College is pivotal time in every young adult's life for a multitude of reasons: we're moving away from home, starting the journey down our professional career paths, meeting new people, and coming into our own. But what's also changing is our susceptibility to developing mental health conditions. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), three-quarters of all chronic mental illness begins by age 24.
Millions of college students are dealing with impacts of mental illness, but the stigma and silence around it makes being mentally ill in college feel like the most isolating experience in the world. College is definitely not the "best four years of your life" when you're living with mental illness, so here's a glimpse into what it's actually like.
1. It's lonely
Even if you aren't a socially anxious introvert like me, college is extremely emotionally isolating when you have a mental illness. You feel like a complete alien in the space that is supposed to be your home.
2. You're going to blame yourself
I mean, what is depression if not years of suppressed self-loathing? You're going to feel like you're letting everyone down every time your mental health gets in the way of college life, they're lessons you need to learn in prioritizing self-care and self-love.
3. Don't equate success with productivity
I have a lot of internalized guilt and shame for not being a productive person, but I'm slowly learning that it's just as bad to work to the point of exhaustion all the time. A successful day doesn't have to be a productive day, and success looks different on everyone. Maybe a successful day for you means cleaning the house and getting all your homework done, or maybe it means something as simple as getting up and taking a shower.
4. You may be eligible for disability accommodations
If you're concerned about your mental health affecting your academic performance, check with your school's disability services to see if you qualify for accommodations. I had no idea this was even a thing before my psychiatrist told me (thank you, society, for instilling in me the belief that illnesses are only real if you can see them). You may need written documentation of your diagnoses, but these accommodations can be a lifesaver and can include things like extra time on exams, alternative assignments, taking exams in a private space, and more.
5. The smallest things are going to feel impossible
Whether it's making phone calls, getting dressed, or cooking food for yourself, a lot of seemingly mundane tasks are going to feel like climbing Mount Everest to you. Take it one day at a time, one step at a time, and don't punish yourself when you fail. You take a step back and try again tomorrow, then you keep trying.
6. You're responsible for getting help
Your professors aren't going to email your parents if your grades start to slip or if you're missing class. You're the only person who can hold yourself accountable, and you have to be the one to know when it's time to ask for help.
7. Don't bottle everything up
Find someone who you can check in with, whether that's a family member, friend, therapist, or advisor. If you keep everything bottled up inside of you, one day you're going to explode. Talking about feelings sucks, but so does carrying the burden of those feelings alone.
8. People will judge you — but you don't owe anyone an explanation
Turning down plans because of your mental health is 100% valid. People won't always understand and will try to convince you that you're overreacting or overthinking or letting people down, but you can't let their ignorance get to you. Self-care first, always.
9. You're going to spend a lot of time thinking about giving up...
You're going to want to throw in the towel. You're going to ask yourself if going to battle with your brain every single day is worth it. You're going to ask yourself "why does any of this matter?" multiple times a day and veer closer than you ever have to the edge of giving it all up.
10. ... but you're going to have good days, too
Maybe college won't be the best four years of your life, but that doesn't mean it will be completely devoid of joy. There will be some good moments, like, some really unforgettable, incredible, GOOD moments. Those are the days to live for and the ones that will give you the strength to push through your lowest days.
11. You can be selfish
You are not going to be able to satisfy everyone, and that's okay. You're allowed to say "no" and you're allowed to put yourself first. If you aren't at your best, nothing you do will be at its best either.
12. New things are going to trigger you
College is going to throw you into a lot of new, and oftentimes uncomfortable, situations. Everything is constantly changing and you're going to have to learn how to adapt when new experiences trigger flare-ups for you. You don't need to spend your time in college fearing the next thing that's going to set you off, but you do need to be self-aware. Learn to check in with yourself and recognize the signs that your mental health is slipping.
13. You're going to receive a lot of unsolicited advice
Inevitably with every person you find who you trust to open up to, you're going to be greeted with "look on the bright side," "maybe you should try exercising," and "you should get out more." I'm sure everyone means well, but unfortunately "How to Talk to Someone with a Mental Illness 101" isn't a required course.
14. You'll learn your limits the hard way
As with life, you'll learn from your mistakes. You'll push yourself too hard and keep everything to yourself and try to please everyone, but it will blow up in your face. And hopefully, when you come out of it, you'll dust yourself off, know when you need to take a break, and try again.
15. It's OK not be a straight-A student
Try your best, but don't be discouraged when your best isn't straight A's. College is hard enough on its own, and throwing mental illness into the mix only makes it all the more challenging. Your best is good enough and it's all anyone is asking of you.
16. You'll have to choose between sick days and mental health days
Because, you know, mental health days aren't "real" sick days. Until mental health days are recognized as excused absences, you're going to have to choose between going to class with a fever so you can stay home during a panic attack or vice versa.
17. You can't ignore it
Ignoring the problem won't make it go away, it will only make it worse. If you want to improve your mental health, you have to work, fight, and thrive for it every single day and keep the hope alive that one day it will get easier.
"Healing isn’t about changing who you are; it’s about changing your relationship to who you are. A fundamental part of that is honoring how you feel." — Suzanne Heyn