How You Should Cope After A Break Up

How You Should Cope After A Break Up

Allow it to make you better not bitter.
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A breakup.

From the wise words of Coldplay, "nobody said it was easy; no one ever said it would be this hard." Breakups are not an easy situation nor topic. They're complicated, messy, and sometimes ugly. It makes no difference if you were together for a few months or a few years, any break up is difficult. It's truly an emotional roller coaster. You go through stages of anger, sadness, and eventually acceptance. Regardless, you realize you're losing not only someone you were dating, but a best friend as well.

It's frustrating because you invest so much of your time and energy into someone only to watch it crumble at your feet. The catch is the breakup isn't the hard part, it's the moments that follow. It's coming home and crying on your bed at 1 a.m. and going days without eating because you can't stomach the thought of losing someone close to you. You'll feel pain, loads of it...but this pain is temporary.

One day you will wake up and it'll hurt a little less than it did the day before. You may stumble across something throughout the day that reminds you of them, but eventually it won't leave you crying. It's about acceptance.

It's important to remember how you once felt about that person. Regardless of the anger or disappointment you feel right now, you still shared a life with them. You cared enough about them to let them into your little world and experience it with you. You gave them a piece of you and they did the same.

Remember this. Remember to treat your ex with the same respect and kindness you showed them throughout your relationship. There is no reason to trash talk your partner or even tell them how cold-hearted they now seem. It may not seem like they're hurting as well, but some people are just better at hiding it.

Instead of destroying any attempt to be civil with one another after a break up, invest time in yourself. Now is the chance to improve upon yourself. If you two are lucky enough to stay in each other's lives as friends, don't take it for granted. Listen to the issues you both had within your relationship, and improve from them. While some things may be misinterpreted during the heat of the moment and hurtful words will be thrown around, focus on the lesson.

Each relationship you have is a lesson in itself. They were never a mistake because at one point it was exactly what you needed. You may have outgrown one another or just couldn't find a way to make it work; nevertheless, you mattered to each other.

Handle your breakup with maturity. Don't keep going back to argue over the same issue with your ex. The relationship you had is a wound on your heart and it takes time to heal. Understand that constantly coming back to it will only worsen the damage. Find the same compassion you once had for that person and allow one another to cope.

Regardless of how things may end, being in a relationship is an amazing experience. It can be filled with some of the happiest moments of your life. Cherish these moments and hold on to them. Remember the good times you shared with that person and the crazy memories you made along the way. Remember them as they were before your breakup.

Let yourself grow and feel joy in watching them grow as well. Never allow a breakup to make you bitter, always better.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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I Learned To Love Again, Only This Time It Was Myself My Heart Was Set On

Losing you hurt like hell, but I love myself a whole lot more now because of it.
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Losing you hurt like hell.

It still hurts.

I felt like I lost myself, and the more I thought about it, I realized that I had.

I loved you so hard and so much. I loved you with everything my heart and my body and my soul had to offer.

After you broke me, I realized I didn't recognize any of the pieces scattered across the floor. I wasn't this girl.

I wasn't the girl who cried herself to sleep, the girl whose happiness relied on a guy, the girl who was OK being an option, and I sure as hell wasn't the girl who waited around for someone to decide whether or not I was worthy of him.

Yet here I was.

There were so many times that I would tear myself to pieces, analyzing every moment, wondering what I could have done differently. I did this to myself for months, knowing damn well that you weren't losing any sleep over it.

I found myself ordering food that I would never eat at our old spots just because it was your favorite. I adopted your lingo, your sense of humor and even the funny way you walk.

I would sleep in your clothes because even the smallest piece of you brought me comfort. I wasted my days away searching for signs that weren't there, my mind manipulated everything into remnants of you.

It didn't exactly happen overnight, but I remember waking up one morning and thinking why am I letting him do this to me?

That was the day I realized how much of myself I had given up. How much I had changed to fit what your idea of perfect was.

I started to do the things I loved again, never even realizing I had given them up in the first place.

I started going out with my friends, I went dancing for the first time in months, I went for hikes and stretched out in the sun with my favorite novel.

I listened to all of my favorite songs that you had always hated, I drove with the windows down and sang my heart out. I realized I could get through this.

Slowly, but surely, I began to recognize myself.

My heart no longer skipped a beat when my phone lit up, I no longer held onto a twinge of hope that your name would be displayed on the screen.

I wasn't stalking your social media anymore, and I stopped caring if you liked, or even saw, what I posted.

I didn't lay awake at night wondering if you were thinking about me. In fact, I rarely thought about you at all.

I always swore that I saw love in your eyes, but it was only my reflection staring back at me. Once I learned to love myself the way I loved you, my life changed.

Losing you hurt like hell, but I love myself a whole lot more now because of it.

Cover Image Credit: PIXNIO

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Open Letter to My First Love

So while our time together was short, it was trying, it was beautiful and it was meaningful.
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Dear First Love,

You know, you taught me a lot by being a first of mine. You taught me about life, and real love, and relationships. You were the first guy to see my hair in the morning. The first person to say they loved me romantically. The first boy to give me a bouquet of flowers. The first date I’d had to prom. The first one who offered me a second family through his own. The first person besides my parents I’d go to with anything and everything. My first facebook official relationship. My first boyfriend. You were my heart, and you had it from the beginning.

You were the first guy to make me feel like shit about myself. You were the first person to say “I love you” romantically and not actually mean it. You were the first person to relate effort to fixing a car. The first one to discredit our relationship with the running of a TV show series. You were the one person I wanted to love me like I loved him. That was a first. It was all a big first.

But throughout it all, there is one first that beats them all. My first breakup. My first time standing up for myself. My first real heartbreak but also my first real victory. And while in many ways, you taught me to love and learn and how to give my heart away, you also taught me how to guard my heart enough until I find the right person to give it too. You taught me that it doesn't matter what others think of you, but of what you think of yourself. When I was with you I didn't like who I was becoming and that taught me that a guy should NEVER EVER change my view of myself.

So while our time together was short, it was trying, it was painful, and it was meaningful. I learned to love, how to fight with communication, how to put someone's needs before myself. And I started on a journey to find myself.

But the greatest thing I remember learning from you, the boy who broke my heart, is that ALL firsts, good ones and bad ones, have a lesson to teach. And now that it's just me, myself, and I, it’s time to start generating a new list of firsts. Starting with...

Me.

Sincerely yours,

The new and improved-ish Me

Cover Image Credit: Lily Cramer

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