How You Should Cope After A Break Up

How You Should Cope After A Break Up

Allow it to make you better not bitter.
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A breakup.

From the wise words of Coldplay, "nobody said it was easy; no one ever said it would be this hard." Breakups are not an easy situation nor topic. They're complicated, messy, and sometimes ugly. It makes no difference if you were together for a few months or a few years, any break up is difficult. It's truly an emotional roller coaster. You go through stages of anger, sadness, and eventually acceptance. Regardless, you realize you're losing not only someone you were dating, but a best friend as well.

It's frustrating because you invest so much of your time and energy into someone only to watch it crumble at your feet. The catch is the breakup isn't the hard part, it's the moments that follow. It's coming home and crying on your bed at 1 a.m. and going days without eating because you can't stomach the thought of losing someone close to you. You'll feel pain, loads of it...but this pain is temporary.

One day you will wake up and it'll hurt a little less than it did the day before. You may stumble across something throughout the day that reminds you of them, but eventually it won't leave you crying. It's about acceptance.

It's important to remember how you once felt about that person. Regardless of the anger or disappointment you feel right now, you still shared a life with them. You cared enough about them to let them into your little world and experience it with you. You gave them a piece of you and they did the same.

Remember this. Remember to treat your ex with the same respect and kindness you showed them throughout your relationship. There is no reason to trash talk your partner or even tell them how cold-hearted they now seem. It may not seem like they're hurting as well, but some people are just better at hiding it.

Instead of destroying any attempt to be civil with one another after a break up, invest time in yourself. Now is the chance to improve upon yourself. If you two are lucky enough to stay in each other's lives as friends, don't take it for granted. Listen to the issues you both had within your relationship, and improve from them. While some things may be misinterpreted during the heat of the moment and hurtful words will be thrown around, focus on the lesson.

Each relationship you have is a lesson in itself. They were never a mistake because at one point it was exactly what you needed. You may have outgrown one another or just couldn't find a way to make it work; nevertheless, you mattered to each other.

Handle your breakup with maturity. Don't keep going back to argue over the same issue with your ex. The relationship you had is a wound on your heart and it takes time to heal. Understand that constantly coming back to it will only worsen the damage. Find the same compassion you once had for that person and allow one another to cope.

Regardless of how things may end, being in a relationship is an amazing experience. It can be filled with some of the happiest moments of your life. Cherish these moments and hold on to them. Remember the good times you shared with that person and the crazy memories you made along the way. Remember them as they were before your breakup.

Let yourself grow and feel joy in watching them grow as well. Never allow a breakup to make you bitter, always better.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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To The Friends I Won't Talk To After High School

I sincerely hope, every great quality I saw in you, was imprinted on the world.
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Hey,

So, for the last four years I’ve seen you almost everyday. I’ve learned about your annoying little brother, your dogs and your crazy weekend stories. I’ve seen you rock the awful freshman year fashion, date, attend homecoming, study for AP tests, and get accepted into college.

Thank you for asking me about my day, filling me in on your boy drama and giving me the World History homework. Thank you for complimenting my outfits, laughing at me presenting in class and listening to me complain about my parents. Thank you for sending me your Quizlets and being excited for my accomplishments- every single one of them. I appreciate it all because I know that soon I won’t really see you again. And that makes me sad. I’ll no longer see your face every Monday morning, wave hello to you in the hallways or eat lunch with you ever again. We won't live in the same city and sooner or later you might even forget my name.

We didn’t hang out after school but none the less you impacted me in a huge way. You supported my passions, stood up for me and made me laugh. You gave me advice on life the way you saw it and you didn’t have to but you did. I think maybe in just the smallest way, you influenced me. You made me believe that there’s lots of good people in this world that are nice just because they can be. You were real with me and that's all I can really ask for. We were never in the same friend group or got together on the weekends but you were still a good friend to me. You saw me grow up before your eyes and watched me walk into class late with Starbucks every day. I think people like you don’t get enough credit because I might not talk to you after high school but you are still so important to me. So thanks.

With that said, I truly hope that our paths cross one day in the future. You can tell me about how your brothers doing or how you regret the college you picked. Or maybe one day I’ll see you in the grocery store with a ring on your finger and I’ll be so happy you finally got what you deserved so many guys ago.

