How You Should Cope After A Break Up

How You Should Cope After A Break Up

Allow it to make you better not bitter.
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A breakup.

From the wise words of Coldplay, "nobody said it was easy; no one ever said it would be this hard." Breakups are not an easy situation nor topic. They're complicated, messy, and sometimes ugly. It makes no difference if you were together for a few months or a few years, any break up is difficult. It's truly an emotional roller coaster. You go through stages of anger, sadness, and eventually acceptance. Regardless, you realize you're losing not only someone you were dating, but a best friend as well.

It's frustrating because you invest so much of your time and energy into someone only to watch it crumble at your feet. The catch is the breakup isn't the hard part, it's the moments that follow. It's coming home and crying on your bed at 1 a.m. and going days without eating because you can't stomach the thought of losing someone close to you. You'll feel pain, loads of it...but this pain is temporary.

One day you will wake up and it'll hurt a little less than it did the day before. You may stumble across something throughout the day that reminds you of them, but eventually it won't leave you crying. It's about acceptance.

It's important to remember how you once felt about that person. Regardless of the anger or disappointment you feel right now, you still shared a life with them. You cared enough about them to let them into your little world and experience it with you. You gave them a piece of you and they did the same.

Remember this. Remember to treat your ex with the same respect and kindness you showed them throughout your relationship. There is no reason to trash talk your partner or even tell them how cold-hearted they now seem. It may not seem like they're hurting as well, but some people are just better at hiding it.

Instead of destroying any attempt to be civil with one another after a break up, invest time in yourself. Now is the chance to improve upon yourself. If you two are lucky enough to stay in each other's lives as friends, don't take it for granted. Listen to the issues you both had within your relationship, and improve from them. While some things may be misinterpreted during the heat of the moment and hurtful words will be thrown around, focus on the lesson.

Each relationship you have is a lesson in itself. They were never a mistake because at one point it was exactly what you needed. You may have outgrown one another or just couldn't find a way to make it work; nevertheless, you mattered to each other.

Handle your breakup with maturity. Don't keep going back to argue over the same issue with your ex. The relationship you had is a wound on your heart and it takes time to heal. Understand that constantly coming back to it will only worsen the damage. Find the same compassion you once had for that person and allow one another to cope.

Regardless of how things may end, being in a relationship is an amazing experience. It can be filled with some of the happiest moments of your life. Cherish these moments and hold on to them. Remember the good times you shared with that person and the crazy memories you made along the way. Remember them as they were before your breakup.

Let yourself grow and feel joy in watching them grow as well. Never allow a breakup to make you bitter, always better.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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Stop Saying 'Love Is Love' And Then Shame Me For Dating A Republican

"How can you date a Republican?!" Quite easily, actually.

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"And love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love." Other theater geeks like me probably also remember this quote from Lin-Manuel Miranda's Tony acceptance speech in 2016. Now, thanks to Lin-Manuel and his talent for catchy phrases, every time someone says "love is love," all I can think of is Lin-Manuel's emphatic cry for equality.

This cry is one that I support wholeheartedly. I think that you should be allowed to love whomever you choose and that you should do so without fear of hatred or scrutiny. If you are a guy who loves guys, great. If you are a girl who loves girls, great. If you are a girl who loves guys and girls, great. You are born a certain way with certain sexual preferences, and there is nothing wrong with that.

However, if you believe that people should be free to love anyone they choose, then, honey, you better start looking past gender.

Let me tell you a little story.

Recently, I had a conversation with one of my closest friends about my boyfriend of almost 11 months. Somehow (and I'm shocked that this hadn't come up before), my boyfriend's political preferences became the topic of conversation.

The conversation went something like this:

"Wait, so is Tom a Democrat or Republican?"

"He's a Republican."

"WHAT?! Are you serious?"

"Yep."

"How can you date a Republican?"

After that, I basically went on a five-minute rant about how at the end of the day, his political preferences only make up a small fraction of who he is as a person and that I am not so shallow that I would be deterred by something this trivial.

At our cores, Tom and I value the exact same things: compassion, knowledge, kindness, dedication, honesty, respect, and above all else, love. Tom loves me unconditionally and I give him that same love in return; honestly, what else could I ask for?

Tom and I do get in some political arguments from time to time, but we also agree on those issues that are most important to me: female reproductive rights, marriage equality, and support for survivors of sexual assault. All of those things are non-negotiables for me, and Tom understands that and possesses his own list of non-negotiables.

Before you ask, yep, he voted for Trump. Did that take me back at first? Yes. Did I struggle to understand what would compel a person to vote for him? Absolutely. Did that thought kind of terrify me at first? Hell yes.

But you know what? After I just sat and listened to Tom's reasoning as to why he voted for him and watched him delve deep into Trump's policies, I could understand why some would vote for him. And to tell the truth, once I fell in love with Tom, none of that mattered anymore. And what is sad is that people so often fall so deep into their own echo chambers nowadays, that they wouldn't even give someone with different beliefs their ear. Well, I'm damn glad I did because Tom is the most amazing person I've ever met and I fall more in love with him every day.

So to tie this all together with a pretty little bow, if you're going to go around and preach that love is love and that everyone should be free to love whom they choose, then that shouldn't change for me. Maybe you're a Democrat that would never date a Republican or maybe you're a Republican who would never date a Democrat; that's your choice. But we don't get to choose who we fall in love with (much to the dismay of my liberal family and friends). Just keep an open mind and who knows? Maybe you could find some absolutely epic happiness.

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The Things I've Learned Through Breakups

Life goes on and someone better always comes along.

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We all know how bad breakups suck.

What sucks the most, is the fact that you go from talking to the same person every day to never talking again.

You lose a boyfriend and a best friend all in the same day.

It is strange to think about how people stay together for years yet leave so quickly when things go south.

You feel like your world comes crashing down and you will never find someone who once made you so happy.

If I have learned anything from my previous relationships, it is to not put all your happiness into one person. There is so much around us to be thankful for, not just one person. You have your family, your friends, our awesome God, and a beautiful world we live in. Also, the happiness you find within yourself. I wanted to remind you of those things because sometimes we grow apart from those people or things when we start dating someone.

With that said, I want you to be aware that a person you care so much about could turn their back on you in an instant. If that does happen, do not allow that one heartbreak determine where your relationships with others stand.

After all the things that come from the whole heartbreak process, like little to no food intake, plenty of tears, and a lot of wondering where everything went wrong. It has all made me realize what I truly want from a relationship with someone. Not just what I want, but what I deserve. What everybody deserves.

Everyone wants to have the perfect relationship they have always dreamed of. With that to come, you have to be patient.

You will go on dates with different people you end up having no connection with what so ever, and that's okay. Do not try to rush into something that you know is not going anywhere. You will know when you are attracted to someone when you get excited to hear from them and drop whatever other plans you have to go spend time with them. It is during that time when you give that person all of your trust and honesty and they do the same in return. From there, you will know what it is like to be respected and cared for rather than mistreated and lied to.

All the pain you have suffered from previous heartbreaks were lessons learned. Trust your gut and give yourself time to heal. I promise no matter who walks out of your life, someone better will come along.


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