I've often heard the phrase "The customer is always right". That's just not true at all. In fact, the customer is almost always wrong.

Day after day, people grow dumber and dumber, and I have less and less hope for the human race. I want to say that retail jobs like mine are worth it because they pay well, but I don't want to lie to you. Instead, I'm going to impart some words of wisdom to you. The "dos and don'ts" of retail etiquette, if you will.

First and foremost, DO be nice to your cashier!!!

More often than not, we hate our jobs and are just trying to make it through one shift at a time. You have no idea how much each customer can influence the way our day is going. A kind smile, some witty conversation, or even the words "Keep the change!" (even though it's probably only 37 cents) can make a shift so much more bearable.

DO put your purchases on the counter neatly.

I can't even begin to explain how anxious it makes me when people pile clothes with hangers facing every which way, shoes, shampoo, food, and the kitchen sink on my counter. They expect me to quickly work my way through that pile. All I'm saying is that some semblance of organization would be nice.

DON'T yell at me.

Please, for the love of God — stop yelling at me. I apologize if you're having a bad day, you're running late, you couldn't find something, you lost your coupon, you had to drive back to the store because you forgot something, etc., etc., but that does not give you the right to yell at me. If I yelled at customers every time I had a bad day, I couldn't keep a job for more than a week.

DON'T bring your "holier-than-thou" attitude to check out.

You are not my superior. Yes — I am behind the counter selling you your clothes, food, and whatnot, but that doesn't make you better than me. It doesn't mean I couldn't get a better job, or that I'm less educated than you. I am in college. This is one of my three jobs. THREE. JOBS. I am working too hard for you to come in and treat me like crap.

DO keep your receipts.

That's not too much to ask for, is it? If you have any inkling that you might maybe possibly need to return an item, hold on to your receipt. Keep the tags on things until you try them on.

DON'T try to return a swimsuit without the sanitary lining (ew?).

DON'T bring back things you bought last September.

Did you miss the "30 days" part of the "30-day return policy"?

DON'T buy a pair of white shoes, wear them out, get them dirty, and then return them because you can't get a grass stain out of them.

DON'T bring back an item that smells like an entire pack of cigarettes.

We can't accept it.

DON'T bring in something you bought (or stole) from another store and try to get money for it.

DON'T bring back an item you stole and try to get cash back.

It won't work.

And on that note, DON'T steal.

Shoplifters are the scum of the Earth. Especially if you're shopping at a discount retailer, just be a decent person and pay the $7.99 for the Adidas shirt that you could be paying upwards of $30 for.

DO wash your hands!

If you're filthy, sweating, and you smell like you haven't showered in three years, odds are I don't want to take cash from you. I also don't want to take money that you just pulled out of your bra. If the cash you hand me is warm and damp, I know. And I'm disgusted.

DO take your clothes off of the hangers.

If you're shopping somewhere that you can't keep the hangers, or if you just don't want to keep them, take your clothes off of them. You will never know how much time (and sanity) this saves.

DON'T get mad at me because you neglected to check for a price tag before you brought an item to the register.

It's not my fault there's no tag. I can't control how long a price check takes.

DON'T bring up two carts overflowing with stuff, pick and choose what you actually want to buy, and then leave two half-full carts of clothes and shoes for me to put away.

Contrary to popular belief, that is not OK!

DON'T invite yourself up to my register.

We have register lights and call buttons for a reason. Just because I don't have anyone at my register doesn't mean that I'm ready to take a customer. Maybe I need to put away hangers or returns. Maybe I need to take a drink or go to the bathroom. Cashiers are people, too!

DON'T complain to me about the return policy or our rewards system.

Don't yell at me about it. Don't make me try to bend the rules for you. I don't make the rules, I just follow them. I can't change them, either.

DON'T be mean to me when I ask you to sign up for a rewards card.

I'm required to ask you. We have a certain quota we're supposed to meet each day. I understand if you don't want to sign up for one, but don't yell at me about it.

DON'T wear so much perfume or cologne that I can taste it from 10 feet away.

No matter how hard I try to avoid having you at my register, I will inevitably end up having to check you out. Save me the asthma attack and use your scents sparingly!

Also, if you come up and you smell like tobacco or weed, I will to send you to another cashier and walk away to take my inhaler. I mean no personal offense — live your own life and damage your own lungs, but my lungs are weak and bad at their job, so I cannot be around you.

The moral of the story here is this: Be nice to your cashiers, don't yell at them, don't disrespect them, and don't make them cry (yes, this has happened to me more than once). Just be a decent person and we won't have any problems!