Why I Cut My Hair After Coming Out To My Mom

Cutting My Hair Was The Second Best Choice I've Ever Made, Right After Coming Out To My Mom

Sometimes a trip to the salon is all it takes to find yourself.


Everyone craves a change from time to time.

It's natural and since it grows back, our hair is often the thing we turn to fulfill that desire. Anything can spark a sudden urge to switch things up, a messy breakup, a promotion at work or maybe sometimes we just want to try something new.

For me, the need for a new look was sparked by one simple sentence: "Mom, I'm gay."

After letting my mom in on my best kept and biggest secret, I knew something had to shift. I needed to physically embody my sexuality finally, after keeping it a secret for so long. So naturally, I headed down to the salon, sat down and got the most tragic half-shave haircut I've ever had.

Now, don't get me wrong, at the moment that half shaved asymmetrical bob was everything to me. It felt so right, to me. However, looking back now almost four years later I can't help but wonder how I wasn't teased mercilessly.

The real change, the one that stuck, came around about a year after. I finally said goodbye to the one piece of long hair I had been holding on to. Sitting in the same salon, I traded in the asymmetrical half-shave for the real deal! A full shave, both sides and the back with just a little bit left up top.

When my hairdresser spun me around to take a look after it was all said and done, immediately had tears in my eyes and couldn't do much more than alternate between "thank you" and "oh my god I loved it."

As a masculine-presenting queer woman, there was this kind of catharsis that happened when I finally got the "big chop." I was finally seeing myself as I wanted to be seen. I got the typical lesbian haircut, which for me meant that I finally fully embraced my sexuality and was putting out there for the world to see too. My hair now serves as a kind of unsaid "Yes, what you're thinking is right. I am gay and I'm proud of it!"

With all of the good, naturally, there comes some bad too. Well, not even bad just....interesting. My new haircut coupled with my love of menswear really threw some people for a loop. My mom was asked questions like "does your son want another cup of coffee?" Or "Oh make him carry the groceries to the car."

When we would both look at these people in deep confusion, they would move back at me as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. I would correct them as politely as I could and go about my day but I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me at times.

Now though, it doesn't even phase me. Call me sir, bro, ma'am miss, it doesn't really matter because at the end of the day I know who I am. And I couldn't be happier with or more thankful for my hair. It's helped really feel like myself and become a powerful queer woman that owns her identity and her journey.

I can say with nothing but confidence that cutting off all of my hair was by far the best decision I've ever made!

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20 Small Tattoos With Big Meanings

Tattoos with meaning you can't deny.

It's tough to find perfect tattoos with meaning.

You probably want something permanent on your body to mean something deeply, but how do you choose a tattoo that will still be significant in 5, 10, 15, or 50 years? Over time, tattoos have lost much of their stigma and many people consider them a form of art, but it's still possible to get a tattoo you regret.

So here are 20 tattoos you can't go wrong with. Each tattoo has its own unique meaning, but don't blame me if you still have to deal with questions that everyone with a tattoo is tired of hearing!

SEE RELATED: "Please Stop Asking What My Tattoos Mean"

1. A semicolon indicates a pause in a sentence but does not end. Sometimes it seems like you may have stopped, but you choose to continue on.

2. "A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor."

3. Top symbol: unclosed delta symbol which represents open to change. Bottom symbol: strategy.

4. "There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls."

5. Viking symbol meaning "create your own reality."

6. Greek symbol of Inguz: Where there's a will, there's a way.

7. Psalm 18:33 "He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he causes me to stand on the heights."

8. 'Ohm' tattoo that represents 4 different states of consciousness and a world of illusion: waking (jagrat), dreaming (swapna), deep sleep (sushupti), transcendental state (turiya) and world of illusion (maya).

9. Alchemy: symbolizes copper, means love, balance, feminine beauty, and artistic creativity.

10. The Greek word “Meraki" means to do something with soul, passion, love, and creativity or to put yourself into whatever you do.

11. Malin (Skövde, Sweden) – you have to face setbacks to be able to go forward.

12. Symbol meaning "thief" from "The Hobbit." It was the rune Gandalf etched into Bilbo's door so the dwarves could find his house.

13. “Lux in tenebris" means “light in darkness."

14. Anchor Tattoo: symbolizing strength and stability, something (or someone) who holds you in place, and provides you the strength to hold on no matter how rough things get.

15."Ad Maiora" is translated literally as “Towards greater things." It is a formula of greeting used to wish more success in life, career or love.

16. A glyph means “explore." It was meant as a reminder for me to never stop exploring.

17. "Aut inveniam viam aut faciam," meaning roughly, "Either I shall find a way, or I will make one."

