It's difficult to look at yourself and not like what you see.

The past few years I've struggled with my identity and figuring out who I am. In that process I found myself moving away from God and trying to figure out everything on my own.

I went to church less and less, stopped reading my Bible, and only prayed when I needed something. God was not part of my life anymore and I sought my happiness from others and materialistic things. I put all of my self-love in my friends, roommates, family, and boyfriend. I thought if I had their approval that would be enough and I wouldn't need anything else. I drank to "have fun."

I went to the bars with my friends to fit in. I found myself distancing myself from religion more and more every day.

Then a month ago, I went through the tough time of losing the man I fell in love with. My heart was broken and I felt worthless, abandoned, and alone. I had put all of myself into the relationship and ultimately ended up with nothing in return.

I felt dumb and scared.

How could I put all of my happiness into the hands of a man who left me so easily? I was angry at myself and at the world. I called my family and friends seeking guidance and reassurance. I needed to feel loved and secure.

Little did I know that my security, love, and wisdom would come from the Lord. My parents brought me back to God. They prayed for me, they took me to church, but still I felt distant from it all.

How could an all-powerful, almighty, and amazing God love someone like me?

How could He forgive me for the sins I had done?

How could I ever be good enough for His love and mercy?

I prayed, I cried, I asked "Why me?" I still felt disconnected from it all. Then I sought His guidance. I stopped asking "Why is this happening to me?" and started asking "What can I learn from this? What is Your plan?" I stopped complaining about the things I didn't have, and start thanking Him for what He provided me.

I had a home, a family, wonderful friends, caring roommates, and much more. I had the most self-less mother you would ever meet. I had a father that loved and cared about me and would give me the harsh truth to make me stronger. I had a sister who didn't understand what I was going through, but stood by my side as I tried to figure it out.

I had roommates who listened to me cry, who supported my decision to start over, who stuck by me as I choose to change my life around. I had a God, an amazing savior, who loved me the way I am.

He forgave me, even when I didn't deserve it. He loved me, even when I was completely and utterly unlovable. He stood by my side, He helped me back up after I had fallen down. He gave me strength, wisdom, and understanding. He loved me through my sin, my mistakes, and my pain.

I've gone back to God. I've sought His love and mercy. I am coming back to Christ.