It is time to recognize that you cannot traumatize anyone else because you have been traumatized. Remember that when you are losing everyone around you, it might actually be you who has the problem. At some point, you are going to have to stop blaming everyone but yourself. It is time to draw the line between letting your hurt control you and you excuse yourself because you are “being yourself.” You are not your trauma, your hurt, your mental illness, or the baggage you carry. It is time to stop ruining everything in your life because you are ruined.
Expressing your hurt, trauma, and mental illness in ways that hurts others is not the correct way to heal yourself. You will never heal, regardless of what you tell yourself, if you express yourself in unhealthy ways. People are going to come into your life and try to meet you halfway, but you cannot force them to walk the whole distance to get where you are. Sometimes it takes you sucking up all that you have been through and opening up to realize that not everyone is going to hurt you. Not everyone is going to let you down. You cannot project your hurt onto anyone else and expect them to want to understand, to help you, or to rationalize with you.
Being hurt takes more than realizing you are hurt. Being depressed takes more than realizing you are depressed. Being anxious takes more than realizing you are anxious. Dealing with yourself is knowing yourself. Understanding the sources, understanding your triggers, understanding who in your life helps and hurts, and understanding that sometimes you have to remove yourself from loved ones’ lives because they make the trauma worse.
You are responsible for your hurt and you have to own up to that. You are responsible for how much you let hurt control your life and everything around it. You are responsible for what you say and how you express your hurt. As much as no one wants to hear that, you are responsible. You are responsible for those who are in your life, and yes, that includes family members. Do not let circumstantial relationships make you believe that you have no choice. You deserve to be happy and you are responsible for that. You are responsible for all of the problems in your life, regardless of who causes them. If someone else is bringing you pain, let them go. You are allowed to get rid of people and things that destroy you, with no apology. But you cannot let go of everyone thinking that they are the problem when in actuality, it is you that is the problem.
There is only so long you can be a victim to your pain and suffering. You have to stop holding everyone around you accountable and start holding yourself accountable. You have to put your pride to the side and own up to what you are doing. When you are left with no one in your life, who are you going to blame? It is not easy and I do not say this lightly. We have all been there but it takes knowing who you are and what you are doing to get yourself out of it. Self-awareness is the first step to the long process of healing yourself and you have to be ready.