"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18 †

There is an unusual, odd comfort in pain.
Coming from someone who doesn't go a day without pain, let me tell you.
But how can someone have comfort in such a thing when its own definition is "physical suffering or discomfort caused by illness or injury"?

Now listen to me,
there has not been a day which goes by that isn't mostly painful. There are less painful days, there are extremely painful days, and then there are the regular painful days.
It is quite difficult the amount of times I have already wanted to write the word "normal" because those aching nerves are my daily normal, although I know it isn't actually normal.

What kind of life is this? Most ask, appalled or in disbelief.

Don't be shocked, because I know that I'm not alone that feels like this.

There is a comfort in this elongated pain.
When there isn't the constant pinching in the joints, the nerves, the organs, the heart, the mind, the soul...
...I often think something is wrong.

Just sitting at work, in class, or in my room, I feel the pain. Most would say I am suffering, but I don't feel like I'm suffering. I have learned to not enjoy my pain, rather be content with my current situation. I experience much comfort in the ache.

When I listen to up beat music, when I am focused on homework, when I am with a group of people; when I get to experience the best parts of life, it is still there...
...lingering in the background.

I am not afraid, I am not weak either.
I have a great tolerance for this life.

I sometimes question what it's like to go through a day without feeling any of this grief. Is it easy? Does it go by fast? What feeling is there instead? Is there actually a time that the body does not ache from head to toe?

I see old pictures, I hear old songs, I see old friends, and I say hello to the one who has never left me: the pain. I humbly realize that my aches haven't changed from last year, five years ago, even 10 years ago.

I smile, however.
I reminiscence about the daily pain, and I grin because I am still alive. I deal with it every day and in every moment.

I excel. I don't listen to my body groaning from the ache, and ache so strong that it crawls through my bones and into my blood, my mind, and even my spirit on the really tough days.

If I couldn't handle this, though, I wouldn't be here now to write these exact words.

Believe me, I'm alive, I'm tough, I'm resilient, I'm not scared to live this life.

You're not alone if you feel the same way I do.

If you're still discouraged, your pain has a purpose.

†