Crazy Girls Rule


It wasn't always used as an insult.

The biggest literary theme in "Hamlet" is madness. Aristotle said, "There is no great genius without some touch of madness." because in ancient Greece and Rome, the word was synonymous for passion and innovation. It's a pretty good Muse song, too. "Our love is madness."

But today, our views on madness are still Jacobian, like the worst thing we can be called is "crazy" or "psycho" or "insane". That when something manages to loosen our screws a bit, we want to hide those parts of ourselves until they go away. A lot of us want to squeeze through the crevices of society in the way we were taught was acceptable: and that is quiet, and polite, and small. I guess I understand that, but maybe not.

There is a small and beautiful demographic that simply don't fear madness like the rest of us, and to put it lightly, those are the Crazy B*tches (trademark pending).

A Crazy B*tch. What do you think about that? Probably a mascara-smudged Taylor Swift taking a knife to a birthday cake and watching black liquid ooze out. The Overly Attached Girlfriend. Crop-tops at inappropriate times. Astrology. "The Bell Jar". The girl with chunky highlights sitting at the bar. Too many Vodka Cranberries. Belly-button piercings. Kourtney and Scott. Maybe that's not too far off.

Nonetheless, I wrote this for the Crazy B*tches, because I think there is more depth to this demographic than credit is given to. This is for you.

For one, a Crazy B*tch does as she pleases. She's high fashion, she's enigmatic. She's messy. She's brave. She takes everything she's ever been taught, and goes, "fuck that". Shes a mother-effing glimmering fiery ball of heat and energy and innovation. She's mad, and that's her magic.

Shaking the world comes with a price, apparently. I'll tell you it isn't all fun and Raspberry Whiteclaws and karaoke. Because while there will always be the people that praise you for your impulsivity, your authenticity, your tendency to pour your heart out to anyone that listens and dance onstage with the band, you'll inevitably attract some not-so-fond spectators. Crazy B*tches get eye rolls. Crazy B*tches get reduced to labels- the ones that Tina Fey got so worked up about in "Mean Girls". Crazy B*tches get put down like nobody's business. Sometimes you'll wish you could just be a Regular B*tch and sit on the sidelines while the Crazy B*tches do their thing.

I'll tell you a secret, though, and maybe deep inside you've always known this.

Crazy B*tches run the world.

That's right. Ever see a picture of Marie Curie?

Hold up.

You wanna tell me this woman doesn't look batshit insane?

That's right, Dr. Marie Curie was the Craziest of B*tches. This B*tch really spent her life studying the radiation of the element Uranium. And it's not like people were as nice to her as they probably should have been- there were rumors floating around 1800s Poland that Dr. Curie was hooking up with physicist Paul Langevin. Nevertheless, Dr.Curie was still like, "Uhh... IDC gurl I'm studying Uranium out here." Do you think anyone would be able to do that, other than a C.B.?

And what about Joan of Arc?

De Agostini via Getty Images


And the Craziest B*tch of them all...The Virgin Mary.

According to Catholicism, ole Mare-Bear one day just went, "Yeah I'm a virgin... but also, I'm pregnant. With JESUS."

Out of her mind. Added to the C.B. list.

Think Gaga. Think Yayoi Kusama. Rosa Parks. Frida Kahlo. Zelda. J.K. Rowling. Michelle Obama. Mary Shelley.

All the Craziest of B*tches. Every last one of 'em. So, you see, Being a Crazy B*tch isn't so bad. Yeah, you're not too popular with bar staff, most romantic partners that could pass a psych evaluation, or really anyone from high school, but who cares? Not you, of course, because now you know that you are part of a community, a creative consciousness that far outshines small-minded social constructs. Small-minded social constructs were made to be broken by Crazy B*tches.

Madness. Let's talk about madness again.

Madness is pulling out your hair at three in the morning trying to unravel a math equation. Madness is being vulnerable to someone. Madness is jumping into a pool in the middle of the night, poking your head out of the water and realizing you see stars for the first time in a while. It's snowball fights. Madness is taking everything everyone's ever told you about yourself, and giving it the finger. The things that inherently drive us mad are the things we care for. There is no madness without passion, without fire, without creativity. There is no madness without love. And if you can step outside of what you've been previously taught and recognize that, I think you're going to live a pretty good life.

So wear your heart on your sleeve, you Crazy, Beautiful, Delightful B*tch. You're going to rule the world one day.

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