The Only Thing That Has Been Consistent In My Life Is Change Itself

The Only Thing That Has Been Consistent In My Life Is Change Itself

I've learned to accept what I can't change and let change itself do its thing.

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This year has been rough. Like really, really rough. I thought that by now I would have things figured out, a life plan, and consistency with one person - but I still have none of that. I still don't feel that sense of comfortability, I still don't have a set-out plan of what my future looks like a few years down the road and I definitely don't have a person I can look at and call "mine".

Younger me thought that by my 20s I would have it all. I would know what I'm doing, I would know how to handle all things thrown at me. Yet here I am, 20-years-old, and still, cry at the slightest inconvenience and disruption. Thing is, the only thing that has been consistent in my life is change itself.

I can sit here and tell you what my ideal life plan for the next five years is, but I know that in a year or two, possibly even just a few months, something will block that plan. A barrier will pop up. Something will occur or somebody will leave. Change will sneak its way back into my life and I'll be pulled back to where I started because change is constant.

By now, I'm so used to my plan crumbling down that I've given up having a plan. I've given up planning what my life will look like in a few years and I've definitely given up on finding my person at college. Through it all, however, I have never felt better. I have never felt a more releasing feeling than I do now, and it's great. I've learned to accept what I can't change and let change itself do its thing. I'm going to let my adventure take its own course.

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I Ghosted My Old Self For 5 Months In An Effort To Reevaluate My Life

My life fell apart faster than a drunk dude approaching a Jenga stack.

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BREAKING (not fake) NEWS: It's true, you have to hit your lowest before hitting your highest.

I want to share my lowest with you, and I'm almost ashamed to say it had nothing to do with the loss of both of my parents. I like to think I handled that like a warrior.

Turns out I didn't, and the hurt I've been burying from that hit me all at once, the same moment my life fell apart faster than a drunk dude approaching a Jenga stack.

My life flipped upside down overnight back in August. I had my heart broken shattered, lost two very important friendships that I thought were with me until the end, lost my 9-5 job, my health took a hit stronger than a boulder, and I was absolutely lost. For the first time, ever, I let go of the reigns on my own life. I had no idea how to handle myself, how to make anyone around me happy, how to get out of bed or how to even begin the process of trying to process what the f*ck just happened. I was terrified.

Coming from the girl who never encountered a dilemma she couldn't fix instantaneously, on her own, with no emotional burden. I was checked out from making my life better. So I didn't try. I didn't even think about thinking about trying.

The only relatively understandable way I could think to deal with anything was to not deal with anything. And that's exactly what I did. And it was f*cking amazing.

I went into hiding for a week, then went on a week getaway with my family, regained that feeling of being loved unconditionally, and realized that's all I need. They are all I need. Friends? Nah. Family. Only. Always.

On that vacation, I got a call from the school district that they wanted me in for an interview the day I come home. It was for a position that entailed every single class, combined, that I took in my college career. It was a career that I had just gotten my degree for three months before.

I came home and saw my doctor and got a health plan in order. I was immediately thrown into the month-long hiring process for work. I made it a point to make sunset every single night, alone, to make sure I was mentally caught up and in-check at the same exact speed that my life was turning. I was not about to lose my control again. Not ever.

Since August, I have spent more time with family than ever. I've read over 10 new books, I've discovered so much new music, I went on some of my best, the worst and funniest first dates, I made true, loyal friends that cause me zero stress while completely drowning me in overwhelming amounts of love and support, I got back into yoga, and I started that job and damn near fell more in love with it than I ever was for the guy I lost over the summer.

But most importantly, I changed my mindset. I promised myself to not say a single sentence that has a negative tone to it. I promised myself to think three times before engaging in any type of personal conversation. I promised myself to wake up in a good mood every damn day because I'm alive and that is the only factor I should need to be happy.

Take it from a girl who knew her words were weapons and used them frequently before deciding to turn every aspect of her life into positivity — even in the midst of losing one of my closest family members. I have been told multiple times, by people so dear to me that I'm "glowing." You know what I said back? F*ck yes I am, and I deserve to.

I am so happy with myself and it has nothing to do with the things around me. It's so much deeper than that, and I'm beaming with pride. Of myself. For myself.

I want to leave you with these thoughts that those people who have hurt me, left me, and loved me through these last couple of months have taught me

Growth is sometimes a lonely process.
Some things go too deep to ever be forgotten.
You need to give yourself the permission to be happy right now.
You outgrow people you thought you couldn't live without, and you're not the one to blame for that. You're growing.
Sometimes it takes your break down to reach your breakthrough.

Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

My god, it's so f*cking good.

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The Truth Is, Life Is MUCH Harder For Us Than It Was For Our Parents

I'm not lazy, I just want to know that my education will pay off in the long run.

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Maybe it's just me, but I really think that our generation has it so much harder than previous ones. You hear your parents talk about how they were married, living on their own, and in their career by the time they were 22 — all without even going to college. Then there's us, struggling to get into a career after four years of higher education that our parents never even got. Why is that?

Why are we doing more and seeing fewer results? Why has the standard become significantly higher than ever before?

I wish things were the same as they were back then. Not because I'm lazy or because I don't want to work hard to get the life I want. But why should we have to work twice as hard and stress out twice as much to never get to where our parents are? I just don't understand how the world has changed completely and left our generation in the dust.

Why is it that 20 years ago you could get a decent paying career with benefits without a college degree, but today you're lucky if you find a decent job with a college degree? Why should I pay literally thousands of dollars for college to still be wondering if I'll even find steady employment?

I just want answers as to why this is how we are forced to live now — forced to compete, forced to be constantly worrying about the future. I'm not lazy, I just want to know that my education will pay off in the long run.

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