Every other year for Christmas, we visit my mom's side of the family and we always have a huge Christmas dinner with the extended family. The ENTIRE extended family. Like the extended of the extended family. There are always people I know I've been introduced to in Christmas's past, but I can never remember their names. Aside from being stressed about names alone, there is always the slew of questions that proceed the re-re-introductions. Especially now that I am about to graduate college, the questions will be extra agonizing. And I'm sure I'm not the only one stressing about life questions this December.
Here are some conversations I'm dreading come Christmas dinner:
1. The Career Talk
It's been so long! What are you studying again?
Theatre and English (insert any liberal arts major here). Then I attempt to make some joke about jobs that never goes over too well...
(After three solid seconds of silent judgement)Oh, well, that's nice. And what are you going to do with that?
Ramble something about maybe, I'm not sure, New York? Internships? Writing? I like writing, maybe journalism? Still trying to figure things out, life is hard, etc...
This can go one of two ways:
Ah, well, you're young! You still have time.
Time to what? Realize that I made a huge mistake and go back to school to become a doctor instead?? What does this even mean??
Or,
Hmm. The theatre is a tricky industry, you know. Have you thought about grad school? You know a lot of law firms want strong writers...
Ok Aunt May, thanks, I'll keep that in mind. THANKS, OK BYE.
*goes to open bar, drowns sorrows*
2. The Relationship Talk
So tell me, is there a "special someone" in your life?
If by "special someone" you mean my baby succulent plant on my windowsill then, yes. My succulent and I are very happy, thank you.
Why not?
WHY NOT?
But what every happened to that nice young man?
That was five years ago, and I don't want to talk about it, thanks.
Oh, that's a shame.
Is it, though?
You know when I was your age, I was already married to Bert.
That's because you grew up in the '50s. I am a strong, single, independent woman and I don't need a man to validate my existence, thank you.
Well, you still have time.
Again with the time. I'm only 22, jeez.
*goes to open bar, drowns sorrows*
3. The Graduation and What the Hell are You Doing Talk
Ah, a senior. When do you graduate?
... May.
Wow, that's soon! Any plans?
Denial, drinking, Netflix, the usual.
Any jobs lined up?
Um, no.
Grad School?
Ummmmm
Well, are you moving somewhere?
New York might be --
New York, the city of lights! The Big Apple! *starts singing Give My Regards to Broadway*
Yep, that's the one.
We'll see your name in lights then, won't we? *winks*
Well, no, that's not exactly my --
But it's rather filthy, though, isn't it?
I wouldn't say "filthy"...
And expensive, and overcrowded, and dangerous.
Well no, I mean, I wouldn't say --
Oh well, you still have time to think about it.
OK BYE THANKS FOR ALL YOUR HELP.
*goes to open bar, drowns sorrows*
Good luck everyone, it's only one evening, and remember to take every life advice you get with a grain of salt. God speed.