Coming up later this month, I am passing my 1 year anniversary of living and coping with mental illnesses (woohoo!). I say this because it's typical for people to think that mental health issues, like depression and anxiety, only last a few weeks, a few months tops. Everyone expects it to get better, for things to go away, and for normal feelings to return. Little do people know that that is never the case.

I really wish that I could write and say that it has been all sunshine and rainbows since my last post, but sadly, it has not. Instead I am here to validate anyone who is feeling down, depressed, anxious, or nothing at all. I am here to hopefully help someone else. I read that God won't be able to pull you out of dark tunnels with his bare hands, but instead, he throws you a rope, and all you have to do is latch onto it.

I am here as living proof that patience is key. That waiting is painful, but so so worth it. I've gone through days where I've been too anxious to eat. Nights where I aimlessly wandered around Butler's campus by myself because I couldn't sleep. I've had times where I couldn't help but cry. But I've had times where I was so present in the moment, I forgot about the list of things I had to do. Moments where my cheeks hurt from smiling so big or laughing so hard. My point being, is that it may not all be rainbows and butterflies, but it's also not all thunder and rain.

College has definitely made a difference in my mental health. I've met some pretty great people. People who can tell when something is bothering me. People who can make me laugh when all I want is to cry. I've made a community of people who believe the same things as me. People who help me breathe when the world is collapsing in on it self.

I remember one day I started thinking about how I will have to deal with this for my whole life. How exhausting it was when I had just dealt with it for a few months at that point. I kept trying to convince myself that it would go away in a few months, that it was just a season. But I was wrong. Mental illnesses don't just vanish, like a physical illness, but YOU adapt. You learn. You grow. That's how it gets better. Thats when the sun comes back into your life.

As I begin my second year of living with a mental illness, I was presented with the opportunity to reflect on my journey a few days back. I am absolutely so grateful for my highs and lows of the past few months, and even two years. I am so grateful for my family and friends (new and old) who have helped me along the way. I am so grateful for the courage that is sparked in me when I read another post similar to mine.

I write this post because I learned tonight that you can be lost, you can get the worst news of your life, or you can feel like giving up, but God is always always there. As I have a great opportunity coming this week (!!), I write to clear my mind. Something about writing (or typing) makes it easier to share, rather than trying to put unknown feelings into words. But I can not stress this enough (something that I am still working on) TALK to people when you feel sad, when you feel helpless or hopeless. TALK to someone, anyone. I promise, starting the conversation could help save a life. Know that you are worthy, you are loved, and you are enough. :)

Feel free to talk to me about anything and everything, I'm all ears.