A compliment is defined by Merriam Webster Dictionary as “an expression of esteem, respect, affection or admiration; especially: an admiring remark." At times, compliments don’t feel like an expression of esteem or respect by particular individuals. In the present day, with everyone attempting to be politically correct and sensitive to comments, the context is interpreted differently.
As a child living in the suburbs, individuals felt the need to make comments about my skin color, hair and the way I spoke. Their words of “admiration" were incredibly insulting and demeaning. Most, it not all of these comments were made by Caucasian individuals who said “talking white” is valuable and, “It’s a good thing you’re not like those other black people." These aren’t compliments, but offensive comments that shouldn't ever be made.
Growing up, pats on the back were given out to congratulate me for not fulfilling the “actions” of an ordinary black individual. To the shock of everyone, I didn’t execute the stereotypical actions of the black women they saw on television. If I was less black, then an abundance of opportunities would come my way. All I had to do was deny my identity as a black individual and turn up the “white” switch to succeed in life.
In dismay, I believed that for a significant amount of my life that “white” was right. Without a doubt, these comments and the incorrect perception individuals were presenting was quite racist. These comments might not have been outright racial slurs, but they were micro-aggressions.
“Straighter hair is more beautiful," “lighter skin is more desirable," “reduce the slang in your vocabulary” and “you wouldn’t want to turn out like the rest of them," are all considered micro-aggressions. These phrases are “the subtle, stunning and often automatic and non–verbal exchanges that are, in actuality, put-downs," as described by psychiatrist Chester Pierce. Millions of young black men and women have heard these comments numerous times. Specifically, as a child, I remember an individual commenting on my curly hair, “You shouldn’t wear your hair like that, it’s too wild."
For hundreds of years, black individuals have been told that toning down their “blackness” was a necessity. The fear of offending and scaring others should be taken into consideration. Our personalities need to be tamed, the tone must be clearer and hair must be pin-straight, to rightfully fit in with society. Is this what we’re teaching young children? That altering yourself is imperative to success in life?
Individuals aren’t aware that their comments are considered “micro-aggressions” because they aren’t outright using racial slurs. Next time, saying “You’re pretty for some of your skin color” is rude and asking about the tone of my voice isn’t necessary. Those comments are racist, even if you weren't intending to be.
To all the people who’ve made comments like that, don’t worry, you’re not racist, but to think before you speak is crucial. Next time, if you ever get an itch to make a slightly offensive comment, please don’t. This is coming from a young black woman who’s heard every backhanded compliment and demeaning comment in the past twenty years of life.