Dad Jokes
Start writing a post
Relationships

18 Dad Jokes You Need To Annoy Your Family This Summer

What's the best time to go to the dentist?

65
Father and daughter

If you're a college student, there's a high probability that you're out of school--and spending more time with your family. It can be hard to settle back into a rhythm with your family after so much time apart. Here is your solution: annoy them to tears with these so-bad-they're-good dad jokes.

1. How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them!

2. Want to hear a joke about paper?

Nevermind, it's tearable.

3. Did you get a haircut?

No, I got them all cut.

4. Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.

5. What did the grape do when he got stepped on?

He let out a little wine.

6. What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

7. I've never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot.

8. People don't like having to bend over to get their drinks.

We really need to raise the bar.

9. Today my son asked, "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears.

Eleven years old, and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.

10. My wife is angry with me because I have no sense of direction.

Giphy

So I packed up my stuff and right.

11. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.

It's impossible to put down!

12. I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.

I'll let you know.

13. What is the least spoken language in the world?

Sign language!

14. My friend keeps saying, "Cheer up man, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."

I know he means well.

15. Justice is a dish best served cold.

If it were served warm, it would be justwater.

16. There are three unwritten rules to life:

1.

2.

3.

17. If you see a robbery at the Apple store...

...does that make you an iWitness?

18. A termite walks into a bar and asks:

"Is the bar tender here?"

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
the beatles
Wikipedia Commons

For as long as I can remember, I have been listening to The Beatles. Every year, my mom would appropriately blast “Birthday” on anyone’s birthday. I knew all of the words to “Back In The U.S.S.R” by the time I was 5 (Even though I had no idea what or where the U.S.S.R was). I grew up with John, Paul, George, and Ringo instead Justin, JC, Joey, Chris and Lance (I had to google N*SYNC to remember their names). The highlight of my short life was Paul McCartney in concert twice. I’m not someone to “fangirl” but those days I fangirled hard. The music of The Beatles has gotten me through everything. Their songs have brought me more joy, peace, and comfort. I can listen to them in any situation and find what I need. Here are the best lyrics from The Beatles for every and any occasion.

Keep Reading...Show less
Being Invisible The Best Super Power

The best superpower ever? Being invisible of course. Imagine just being able to go from seen to unseen on a dime. Who wouldn't want to have the opportunity to be invisible? Superman and Batman have nothing on being invisible with their superhero abilities. Here are some things that you could do while being invisible, because being invisible can benefit your social life too.

Keep Reading...Show less
Featured

19 Lessons I'll Never Forget from Growing Up In a Small Town

There have been many lessons learned.

70955
houses under green sky
Photo by Alev Takil on Unsplash

Small towns certainly have their pros and cons. Many people who grow up in small towns find themselves counting the days until they get to escape their roots and plant new ones in bigger, "better" places. And that's fine. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought those same thoughts before too. We all have, but they say it's important to remember where you came from. When I think about where I come from, I can't help having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my roots. Being from a small town has taught me so many important lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Keep Reading...Show less
​a woman sitting at a table having a coffee
nappy.co

I can't say "thank you" enough to express how grateful I am for you coming into my life. You have made such a huge impact on my life. I would not be the person I am today without you and I know that you will keep inspiring me to become an even better version of myself.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

132520
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments