In the movies, consent is implied, not spoken. Sexual consent goes something like this: the lights dim, the mood swells, two people move toward each other at the same time, knowing what the other wants without speaking a word. Clothes come off seamlessly; lovemaking ensues.
In real life, what constitutes consent is more complicated than how it is portrayed in movies. Sometimes one person will initiate, other times both will, but it can still be very tricky. In some cases, one party reads a signal - a physical cue, a look, a text message - to mean one thing, while the other intended it to mean something completely different.
How we understand consent is at the core of recent rape cases. When it comes to our generation, college, drinking, hooking up, rape culture and especially consent is left in a state of confusion. People may ask "Why teach consent?" The answer is that we should teach it because we all seem to have completely different understandings of what it is.
Is consent given with body language or only verbally? How does someone indicate interest without having to ask awkwardly, "Is this okay?" a million times.
One of the biggest misunderstandings about consent is when alcohol is involved. If a person is mentally or physically incapacitated, or impaired so that such person cannot understand the fact or extent of the situation, there is no consent. But what does that really mean? When two people are in a room together, they both have certain expectations, but that doesn't mean that they are on the same page. There's such a big gap between consent and people's understanding of it, which can cause someone to go too far.
Consenting to kissing does not constitute consent to any other sexual act. You don't have to be pinned down or raped to be sexually assaulted. If you say no, stop, or I don't want this - in any situation or sexual act - that means you didn't give consent. And if this has happened to you or anyone else, then know that you are not alone. If someone violates your body you are allowed to talk about it and stand up for yourself.
Having this happen to you is scary and it is something that can be hard to process, but these kinds of situations are why we need to teach consent and what it actually means. Society as a whole needs to know what consent means so they can know whether or not they have consent to go further, or to know if they actually gave consent without someone just assuming they did.
There's a popular video that compares consent to tea , “If you say ‘Hey, would you like a cup of tea?’ and they’re like, ‘Uh, you know, I’m not really sure,’ then you can make them a cup of tea, or not, but be aware they might not drink it,” the video explains. It goes on to explain different scenarios that are relatable to situations we go through almost everyday; if you're unsure about consent, then this video is for you.
