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18 Dad Jokes You Need To Annoy Your Family This Summer

What's the best time to go to the dentist?

Celah Convis

May 31, 2019

Eastern Michigan University

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If you're a college student, there's a high probability that you're out of school--and spending more time with your family. It can be hard to settle back into a rhythm with your family after so much time apart. Here is your solution: annoy them to tears with these so-bad-they're-good dad jokes.

1. How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them!

2. Want to hear a joke about paper?

Nevermind, it's tearable.

3. Did you get a haircut?

No, I got them all cut.

4. Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.

5. What did the grape do when he got stepped on?

He let out a little wine.

6. What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

7. I've never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot.

8. People don't like having to bend over to get their drinks.

We really need to raise the bar.

9. Today my son asked, "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears.

Eleven years old, and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.

10. My wife is angry with me because I have no sense of direction.

Giphy

So I packed up my stuff and right.

11. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.

It's impossible to put down!

12. I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.

I'll let you know.

13. What is the least spoken language in the world?

Sign language!

14. My friend keeps saying, "Cheer up man, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."

I know he means well.

15. Justice is a dish best served cold.

If it were served warm, it would be justwater.

16. There are three unwritten rules to life:

17. If you see a robbery at the Apple store...

...does that make you an iWitness?

18. A termite walks into a bar and asks:

"Is the bar tender here?"

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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18 Dad Jokes You Need To Annoy Your Family This Summer

What's the best time to go to the dentist?

1. How many apples grow on a tree?

2. Want to hear a joke about paper?

3. Did you get a haircut?

4. Want to hear a joke about construction?

5. What did the grape do when he got stepped on?

6. What's brown and sticky?

7. I've never gone to a gun range before.

8. People don't like having to bend over to get their drinks.

9. Today my son asked, "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears.

10. My wife is angry with me because I have no sense of direction.

11. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.

12. I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.

13. What is the least spoken language in the world?

14. My friend keeps saying, "Cheer up man, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."

15. Justice is a dish best served cold.

16. There are three unwritten rules to life:

17. If you see a robbery at the Apple store...

18. A termite walks into a bar and asks:

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The Best Lines from the Fab Four

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make

The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you

Love is old, love is new, love is all, love is you

There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be

Life is very short, and there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend

He say, "I know you, you know me", One thing I can tell you is you got to be free

Oh please, say to me, You'll let me be your man. And please say to me, You'll let me hold your hand

It was twenty years ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play. They've been going in and out of style, but they're guaranteed to raise a smile

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see

Can you hear me? When it rains and shine, it's just a state of mind

Little darling, it's been long cold lonely winter. Little darling, it feels like years since it' s been here. Here comes the sun, Here comes the sun, and I say it's alright

We danced through the night and we held each other tight, and before too long I fell in love with her. Now, I'll never dance with another when I saw her standing there

I love you, I love you, I love you, that's all I want to say

You say you want a revolution. Well you know, we all want to change the world

All the lonely people, where do they all come from. All the lonely people, where do they all belong

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends

Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday

And when the brokenhearted people, living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be.

And anytime you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders

I'll give you all I got to give if you say you'll love me too. I may not have a lot to give but what I got I'll give to you. I don't care too much for money. Money can't buy me love

All you need is love, love is all you need

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Blackbird singing in the dead of night, Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Though I know I'll never lose affection, for people and things that went before. I know I'll often stop and think about them. In my life, I love you more

Obviously the best superpower.

There have been many lessons learned.

1. The importance of traditions.

2. How to be thankful for family and friends.

3. How to give back.

4. What the word "community" really means.

5. That it isn't about the destination, but the journey.

6. The consequences of making bad choices.

7. To trust people, until you have a reason not to.

8. To be welcoming and accepting of everyone.

9. How to be my own, individual person.

10. How to work for what I want.

11. How to be great at giving directions.

12. How to be humble.

13. To be well-rounded.

14. How to be great at conflict resolution.

15. The beauty of getting outside and exploring.

16. To be prepared for anything.

17. That you don't always have to do it alone.

18. How to be creative.

19. To brush off gossip.

I have never been so thankful to know you.

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

Don't freak out

Email the professor

Attend the first class

Keep attending class

Have a backup plan

Remember that everything works out at the end

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