Every college student of the 21st century knows of the dreaded sound that strikes fear in the innocent passerby: the rumble of skateboard wheels. It brings the threat of toe injury, over-confidence, and downright jealousy. Regardless, it is a trend we are all simply having to deal with.
It's fine. Really. But skater bois, we have things to say.
1. Watch the toes!Giphy
There has been more than one instance when I feared for my life as a skateboarder flew past me. More importantly, I feared for my toes, exposed by my Birkenstocks to the danger of the wild college campus. I just know the day will come when I have to say a bitter farewell to the toe that meets an unfortunate fate at the wheel of a skateboard. For now, watch out! I love all ten of my toes, and I am not ready to part with them!
2. We get it; you're cool...Giphy
I thought the whole "I can ride a skateboard, so that means the girls will love me because I am so skilled and talented and edgy" phase died in ninth grade. Apparently, I was wrong. I know how you guys are. You ride your long-board a little closer to other students not because you cannot steer (though that is a possibility,) but because you know it will grant you the brief attention of the girl walking behind you. Sure, she is annoyed by you, but the attention is nonetheless given.
3. No, this is not your own personal skate park.Giphy
I know. I know. The stairs are a tempting obstacle to show off your insane skater skills. Even so, we must resist. Students need to use those stairs for safe and practical purposes. Other school property not acceptable for skateboarding across include (but are not limited to) railings, parking decks, benches, the fountain in the middle of the quad, any picnic table, and, once again, the stairs.
4. Please don't get hurt in front of me.Giphy
As a future teacher, I completely support and encourage the desire to learn new skills. It develops patience and practices problem-solving. That being said, when you learn a dangerous new trick on the skateboard you got for your birthday three weeks ago, do it out of my way. I love that you love your skateboard, but I don't love when you get in my way. I also really don't love when you hurt yourself. And then if blood is involved you'll get squeamish, and I'll pass out, and it's just a big deal I don't want to worry about.
5. It's the sideWALK for a reason.Giphy
I personally pride my school on caring enough about student transportation to incorporate a bike lane into the road. Skaters, don't feel left out; this lane is for you too. No need to plow through a group of innocent students because the sidewalk is your "only option." We know the truth, and we will very much judge you.
6. Learn how to ride a skateboard before taking it to class.Giphy
To the new skater out there, I see you, and I respect you. Please, do not hurt yourself, sweetie. Take your time. Have a few test runs before throwing on your backpack and taking the board through the narrow space between walking students. It saves me time. It saves you time. It saves all of us time. Also, I just can't deal with the awkward eye contact that happens when you embarrassingly slip off the skateboard because you aren't comfortable enough with it yet to properly take it across campus.
7. Electric bois, struggle up the hills like the rest of us.Giphy
The electric long-board was an invention of both convenience and pure evil. Convenience for those who can ride it without injury, and evil for those of us who have to longingly watch at the electric bois fly by us on the way to class, managing their ways up hills with ease. I want to be mad at you, but I am truthfully just jealous. Just remember that with great power comes great responsibility. Make good choices.
8. Just humble yourself... please.Giphy
I see you skater bois out there. You throw on your aviators, kick down your long-board, and take off without so much as a glance back at us peasant walkers. Guys, humble yourselves. In the words of Mufasa, "Remember who you are." Oh, and don't be a jerk to pedestrians.