I am writing this while listening to SZA’s “Ctrl.”
What’s going on in your life? I’m sure if you’re like me, then you have no friggin clue. If we’re being honest though, nothing is ever going to keep you down forever and it just takes time. But frick that sometimes ya know. How are you supposed to deal with what is going on right now? Especially when it feels like a lot.
Control what YOU can control, and just do your best with the rest.
I have a story to tell you about how I controlled my feelings.
SIKE, you definitely cannot control feelings. BUT you can control your REACTION to them.
For example, and yes I’m still a little heated, I lost my phone recently and it had all of my stuff (debit card, ID, student ID, etc). So, needless to say, I was freaking out, but that didn’t help my situation so I had to approach it with a level head, but that doesn’t mean exasperated yelling didn’t happen beforehand.
The worst part was they asked for $50 for it and referenced that they had someone wanting to buy it for $80. So I was like wow, I’m really dealing with a true savage right now who has no regard for common decency and clearly lacks basic empathy.
If I were to find someone else’s phone, wallet, or whatever then I would just want it returned to them..because it is THEIRS. I would imagine myself in the same situation and just want to make sure they got what is theirs. But, I had to remember everyone isn’t like me. You can’t expect people to hold all of your values, even if they feel inherent to you.
So I decided to look at it in a different way. Through our correspondence, I don’t even know his name, by the way, he mentioned that he didn’t have any more minutes on his phone and therefore couldn’t talk to me over the phone about things, so we had to text.
He was being super sketchy and basically demanded that I pay him. He had all my sh*t, so what was I supposed to do? And calling the cops didn’t seem like the move, so naturally, I agreed so he wouldn’t just sell it to the other person for $80. So I am mulling over all of this in the uber to find him at the LA Convention Center, weird meeting place, and still, don’t know how I want to take it. I still wanted to be mad. But I was trying to be nice, maybe he really needed that money.
Then when I meet with him, he immediately says that he is “sorry” and that he needed the money. So I was thinking to myself, dude.
Do you think I don’t?
Me and “needed the money” are best friends in my book... maybe more so frenemies cuz I’m kind of mad at her right now, but that’s a different topic. Either way, he just assumed that I had this much money to be throwing around for something that is MINE anyway.
But then I kept thinking... I was the one who had decided that calling the cops was too much to deal with. I just wanted my stuff back quickly, and I had to deal with the decision that I made. I did not just have the means to casually throw away money. But it was a necessity at this point.
So I decided to try and look for how this situation could be a positive experience. I looked for a meaning behind the annoyance and found something kind of comforting.
I thought about how the things that happen in life don’t make sense, but maybe you can find sense out of the randomness.
I bet that extra $50 was really beneficial to him. I didn’t tell him it was fake money, but he’ll find out...LOL I wish but yeah, maybe he can buy some more minutes for his phone (I threw that shade at him when I got my phone back, he deserved that tho).
What I’m trying to say is that if you take annoying or bad situations and try to find out how you’re growing from it and/or helping someone else instead of just being mad, it might help deal with the seething anger and allow you to be more in control of your response to intense emotions.
I don’t personally think it’s possible to completely control your feelings, but it is more feasible to control the reaction you have to those feelings..try it! The album just finished up so I think I'll cut it here.
Until next time, I’m off to cancel my debit cards. Life ROCKS!