Ladies and Gentlemen: you deserve the best. Please allow me to start off with this crucial point. While you should not feel entitled, you do deserve to get back what you give into a relationship; so, whether attracted to boys, girls, or both, no one deserves to feel vulnerable and put down by a potential boyfriend or girlfriend. This being said, every day, tons of people unnecessarily suffer through feelings of unworthiness and unhappiness. When you hear one (or more) of the following phrases from someone, they may be a staunch warning of what has yet to come…the realization that your potential partner is emotionally unavailable. Please, for your own wellbeing, get out while you can and save yourself from the disappointment of a relationship with someone emotionally unavailable.

1. “Let’s Take it Slow”

First of all, taking it slow isn’t even proper grammar. Even if someone says “let’s take it slowly,” he or she would be grammatically correct, but not morally correct. Don’t get me wrong: taking a relationship slowly is definitely not a recipe for disaster, but when a person continually tells you this, does not progress, and fails to help build and nourish the budding relationship, the person is not going to make a commitment in the future. You may notice that he or she is throwing you “emotional crumbs,” or little tidbits of flattery to keep you hooked. Even worse is if you are hooking up with someone and he or she wants to take the commitment portion of this relationship “slow.” In this case, slow is merely a synonym for “not committed.” More likely than not in my own experience, this is a mere excuse for a lack of legitimate interest.

2. “I just can’t right now”

Disclaimer: sometimes, things happen at the worst times, like that time a bird dropped a surprise down to Earth and it just so happened to land on your shoulder the day you decided to debut your brand new sweater. Chances are, though, that if you care about someone or something enough, instead of putting it off, you will make time for it because you want to, not because you’re being forced to. When someone repeatedly begins saying that he or she “can’t” call you this weekend, “can’t” talk about that right now, “can’t” be committed, or “can’t” text you back, he or she is avoiding labeling the relationship and it is time you realize that while he or she may not be able to give you the appropriate attention, you can indeed make the decision to move on to someone else.

3. “I’m fine/ It’s fine”

When someone is asked if he or she needs a band-aid after a slip, if he or she responds with “I’m fine,” then the response is justified. Contrarily, consistently and frequently using either of the aforementioned phrases to cover up insecurity, unhappiness, and dissatisfaction is absolutely not healthy or normal. Steer clear of someone who is using these phrases to cover up his or her tendency to withdraw from serious commitments or conversations.

4. “I’ve never been in a relationship/Let’s see where this goes”

There is absolutely nothing wrong with never having been in a serious relationship. That’s right-- you read it here first. Everyone’s relationship history has to start somewhere, right? However, someone bringing up his or her lack of experience has the potential to be a subliminal hint that someone fears commitment. When someone uses this as an excuse to avoid opening up, serious discussions, or conflict resolution, it may be a signal to you that this is exactly why the person has never been in a relationship before and, in fact, is not ready to get into one.

5. “You’re too_____”

Fill in the blank. You’re too serious, anxious, nervous, forward-thinking… the list goes on and on. Unless this is being used as constructive criticism or to calm someone down, making someone feel that he or she should compromise his or her morals means that you do not actually care about that person. I sincerely hope you do not feel the need to justify your actions for the satisfaction of someone who is too insecure in himself or herself to appreciate you.

6. Repeating questions

When someone repeatedly asks the same questions, of course he or she could be forgetful, but it is likely that this person does not pay attention to you in the first place. If you’ve told someone your plans for tomorrow and he or she asks you what you’re doing tomorrow and why, it is only natural to assume that the person is so disinterested he or she is only asking to keep you under the false impression that he or she is interested. In addition, if you find that you know very little about this person, it is likely because he or she not only has issues opening up, but also letting others in.

7. “Okay/Sure”

Just saying “okay” without any follow-up, intention to make an amend, or effort to communicate shows that the situation is not actually okay, but rather in need of an improvement in communication. This lack of enthusiasm can also be a sign of just showing enough emotion to get by without additional disagreements. If you are discussing a serious issue and someone is saying okay over and over, it may mean he or she is unaware of what he or she is agreeing to and just trying to appease you. Furthermore, an apathetic “sure” can signal lack of interest and even a protest to completing an action. Anyone can tell the difference between: “Would you like to see My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 tonight?” “Sure! I’ve been waiting for the sequel for years!” and “Are you excited to meet my best friend this weekend?” “Sure.” Uninterested responses should be a sign of concern if it occurs consistently and does not improve even after it has been pointed out to the other person.

8. “I’m sorry”

I’m all about apologizing. We do it every day, sometimes for incidents that we have no control over, like something as trivial as sneezing in public. I am in no way advocating that we stop saying sorry when we make a mistake. However, simply saying “I’m sorry” as a vague, blanket statement just to get someone to stop nagging about something is not only offensive, but also ingenuine and dishonest. It is an empty promise that keeps you believing he or she will eventually change.

This post is not meant to tear down someone who is unable to commit, but rather to save people who are wasting their time waiting for someone to change when the person is clearly unwilling to change. Everyone is fighting a different battle, and we cannot save someone who does not want to be saved. Sometimes, rather than focusing on what the person does or says to instigate your attention, it is more important to notice what that person does not say, or the words and actions left behind. Actions like ignoring someone and then posting on social media, disappearing for days or weeks at a time, and acting secretive or evasive demonstrate a clear and obvious lack of care towards another person. Instead of trying to save someone who is unsalvageable, I encourage you to save yourself by learning to say goodbye to someone who makes you feel unworthy.