I've heard the quote "lovers come and go, but friends are forever" too many times, and to be honest, I think it's downright wrong. Friendships are "forever," but what if they're abusive or painful to maintain? I find that people always know the warning signs of a toxic relationship, but don't give a second thought to the people in their lives that just aren't very good friends.
That's a huge mistake. Your friends take up a pretty massive portion of your social time, so knowing when a once blissful camaraderie becomes problematic is crucial to having some level of stability in the mess that is young adult life. There are plenty of signs that it's time to reevaluate a friendship, and though they're by no means hundred percent guarantees that something's wrong, they're certainly red flags to be conscious of.
1. Your texts are never balanced
You know that feeling when you double text and panic because you think you're overdoing it? Or when you put real thought into a message and get a one word reply? Yeah, that's not awesome. There are always exceptions to the rule, of course. Sometimes people are actually busy, or maybe they're just not very chatty in text. I don't mean that you should panic and dump anyone who doesn't send you back a novel every time you talk to them, but constant one word responses often mean the person isn't all that interested in having a conversation. Let it be.
2. They always cancel plans (or show up really late)
Everyone has that one friend that can't keep a date. You made plans over the week, but come the weekend, they're suddenly terribly busy and can't make it after all. Even worse, you made plans a month ago for something really big (and paid for), and they suddenly drop off the face of the earth. It's okay if your friend occasionally turns up late to brunch or cancels once or twice on movie night, but if it becomes a regular thing, they're not showing you the basic respect you deserve.
3. You initiate nearly everything
Again, some people just aren't comfortable talking over text message. Social anxiety is a thing, and I totally understand that as a deterrent to initiating a conversation. But if they never reach out to you or make an effort to interact, they're probably not very invested in your friendship.
4. They insult you because they're in a 'mood'
I like to call this one the 'emotional punching-bag' rule. You are nobody's pillow to scream into, and you don't need to put up with it if they make you one. Just because someone got up on the wrong side of the bed does not mean they get to take it out on you, and if they do, it's not a good sign. Their problems are their problems, and if they can't tell you about it in a way that isn't minorly (or majorly) insulting, you have every right to walk out the metaphorical door.
5. They use your insecurities against you
The great thing about close friends is you don't have to be on guard about your insecurities. Friendship is about trust, and when you tell someone something that makes you feel vulnerable, you are relying on them to treat that information with some level of care. Your friends should know that there are lines they cannot cross, even in an argument, and when they do, they're risking losing a valuable friendship.
6. They talk about you behind your back (or other people behind theirs)
This feels so middle school that it's almost stunning to me that it's still an issue in my adult life. We get so accustomed to gossiping about our friends that we forget how utterly mean it is. Nothing hurts more than finding out that the people you care about are talking about you behind your back, and nearly every girl has had it happen to her. If your friend says awful things about either you or their other friends, it's a seriously toxic situation that you should get out of immediately.
7. They insult your other friends
I think this is fairly self-explanatory, but friends don't insult the people you're friends with just because they're not. This is a big thing I've seen said about significant others, but I think it applies to all relationships.
8. You find that you're jealous of them
Oh jealousy, the green-eyed monster. This is honestly more of a 'you' problem, but it definitely implies some level of toxicity. Jealousy is possibly the most corrupting emotion there is because it spreads. The more you think about how jealous you are, the worse it gets. If you're feeling bitter or angry at your friend for being successful or having things you don't, it might be a good idea to put some distance between yourselves and cool off.
9. They tell you their problems, but don't listen to yours
Just like you're not an emotional punching bag, you're also not an emotional piggy bank. You're definitely not a therapist, and if your friend is exclusively feeding you negative emotions and never reciprocating, it's no good. It's also important to keep in mind that you have to be willing to share in order for them to listen, so if you're not on the same page on that, let them know. Make sure your friendship is a give and take, not just one or the other.
10. You always end up arguing
Friendships are a pretty impactful part of anyone's life, and they should elicit some kind of positive emotion. If you find yourself constantly arguing with your friend, you're probably not feeling much positivity, in which case, the friendship might just not be worth it.
11. You aren't your best self around them
Always carefully evaluate how your behavior changes when you're around someone. Do you feel like you're a good person with them? Are they bringing out the best in you? I've had a lot of experiences in which I've assessed a friendship and realized I just didn't like who I was when I was with them. It's really important that, first and foremost, you value yourself. The next time you leave a conversation with someone feeling deprecated or disappointed in your words or actions, consider why it is you're saying or doing what you are.
12. You're not even sure why you're friends
Every single person in your life should be there for a reason. Whether it's because they make you laugh, or keep you grounded when you're studying, or share your passionate interest in that one TV show no one else watches, they should be adding something to your life that makes you feel good. A lot of things go into friendship, but the key is a mutual feeling of happiness that comes from it.
Look back on the relationships you have with your friends, and ask yourself some basic questions. What are the reasons you've kept this person around up until this point? Are they just there because they always have been? Are they still there for you when you need them? Do they actively show that they value you? If you're racking your brain searching for a reason to call someone a 'friend,' maybe they aren't actually your friend at all.