And if we ever do cross paths, I sincerely hope you became everything you wanted to be. I hope you traveled to Italy, got your dream job and found the love of your life. I hope you have beautiful children and a fluffy dog named Charlie. I hope you found success in love before wealth and I hope you depended on yourself for happiness before anything else. I hope you visited your mom in college and I hope you hugged your little sister every chance you got. She’s in high school now and you always tell her how that was the time of your life. I sincerely hope, every great quality I saw in you, was imprinted on the world.

And hey, maybe I’ll see you at the reunion and maybe just maybe you’ll remember my face. If so, I’d like to catch up, coffee?

Sincerely,

Me

Cover Image Credit: High school Musical

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If You THINK You're Too Dependent On Your Boyfriend, You Probably Are

Depend on yourself before you depend on him.

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Don't get me wrong, having a boyfriend and being in love is an incredible feeling. But when you depend on your boyfriend for everything and forget how to do things on your own, it becomes a major problem. You might not see it but your family and friends do. Yes he's your boyfriend and of course, you want to spend every single second with him but you can't carry him around in the back of your pocket for the rest of your life. So here's to the girls who are too dependent on your boyfriends, I think you girls might want to hear this.

First and foremost, I completely understand what it's like to be in love and want to spend every second with your boyfriend. I get that he is one of your best friends, one of the people you can trust the most, one of the sources of your happiness, one of your stress relievers, one of the things that brings you comfort, one of the people you can rant to for anything, one of the people that you can cry to about anything, one of the people that you want to make memories with, one of the people that you want to spend the rest of your life with and so much more.

Did you notice I said one of, for all that? He is just one of the people you can go to for all of that, not the only one. You have friends and family who can do all of that too. And trust me, we want to. While yes you might prefer him to those other people, it's still important to keep your friends and family in the loop of what's going on in your life and it's even more important just to keep them in your life.

When you choose your boyfriend over your friends and family for everything, you're slowly pushing them out of your life. I, and everyone else who's been where I have been, completely understand if you already have plans with your boyfriend, or if something is going on you want to spend time with him. But to blow off your friends every single time for him is a slap in the face to us. Or to invite him to everything we do is another slap in the face. Of course as friends and family, we want to spend time with your boyfriend but it gets awkward third wheeling.

Go out with your family and friends without him sometimes and make tons of memories, as you did before. Rant and cry to friends and family sometimes instead, we care about you and your feelings, just as much as he does... maybe, even more, when you guys are fighting. When you don't talk to or see your friends and family without him there, you're pretty much telling us that you don't like being around us and that by bringing him, it makes it more bearable for you.

With that being said, you have to let him do the same. You have to let him have time for his family and friends without you. It looks super weird that you follow him around like a lost little puppy dog. Let him have time with the guys, without you being there or showing up at some point. To tag along to every little thing he does isn't healthy. Tagging along to everything thing your boyfriend does, probably makes his friends, a little uncomfortable, especially when they want their guy time and you're the only girl and they don't want you to feel awkward or left out. Or his family wants to spend time with just him and catch up.

Do things apart from each other, so when you are together you have stories to tell and pictures to show them.

Speaking of doing things apart from each other. Don't let an amazing opportunity slip away because you have to spend time away from your boyfriend. Did I leave my boyfriend to do the Disney College Program, hell yes I did. Am I going to apply again in August or maybe January? Hell yes, I am. Don't be afraid to explore things without him, even if it makes you uncomfortable, because you never know when you might get a great opportunity again.

Learning to do things alone is scary, I get it. But don't base your schedule around his, I've seen so many girls do this and it just back fries in the end. Unless you have kids, you do not plan your schedules around him or know where he is at every single second.

You never know, one day he might not be there anymore, and if you're always with your boyfriend and forgetting about friends and family, you might not have them either. And then what? Who do you depend on?

I wish you all would learn to depend on yourself before you depend completely on your boyfriend for everything. You are capable of so many things alone. You might feel like your boyfriend completes you and makes you whole, but in reality, you were already complete without him. He's just an added bonus. Don't give up your friends, family, and life because you want to be attached at the hip. You might lose more than you gain by doing that.

This goes for couples who have been dating for all lengths of time. It could be six months or six years.

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