It has been a month since my mom passed away. I have read countless books on grief, I have watched videos, and I went to therapy. Correction, I am still going to therapy, and I receive homework once a week. I make sure to take a walk every morning. I follow all the "rules" for handling loss. But, there is no scientific measurement to understand how to handle it. The only thing I know for certain is that hearing "it will get better" is frustrating.

When you are coping with grief, you tend to spend your days holding your breath. You are trying to breathe every day but it is incredibly hard. Those once beautiful and cherished memories seem to haunt you because they are a painful reminder that the person you loved is not here anymore. The idea of making new memories is more daunting because you are terrified of making new memories without that person.

Losing a mom is possibly the worst thing that will happen to you.

That is the person in the world who loves you unconditionally. If you had a mother like me, then you had a best friend as well. The person you want to tell about your good day is your mom. But, the reason you are so excited about having a good day is that you're depressed about losing her. The person you want a hug or kiss from is your mom.

The nightmares are possibly the worst aspect of grief, for me personally. The idea that your brain can tell you that the person you love is alive. But, then you wake up and have to realize all over again that they are dead. Sometimes, you will have nightmares about the person dying all over again. There is no cure for nightmares. Nor is there a formula to follow to get rid of them.

I know that I will miss her every single day. But, I cannot let the loss define me. I have been told time and time again that I have to live for her. That I have to focus on the good things, the aspects of myself that she helped mold. My mother fought for a long hard year with cancer, but she never gave up. The night before she passed, she was working on her jaw exercises. She literally fought until her last breathe. I always keep that in mind when I am having a bad moment or day. That my mom fought until her last breathe. So, I have to do the same for her.