I am a former party girl. I used to live for the weekend, the pregame, the funny stories, the wildness. Then slowly the glamour of that lifestyle wore off. I was dragging ass to pregame, I was the first one sitting at the bar counting down the hours till we could go home, and then I was just outright staying in. So how did something I found to be so much fun turn into something I found myself avoiding?
Eventually the spectrum of night after stories goes from being new and hilarious, to "Typical Drunk Me" to just embarrassing. What do you mean at 23 I was still laying on the floor and crying because I wanted to go to bed, or sending annoying drunk snapchats, or breaking into my friends rooms? That's not funny anymore, it's just sad.
This isn't to say I don't still go out with my friends. It's just no longer a multiple time a week occurrence, or even a weekly occurrence. Usually it's a special occasion, I've planned it for weeks, and the recovery process of drinking and being out late is one I'm prepared to suffer through. I'm not a completely different person, I still enjoy margs and mimosas, I just can't throw back 5 of them in one sitting like before. Rather than trying to push my limits to see if I can blackout, I try and remain within my limits so I can remember the good times I am having with my friends.
The dry mouthed, bleary eyed wake up, the stumble into the kitchen to get some kind of hydration and/or caffeine into your system, and the survey of the destruction caused by pregaming. This is not a foreign concept to most people who've been to college. For me, this feeling was what slowed and eventually stopped the party train that was my social life. I couldn't hang like I used to. The staggering inability to function, the need to lay in bed, or on the couch, and the pounding headache and twisted stomach just weren't worth it to me. The sleep debt, the days it took to for your body to right itself after a night of heavy drinking, I just couldn't do that, plus get my schoolwork done, plus work/intern/function. I wasn't the best version of myself when I was going through the endless cycle of heavy drinking, recovering, and drinking again.
I drank because I thought it made me more fun, I thought it made parties more exciting, and I thought it was why I liked being social. I realized after awhile that drinking made me more obnoxious, less coordinated, and pushed me towards making decisions that I thought would invoke a positive response. I craved the validation, the feeling of camaraderie, and the unified front of grumbling the next morning. Eventually I realized being sloppy was way more trouble than it was worth (broken phones, lost wallets, weird sleeping spots, etc).
Sometimes I go out and have a cider, or a glass of wine, or if I'm feeling a little spicy, a margarita. But if I go out and decide I'm going to have one drink, I only have one drink. Or I if go out with my friends who are drinking and say I'm not going to drink, I don't. I don't need to be drunk to have a good time, and I don't need alcohol to think I'm fun--I already think I'm hilarious, so the alcohol just helps everyone else see it.
I'm not condemning people who can maintain that lifestyle and keep up with everything else they need to do in their professional, romantic, and personal lives. I'm just not one such person.
I went from needing to be the life of the party and recognized as someone who drinks an obscene amount, to being the one everyone calls grandma. I'm okay with this transition. I get all this extra sleep, I've watched so many shows on Netflix (shout out to the many weekends spent watching Buffy), and I've spent real and genuine quality time with people. Time I remember, time I have photos of where nobody has "drunk eyes".
It's okay to not want to party anymore. It's okay to be in a constant state of exhaustion and think an early bedtime sounds more appealing than pickleback shots. It's also okay to be able to chug tequila like it's water. The party lifestyle isn't for everyone, and that's ok. There is no rule saying that in order to transition to adulthood you have to be blackout drunk a certain number of times. Have fun, live your life, and don't let expectations push you to do something you don't actually want to be doing.