18. Lotus Flower. It grows in muddy water, and it is this environment that gives forth the flower's first and most literal meaning: rising and blooming above the murk to achieve enlightenment.

19. The zen (or ensō) circle to me represents enlightenment, the universe and the strength we all have inside of us.

20. Two meanings. The moon affirms life. It looks as if it is constantly changing. Can remind us of the inconsistency of life. It also symbolizes the continuous circular nature of time and even karma.

SEE ALSO: Sorry That You're Offended, But I Won't Apologize For My Tattoos

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This Is Your Friendly Reminder That Coachella’s Profits Go To Anti-LGBT Organizations

And if you are planning on spending your paychecks on next weekend or next year's Coachella... you might want to think again.


Coachella: the two weekends that make every person not participating in it ache with yearning. Where our social media feeds are filled with outrageous outfits from our favorite celebrities and influencers, clips of above and beyond performances, and commentary on just how much one would give to be at the acclaimed music festival. It is an event that has seemed to become a staple of our Gen-Z and millennial population.

But, just as things usually turn out to be, everything is not as perfect as it seems.

In 2016, The Washington Post reported, with the help of the Freedom for All Americans campaign, that the festival's founder, Philip Anschutz, is a raging homophobe. As the owner of entertainment conglomerate AEG and with a net worth of approximately $11.1 billion, Anschutz's contributions to the Alliance Defending Freedom, the National Christian Foundation, and the Family Research Council is no small matter.

These organizations have specific goals to act against the rights of the LGBT community in the name of religion. The Family Research Council, for example, details on their website, "Family Research Council believes that homosexual conduct is harmful to the persons who engage in it and to society at large, and can never be affirmed. It is by definition unnatural, and as such is associated with negative physical and psychological health effects," explaining further that they support legal amendments to prevent homosexuality from advancing in society. The National Christian Foundation was found to donate $56.1 million to various organizations, all identified as hate groups, according to a report from Sludge.

Many of these organizations support conversion therapy and linking pedophilia to homosexuality. Alliance Defending Freedom was one of those organizations, as well, literally labeled as a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center for supporting recriminalization of homosexuality and state-sanctioned sterilization of trans people abroad.

So, yeah. Not as perfect as we all thought it was.

But then, why do people still pay thousands of dollars for tickets to this music festival when it's just going into the pockets of anti-LGBT organizations, especially if they claim to be LGBT allies? Why do our favorite allied celebrities, including Ariana Grande, choose to perform even though the knowledge of Anschutz's monetary decisions is no secret?

It's not black-and-white. Artists like Mitski admit that walking away from a career-changing venue like Coachella would only damage their career more. Singer Lizzo, just this year, responded to an angry fan's comment, saying that most major organizations are owned by "bigoted millionaires that donate to bigoted organizations," then promising to utilize the platform to tell LGBT stories until she's big enough to dismantle homophobia.

Cara Delevingne, a sexually fluid female, commented on this, saying how she still refuses "to go to a festival that is owned by someone who is anti-LGBT and pro-gun."

What if everyone acted on this mindset? Imagine if all the artists denied the opportunity to perform, or at least the celebrities big enough to afford it. Imagine if all of the influencers who claim LGBT+ solidarity actually acted on their words and refused to show to this festival and every other one AEG owned? Where would Anschutz get his millions to fund homophobia, then?

In response to all of the controversy, Anschutz and his organization swore that he "supports the rights of all people without regard to sexual orientation" and would stop donating to anti-LGBTQ organizations. But still, he continued to donate to Super PACs and conservative politicians whose standpoints include opposition of same-sex marriage, pro-life and pro-gun initiatives.

What are we saying as a society as we continue to glamorize this festival and allow it to profit? Sure, deem this article and the protests of the LGBT+ community as sour-graping something fun and "turning everything liberal." But the reality is that this festival is profiting off of liberally outspoken artists, even including gay stars like James Charles, and the money is, paradoxically, being put in support of anti-LGBT initiatives, along with pro-gun and pro-life causes. Not only is the reality of this alarming, as it is currently the biggest music festival and profits are undoubtedly high, but also offers insight on the already known fallacy of our culture.

People, celebrities and influencers especially, will continue to advocate for liberal views and for the equality of those who are oppressed when it is convenient for them — when it will gain them clout and fans. But when they want to go to a music festival that essentially flexes that clout, their alliance with LGBT+ people and others affected by these conservative views seems to be forgotten.

The cure to all of this is awareness. It's important to continue to educate others on how we can better support those who face oppression daily. It's important to hold people accountable, especially when they have the power to influence an entire society. It's important to denounce homophobic people, and avoid contributing to their success.

And if you are planning on spending your paychecks on next weekend or next year's Coachella... you might want to think again.

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