In 2016, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. While I have been suffering from it for years, the year old diagnosis still has some people questioning the decision. I have heard many “concerns” and accusing questions in regards to how I act on the daily. For this week, I am going through one of my “bad weeks” I would like to reflect on some of the common comments I have received.

1. "But you have no reason to be sad."

This is the most common comment I have ever received. You have no reason to be sad. When people tell me this they look at the things I am privileged with, both my parents and a stable household, my education, my class, and my social circle. Looking at all that I have, it is understandable in a way to think: how could she possibly be depressed with all she was gifted with?

But that shouldn’t be a reason to denounce my illness. I didn’t ask to be born with depression or have it develop over the years but it did. I didn’t ask to be triggered so easily by my anxiety over the most simplistic of thoughts but it makes me who I am.

2. "You can’t be sad if you are being social."

My depression manifests in two different ways. The first kind is like a flock of birds endlessly screeching behind me. My mind is cluttered with too many thoughts, too many voices trying to convince me things I know not to be true. During this time I can do activities like going to work, be social, and eating. I do this as a distraction from the hammering in my mind. I try to be as social as I possibly can to try to bring me out of my pit. Sometimes it works and the next day I feel whole but other times I cannot and I lay awake at night because the constant screeching won't quiet down. I am a jumble of nerves, on edge, begging for any type of company. I’m still depressed but my body is overtime to force myself out.

3. "Why not just go out and do something."

The second manifestation is a low buzzing that sits low in my mind but like a weight sitting on me. During these times I sleep but it's empty and restless, I can’t eat because there is already a choking feeling, and I can barely will myself to move. This is my drowning point; I don’t wish to speak with anyone or see anyone. I feel the impulse to simply wither away into nothingness. Only relying on instinct to go through the motion. In this depression, I am outside looking in with seemingly no way to get back until the buzzing simply stops.

4. "Your ancestors didn’t have the time to be depressed."

Growing up, I was educated in church and among family about the struggles faced by black people in America. How my ancestors were forced as slaves, reduced to objects, beaten and broken over all for the hope of being seen as equal. When I was told my ancestors didn’t have time to be depressed because they were working to make sure that I could have a chance, there was that twinge of guilt. How could I be so caught up on my small problems when my people had to endure so much for me to have all I have?

This thought is toxic and it tries to shift blame to the ones who need patience and understanding. Yes, it is difficult to come to terms with your own problems when the issues of the past seem so overwhelming. But we have to remember, we all face pain in our own way and your depression is valid. The fighters of the past did so to make sure that we were seen as human. And being human means acknowledging everything that makes you, you. Even the depression.

The comments on depression are different for everyone. Sometimes the concerned voices of your loved ones come off hostile. Other times it is simply your voice trying to diminish your worth. No matter the voices and comments you hear, to all who are living day by day with this, know that you are still here. You still exist. And in your own time, you will prove them wrong.