Something that I have noticed lately is that a lot of people have issues with confrontation. The people around me, along with myself sometimes, would rather live in a frenzy of hatred towards someone for something that the person could easily change than just tell the person that they bother you. This thing about the person that annoys you could be something small, such as them chewing with their mouth open, or something larger like how they talk about other people. However, you would rather just live with not liking the person because you don't want to cause "drama." I myself have been working on improving my confrontation skills, and I have been becoming more comfortable with it.

Confrontation has become a lot easier for me because I have learned that without coming forward to someone and telling them how you feel, there is no way that they could know that they are doing something that is bothering you. People are not mind-readers, so your issues will not be fixed unless you tell the person that something needs to be solved.

Not confronting a problem that you are having with another individual is honestly a disservice to yourself. You are obviously upset with something that the other person is doing. You could be saying mean things about them behind their back, being absolutely rude to them in person, or scheming about their eventual downfall; I don’t know. All I really have to ask is why spend all of this energy making life miserable for the both of you when you could just have one difficult, five-minute conversation. Half of the time, the person doesn’t know that they are causing a problem, and would appreciate you telling them that there is one. People don’t like being in negative relationships, so this person would more than likely love to talk things out with you and make things better. It’s like taking off a Band-Aid; would you rather rip it off and have a short bit of intense pain, or would rather peel it off slowly, and feel a prolonged amount of hurt?

When this is not the case, the person probably does know that you have a problem with them, but is stuck in limbo whether or not to start the conversation with you. They sense the negative tension, they really do. On one hand, they would like to ask you about what is going on so this tension can be lessened. They want to understand the roots of these feelings. However, how do you start that kind of a conversation with someone if you are not having similar issues with said person? You can’t just walk up to someone and say hey, I have sensed and/or heard that you feel this way about me because that’s just plain awkward. That would be making assumptions about how someone else feels, and that is just not how you act like a good person. This can cause more fire and drama than anything. It has to be the person who is feeling these negative feelings who starts the conversation.

I am going to leave you guys with a scenario to think about. Say someone keeps making jokes at you that really hurt your feelings. These jokes are rather offensive, and make you feel bad about your identity and your sense of self. You have two choices. You could just let it keep going on, fueling your intense rage towards said person. On the other hand, you could just sit down with said person. You could invite them to coffee, stop by their place, or stop them on the street and walk with them. You could be honest with them, and let them know that their words hurt you a lot and try to make a compromise. I don’t know about you, but I know what I would choose.