If you knew me personally, you would know that I have a vast selection of fears. Ask any of my family members or friends, and they'll tell you my nickname is "Chicken Little." Growing up, I was frightened by everything, including loud noises and butterflies. Although I'm not as much of a chicken now, I still have quite a few fears: bad weather, spiders, heights, and being alone in the dark. Most of these fears I've listed are relatively common. Another fear of mine, which is also fairly common, is a committed relationship.
By this, I don't mean that I'm scared of commitment, because I'm not. I'm loyal to somebody before we even have any substance for a potential relationship. When I develop a crush, I only "have eyes" for the dude that I'm crushing on. And I'm not scared of being with one person for the rest of my days. That's what I am looking for.
What I'm scared of is the relationship not working out, whether it be pre- or post-marriage. I desire an ever-lasting relationship. When I'm thinking of dating someone, I'm considering dating them and marrying them. I'm thinking long-term possibilities. Maybe that's scary or unusual for some of us to think of at such an early stage, but I don't date just to pass some time or have fun. If I start dating a guy, I'm hoping to start building a life together. Maybe my expectations are high. Honestly, I just don't see the point of investing so much time into a person who you don't at least hope to have some sort of future with.
My fear stems from the realization that not all relationships end in happily ever after. Breakups and divorces happen; I know that they do. I've had my share of breakups and I'm a child of divorced parents and divorced grandparents, but I don't want that to continue on the undesirable tradition. I want the relationship that I end up in to have such a strong foundation in God that we cannot and will not be separated.
It's easy for me to commit to loving and being involved with someone. Unfortunately, the reality is that you never know if the person you're committed to is truly committed to you. You simply have to trust that they are. Plus, people change, and so do their feelings. I know that whoever I choose could wake up one day and decide that he doesn't want to be mine any longer.
Even though I'm frightened, I won't be stopped from diving headfirst into a new relationship. Elvis said that "only fools rush in" and I, like Daisy in "The Great Gatsby" says, am "a beautiful little fool."
