I have a bad habit. It's one I've been dealing and coping with for a very long time. One I'm sure, whether we want to admit it or not, has been something we've all done before at least once in our lives.

I compare myself to others, to a point where I feel like my life is unimportant and going nowhere. Some days I can handle it. I'll find myself actually getting on track with things, ticking stuff off in my head on an imaginary list I've compiled. Those are days I cherish. The type of days where I can genuinely smile and go to bed feeling like I made a difference in my life and it's not a waste of time.

But, much like those good days, I get faced with bad ones too. Days were I toss and turn in bed with thoughts that keep me up at night. Thoughts like, "You're going nowhere in life," "You have no plan whatsoever," "Everyone else is figuring life out, why can't you?"

Sometimes it gets to a point where it's so bad I find myself going crazy. Where, if I even so much as think about my future I start to panic and resort to crying. It's like I'm in this imaginary race and everyone else is miles and miles ahead of me and I can only see a tiny speck of them if I squint.

So, why do I do this to myself? Why does anyone do this to themselves? I've tried very hard my entire life to not care what people think about me and not listen to what others have to say when it comes to my life and my plans. Because the opinions they want to share and questions they want to ask I already know and have the answers to.

I wish I could say I was someone who was overly confident and positive with herself but I'm just not. And when I see that my life hasn't exactly panned out the way I thought it would I get upset. And when I see that other people's lives are thriving and they're succeeding with flying colors I don't feel happy...... I feel extremely jealous.

Now, I know that sounds childish. Believe me, I do. There's nothing I would love more than to be able to feel complete and utter happiness for those people. And as hard as I'm trying to not compare myself to that one person whose life is so much different than mine, it's a lot harder than I thought.

It's hard when you realize that you're not where you thought you'd be in life at this moment. When you realize that that plan you had for yourself that you thought would work out and there'd be no obstacles to get there....has crashed and burned right before your eyes.

I thought once I graduated college everything would fall into place. But it's been almost a year and all I've done is managed to make everything fall apart instead. Now, sure I may sound a bit dramatic. There are and have been some pretty great moments in my life.

I graduated college with honors, got two internships, and got accepted to most of the grad schools I applied to. So, I could look at those accomplishments and do two things. I could see them as nothing close to great and complain that I don't have a job in my field, I'm not living on my own yet, and I barely manage to get by each week with a pretty embarrassing paycheck. Or, I could look at what I've done so far and say to myself, "Well Kirstie, you've come this far, there's more to follow."

So, yes I compare myself to others. And I'm trying hard each and every day to not do that. Because here's the thing, we all have different paths in life. Not one person is the same or shares the same road maps towards getting to their final destination, whatever that may be.

I know I still have a long way to go before I even feel just a little bit content with my life. Do I feel that way now? No, not career-wise. In other ways, yes I do. Because it's the people I surround myself with who help lift me up when I feel like I'm sinking and can't kick my way back up to the surface somedays.

Will I get to that point in my life where I can finally say I made it and can look back at the moments I struggled and laugh about it? I hope so. But until that happens, I'll continue to keep pushing forward no matter what comes my way. And when I see other people doing great things in their lives, I'll make sure to smile and cheer them on along the way too.