Creating When You Feel Like A Shell Of Yourself Is Difficult, But Imperative

Creating When You Feel Like A Shell Of Yourself Is Difficult, But Imperative

Pull the words out of the mind that's being poisoned by the harmful thoughts. Let the words live.

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Creating is one of my favorite coping mechanisms. Whether it's something unstructured like writing a poem or something like sitting down and writing an article, putting my negative energy into producing something I'm proud of is extremely cathartic. Sometimes it's just the thing to pull me out of a slump — otherwise known as an episode.

But sometimes the slump is too deep, the episode too severe. Sometimes even putting words to paper or picking up a paintbrush is too much. Right now feels like one of those moments and creating even in the slightest feels impossible.

Here we are. Baby steps.

We have to fight the urge to succumb to what the voices in our head tell us. Whether it's at the extreme of hurting yourself or engaging in a harmful behavior or simply indulging in your own sadness. The latter can be more harmful than it sounds. The latter can be the first step in getting bad again.

Get a piece of paper. Grab a pen. Open a blank document. Start typing. Pick up a guitar. Write or paint or play until your hands go numb. Create as if your life depends on it because sometimes it does. Even if it's nonsense. Pull the words — the color, the notes, anything — out of the mind that's being poisoned by the harmful thoughts. Let the words live.

It takes a lot to pull yourself out of the depths of mental illness. And the process is exactly that: a process. However your process starts — a conversation with a friend, a text to a hotline, a visit to a hospital, an appointment with a therapist — the little things that keep your process going are just as important.

May this serve as a reminder to return to whatever that means for you today.

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Sorry I'm A Size 00

But I'm not really sorry.
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My whole life I’ve been thin—which is kind of an understatement. Every time I go to the doctor I get the same “you’re underweight” lecture that I’ve heard every year since I was able to form memories. I’ve never really felt insecure about my weight, I love being able to eat everything and not gain a single pound. Since my freshman year of high school I’ve probably only gained 8 pounds and I’m now a sophomore in college. Of course, in school, there were rumors that I was anorexic or bulimic, but everyone who knew me knew that was far from the truth. I’m now 19, 5’2, and I still have yet to break 100 pounds on the scale. It seems that there is a lot of skinny shaming going around and to me, one of the main contributors to that is the Dove Real Beauty campaign.

You’re probably wondering where I’m going with this because skinny girls get all the praise and other body types are neglected. That’s really not true, though. While loving other body types, you are tearing down skinny girls. Why is it okay to do that to skinny girls but not to other body types? Why is it okay to say “only dogs like bones” or say “every body type is beautiful” until you see a model's abs, or ribs, or thigh gap and then tear them down because they’re “unnaturally” skinny?



The point I’m trying to make is that, as a naturally skinny girl, I have never shamed anyone for their body type, yet I go every day and get at least two comments about my weight. I’m always the skinny girl, the toothpick, but I’m not Jessica. Yeah, I’m a size 00. Get over it. If you have an issue with my body and feel like my body is disgusting to you, don’t look at it. I know that I’m healthy and I don’t need your input when my body just naturally burns calories fast. I don’t have an eating disorder and never have. I am real beauty though, and I know that because I’m comfortable in my own skin. So maybe the real issue is that we as a society have been shoving certain body types down our daughters’ throats so they begin to romanticize models that have certain standards that they have to meet, who work hard for the bodies that they have, and are making a hell of a lot more money than most of the people discussing why they look emaciated while what they’re actually looking at is the photoshopped product.

I’m not going to apologize for being skinny when that is just how my body is, I can’t help it. So please, stop tearing my body down while trying to bring your body up. You can praise your body without shaming skinny girls. Shaming me for being thin does not make you better than the man that shamed your body, just as me shaming you for being curvy does not make me better than the man that shamed my body. As women, we need to love each other because we are the only ones who truly understand each other.


Cover Image Credit: Victoria's Secret Untouched

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Smile, Laugh, Cry...It's ok

Isn't it amazing that our body literally cannot contain the amount of joy we are feeling, so we laugh.

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How great is it that you have someone in this world who has the ability to make you happy, excited, or even sad. How lucky are you that someone means so much to you that you are able to feel so deeply as to what their opinion of you means. Some may think it's a bad thing to let someone affect your emotions, but I think it means you're human. Emotions are the best gift that we were given. Isn't it amazing that our body literally cannot contain the amount of joy we are feeling, so we laugh. Or that we could be so hurt that tears run down our face.

Yeah, being sad isn't fun and at the time you want that feeling to go away (which it will) but just imagine what your life would be like if you couldn't feel sad? or you didn't have the ability to feel the amazing feeling of pure happiness. I would rather deal with the pain of hurting for a while than to have the option of never having to feel it again because it makes you a real person. It shows you what your morals are. These emotions help you figure out how you want to live your life. We feel emotions that we may not even realize. And sometimes you may never really know what's going on in that complicated mind of yours, but your body will literally force you to figure it out.

Also, the best thing about these emotions is they show you who really should be in your life. The more the actions of someone else affects you, shows how much they mean to you. All these emotions that you hate feeling like guilt, jealousy, hatred, grief, resent, these help you and they lead to great things such as being happy. Be thankful you have the ability to feel so much and so powerfully and be thankful that you have people in your life that can cause pure joy. Because one day if you woke up without these feelings, you'd want them back.

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