Someday, hopefully in the near future, I'm going to be a high school English teacher. Upon first thought, one wouldn’t expect teaching to be a particularly dangerous job. Typically, it isn’t, but lately, that hasn’t seemed like the case if you’ve been watching the news and seen the number of school shootings that have happened in this year alone. It's only March, people!

A few months back I was involved in a conversation amongst future teachers regarding guns on school grounds. The conversation was not tied strictly to teachers wielding guns or active shooters entering school grounds, but those were some of the main topics discussed. However, the single statement I remember most from that day was about someone’s mother being a school teacher, not about guns or policy. The comment was something along the lines of, “My mom is a teacher and I’d be lying if I said I don’t worry about her when she leaves to go to her classroom every day.”

Despite having been a part of countless conversations regarding gun control in the context of school settings, this comment stopped me in my tracks. It’s probably hard to believe but, before this conversation, I had never really considered that someday I will be a teacher with children and a little family of my own and that my future family may have thoughts similar to the worries expressed by my fellow teacher candidate about her own mother.

When I heard the fears of the daughter of a school teacher, that she worries about her mom being in a classroom every day, suddenly my fear strayed from being stuck in an active shooter situation, to my family worrying and wondering about me in my classroom every day. It’s a bit strange, but now I think more about how and if my family will be worried every day than actually worrying about the possibility of a shooter entering my school. Call me crazy, but as a very family-oriented person, I would hate to put the people I love through such worry every single day.

I won’t lie, I’ve thought about being stuck in the throes of an active shooter situation since I decided to become a teacher, and I’ve been terrified by the thought of my fears possibly coming true. However, that fear doesn’t dissuade me from my future profession. Yes, I’m scared for myself and other teachers, but I know that teachers are incredibly passionate about their jobs and the roles they play in the lives of their students. This is why I know that any teacher that truly loves their job and their students would go to great lengths to keep their school safe and that not even the possibility of school shootings would keep teachers from doing what they love: teaching, supporting and protecting their students.

Back to my revelation though. I had completely forgotten that I’m not the only one that is aware of the potential realities of being a teacher in today’s day and age. How had I not even considered how the people I love would feel and what they would think of me going to a school every day? Especially when people are becoming more brazen about attacking our schools. My peer had opened my eyes to a reality I hadn’t even considered: the people I care about fearing for me each time I go to work.

Despite this reality revealing itself to me, I am not dissuaded from my passion of becoming an educator. I love to work with students and I hope to have as great an influence on my students as my teachers had on me.

I have a few passions. One is to be the best teacher that I can be, and another is to be the best mother I can be when that time comes for me. These two passions collide in a way I never expected, which is that being a teacher could potentially cause my children to worry about me in my place of work. I also have a few fears, one being that an active shooter could possibly enter my school one day, even though I pray that that will never happen.

My passions are conceivable, but my fears are pretty extreme, and that’s what keeps me on track of pursuing what I love. I have great passions, and I have great fears, but no fear will ever stand in the way of my passion for being the best teacher and the best influence I can be for my students some day.