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If The Contestants On 'The Bachelor' Were Wisconsin Schools

“The Bachelor is the show that answers the question: How much wine do you have to drink until the guy making out with twenty different women seems like he’d make a good enough husband.”

Jasmine Bogart-Falbo

Jan 16, 2017

University of Wisconsin Branch Schools

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If The Contestants On 'The Bachelor' Were Wisconsin Schools

Another year, another season of The Bachelor. Another year, another semester for the UW schools. This season is definitely going to be an interesting one and I’m sure this semester won’t be anything less.

“The Bachelor" is the show that answers the question: How much wine do you have to drink until the guy making out with twenty different women seems like he’d make a good enough husband”. And UW schools answer the question: How much wine do I have to drink until being thousands of dollars in debt and having daily meltdowns seems like a good enough idea. Here are some of the contestants from this season that would be schools in our UW system:

Alexis, the aspiring dolphin trainer, would have to be UW-La Crosse. On the outside, it seems like they have everything together but on the inside they’re a little off. I could definitely picture the students at UW-La Crosse going to a party on a Saturday night and all they’re doing is making dolphin noises all night.

Everybody’s favorite, Corinne, is without a doubt UW-Madison. They just give off this aura that they are better than everyone. They’re that school everyone hates but secretly wants to be.

Danielle would be UW-Eau Claire. I don’t think many UW-Eau Claire students are taking care of sick babies for a living but they do seem to just be, for the majority, genuinely nice people. Nobody really has anything bad to say about them.

SEE ALSO: If Bachelor Contestants Were Sorority Sisters

Liz is just as creepy as UW-Stout. I’ve heard nightmares about that place and I’m sure Nick has had a few after she followed him onto the show.

Rachel, who received the first impression rose, would be Marquette. They always do seem to give off a good first impression. They can be serious but underneath they like to let loose too and get a little wild. As you could see from her vacuum cleaning/dancing, Rachel is the same way (sooo wild).

Raven could be UW-Platteville. Just like Raven, no one really knows a whole lot about it other than they are considered "hicks."

Although these are all stereotyping the people and schools in our UW system, you have to admit, they seem to fit the stereotypes. Enjoy this season of the Bachelor--it’s sure going to be an interesting one.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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If The Contestants On 'The Bachelor' Were Wisconsin Schools

“The Bachelor is the show that answers the question: How much wine do you have to drink until the guy making out with twenty different women seems like he’d make a good enough husband.”

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Making the world safer through language.

1. Use singular they for people whose pronouns you don't know, people who use those pronouns, and stop using him/her.

2. Stop using the words "opposite sex" or "both sexes" or "opposite gender" or "both genders".

3. Ask people's pronouns when you meet them.

4. Use the word cisgender.

5. Stop saying "born a boy/girl" about a transgender or non-binary person.

6. Stop using the term 'preferred pronouns'.

7. Stop using a transgender or non-binary person's dead name.

Queen B sums it up for us.

Sometimes, we just can't help the feelings we have

1. Wow. My voice sounds amazing with this song.

2. Okay, if you can't sing, don't do it.

3. But wait, I don't think I can be friends with someone who isn't going to jam out in the car with me.

4. Dance part in the car! Even when I'm alone. Because every song is my favorite.

5. Stop light. Act calm. Be cool.

6. Yes! Green light! Back at it!

7. I don't know this song, but I'm going to sing along anyway.

8. Why am I not famous yet?

9. Being next to someone who can't sing so you feel good about yourself because you rock!

10. OK, I'm so good. I need to sing louder so I can help these people out.

11. My voice doesn't reach some of those notes, maybe I should sit this one out.

12. Randomly bursting out in song and getting weird looks because of it.

13. God, thank you so much for giving me a good voice.

14. Man, I feel bad for people who can't sing.

15. Was I just humming? Did they hear me?

16. Having dance moves to go along with most songs.

17. Not being able to stop yourself at correcting people when they mess up.

18. Maybe I should post myself singing.

19. Nah, can't do it. Dumb idea.

20. Having my own personal concert in the shower. Every single time.

Normal people wouldn't understand

1. Having time to nap between classes or at all.

2. Waking up 10 minutes before your class starts and making it there in time.

3. Making it to class in general

4. Only having to hit the snooze button three times.

5. When you didn't do the homework and the teacher decides not to collect it for that day.

6. Getting that "I'm sorry, but class is cancelled" email.

7. Finding a quiet seat in the library.

8. Actually enjoying a class and understanding all of the material.

9. Having a friend to eat lunch with.

10. Finishing an assignment before the due date.

11. When there is free food on campus.

Becuase of all things to be addicted to, you're addicted to making money.

1. You can't remember your last day off.

2. Whenever someone asks to hang out, you're working.

3. When you do see your friends, you're in a "treating mood."

4. You work so much you don't have time to spend the money you're making.

5. You're too tired to function when you aren't working.

6. Finally seeing your friends and having way too much to catch up on.

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