Creating a Positive Environment: Positivity Challenge Week 2

Creating a Positive Environment: Positivity Challenge Week 2

"Your mind affects your mouth, and your mouth affects your mind."
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It’s hard to believe I’ve already finished week two of my 30-Day Positivity Challenge. Knowing I get to write about my experience at the end of the week definitely helps me analyze what I’m learning, and blogging about it each night helps me to keep track of all that I’m learning. I pray my experience can speak to you if you, too, are struggling. Know you are not alone.

How did it go?

If week one seemed easy peasy at first, week two felt foggy and groggy.

It felt incredibly hard to get up this week and even harder to get motivated. I felt stuck.

Quite honestly, I could barely get out of my head long enough to even try to re-frame anything in a positive light.

I realized, too, it has been six months since I’ve been to church, and being without a church seems to have a negative impact on me. I’m struggling to connect with God and believe what I believe.

That is something I need to work on.

At the same time, all I wanted was to be left alone.

I came across a quote on Twitter that affected me greatly: “If you want to get over a problem, stop talking about it. Your mind affects your mouth, and your mouth affects your mind.”

It’s something that, as the week progressed and my anger and negativity continued, I tried to hold on to.

It worked (at least a little).

The hardest part is holding myself accountable to it, but I’m working on it.

What did I learn?

If week one taught me what positivity is, or can be, then week two has taught me what I need to create a positive environment for myself as I refocus.

I’ve done my fair part of trying to hold others accountable for my expectations of life. I’ve learned, over not just this week but a few months, I can’t do that.

Life isn’t perfect, and I can’t plan everything. There’s also no way to plan for everything.

Part of holding myself accountable is trusting in my faith and God. I have to hold myself accountable for my thoughts and the words I speak. They should reflect the truth and hope God has given me.

That hope and truth involves trusting in His timing. I have planned for everything for the entirety of my adult life, and it’s really only gotten me into trouble.

Sure, initially, things seem to work out, but, inevitably, something happens that I couldn’t plan for, and suddenly I become angry and scared. We can’t plan for everything in life, and that’s to be expected; God has His own timing for things in our lives.

I realized that, in all my planning, I was trying to rush whatever goodness He had in store for me. In rushing that, though, He needed me to slow down, so now He’s forcing me to.

He’s given me gifts and talents, and He is now providing me with opportunities to explore those. By slowing down and trusting everything to Him, I know mountains can move.

“Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!” – Mark 9:24

I’m trying to slow down to hear Him. I’m writing more, spending time with Belle and meditating.

If I slow down my heart rate, my mind will eventually follow.

I encourage you, if you’re struggling with something, no matter what it is, take some time to slow down. Don’t look at your phone all the time; in fact, put it on silent (or “Do Not Disturb” if you have an iPhone), or, better yet, leave it at home.

Take in your surroundings and the fresh air.

Pray or meditate.

Acknowledge when those negative thoughts come in, but watch them float away; you don’t always have to interact with them.

Take time to get to know yourself. That will lead to a positive outlook.

Cover Image Credit: Pixabay

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To The Person Who Feels Suicidal But Doesn't Want To Die

Suicidal thoughts are not black and white.
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Everyone assumes that if you have suicidal thoughts that means you want to die.

From an outside perspective, suicidal thoughts are rarely looked into deeper than the surface level. Either you have suicidal thoughts and you want to die, or you don't have suicidal thoughts and you want to live. What most people don't understand is that people live in between those two statements, I for one am one of them.

I've had suicidal thoughts since I was a kid.

My first recollection of it was when I came home after school one day and got in trouble, and while I was just sitting in the dining room I kept thinking, “I wonder what it would be like to take a knife from the kitchen and just shove it into my stomach." I didn't want to die, or even hurt myself for that matter. But those thoughts haven't stopped since.

I've thought about going into the bathroom and taking every single pill I could find and just drifting to sleep and never waking back up, I've thought about hurting myself to take the pain away, just a few days ago on my way to work I thought about driving my car straight into a tree. But I didn't. Why? Because even though that urge was so strong, I didn't want to die. I still don't, I don't want my life to end.

I don't think I've ever told anyone about these feelings. I don't want others to worry because the first thing anyone thinks when you tell them you have thoughts about hurting or killing yourself is that you're absolutely going to do it and they begin to panic. Yes, I have suicidal thoughts, but I don't want to die.

It's a confusing feeling, it's a scary feeling.

When the depression takes over you feel like you aren't in control. It's like you're drowning.

Every bad memory, every single thing that hurt you, every bad thing you've ever done comes back and grabs you by the ankle and drags you back under the water just as you're about the reach the surface. It's suffocating and not being able to do anything about it.

The hardest part is you never know when these thoughts are going to come. Some days you're just so happy and can't believe how good your life is, and the very next day you could be alone in a dark room unable to see because of the tears welling up in your eyes and thinking you'd be better off dead.

You feel alone, you feel like a burden to everyone around you, you feel like the world would be better off without you. I wish it was something I could just turn off but I can't, no matter how hard I try.

These feelings come in waves.

It feels like you're swimming and the sun is shining and you're having a great time until a wave comes and sucks you under into the darkness of the water. No matter how hard you try to reach the surface again a new wave comes and hits you back under again, and again, and again.

And then it just stops.

But you never know when the next wave is going to come. You never know when you're going to be sucked back under.

I always wondered if I was the only one like this.

It didn't make any sense to me, how did I think about suicide so often but not want to die? But I was thinking about it in black and white, I thought I wasn't allowed to have those feelings since I wasn't going to act on them. But then I read articles much like this one and I realized I'm not the only one. Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, and my feelings are valid.

To everyone who feels this way, you aren't alone.

I thought I was for the longest time, I thought I was the only one who felt this way and I didn't understand how I could feel this way. But please, I implore you to talk to someone, anyone, about the way you're feeling, whether it be a family member, significant other, a friend, a therapist.

My biggest mistake all these years was never telling anyone how I feel in fear that they would either brush me off because “who could be suicidal but not want to die?" or panic and try to commit me to a hospital or something. Writing this article has been the greatest feeling of relief I've felt in a long time, talking about it helps. I know it's scary to tell people how you're feeling, but you're not alone and you don't have to go through this alone.

Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, your feelings are valid, and there are people here for you. You are not alone.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255


Cover Image Credit: BengaliClicker

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Sorry Guys, Girls Actually Want Attention From Other Girls

Who else knows fashion, beauty, style, or looks better than other females themselves?

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Men are ya know, "great." We love 'em (somedays). Some girls cry over men, run their lives around men, and make life choices because of men.

But, why should we try to impress men? Men don't understand the time it takes to "beat our face" with makeup. Men don't understand the soreness our arms experienced to get these perfect curls. Some men don't understand how excited we are to score big in the Urban Outfitters clearance section.

Some ladies live by "beauty is pain." But sorry guys, they are not here to impress you.

Why would some ladies spend all the time, effort, and money for men, when some men can't distinguish mascara from lipgloss.

Women are trying to impress other women.

You ever get a compliment from a fellow female and they're like, "Girl, yes girl. The outfit, the hair, YES." Ladies understand and appreciate our efforts.

Do you think what ladies post on social media is to get men pouring in their DMs? No.

We are sharing pictures to inspire and create a group of women to be creative and stylish themselves. Us ladies are trying to build an empire of strong women, and we will not spend time just to look good for men.

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