My college career has been a unique one, thus far. I’m on school number three entering my senior year, give or take some credits. Transferring isn’t taboo, but for myself these changes were often due to difficult, life-altering scenarios which changed the path to my degree and my own self-discovery. I use to criticize myself for being, what seemed, incapable of “fitting in” or “being like the other college kids”. Over time, I have come to a point to appreciate the journey that has taken me to this moment in life and the benefits of me “never fitting in”.

So here I am within my first week at a city located school. My previous colleges were either located in your A-typical “college town” or in the comforts of my own suburban hometown. As I aimlessly wandered around a campus compiled with no real confining borders but instead, blended into the daily grind of urban life, it dawned on me. I was able to connect my off-road path of college to that of realities of life. Both nowhere close to seamless.

When I applied to my current university, I had little knowledge of the campus or it’s culture. I threw a “Hail Mary” of sorts in my game of education. Though nervous, despite having a lot of practice being the new girl on campus, I concluded how my journey through various schools was essentially just a very small example of the difficult paths to success I will treatch through in life. But nonetheless, great practice.

Getting a degree is only a small portion in the successes of life. How and when you acquire it is half the battle and fun. For some, it is completely unnecessary on their a way to a successful life. But for those who choose and drop a hefty sum of money, it is the ultimate end goal of their education and the starting point for their future.

High school seniors across the country anticipate the arrival of college. Often, these are daydreams of the freedoms and experiences that aren’t present in their life at that moment. At eighteen, I believe very few know even a sliver of themselves. But plans and ideas are fantasized, creating a belief in what the next four years should have in store. My initial scenario, I so thoughtfully planned in my head, included the stereotypical college experience. Or at least, what I thought that meant. I chose an university in a rural location with big football, Greek life, and a massive, homogenous student body.

After a year, I became heavily depressed by my surroundings. The same frat house, girls in the same attire as myself, and the constant feeling of constriction within the alienated campus all made for a mental dead end. I couldn’t seem to grasp why what I thought was the ideal experience was not in my favor. I would see fellow classmates and they seemed to have it all figured out. But if you put five beers in me, I would have told you that college was amazing for me there, as well. I knew that these feelings, in truth, were too strong to go by the “fake it til you make it” strategy. It was hard to admit that my expectations were false and transferring, from a school some coined “The Disneyland of Colleges”, seemed like a failure at my end. Truth be told, I can look back and simply justify it as being a poor fit. Not some sort of inability on my part. So with new insight on myself, I left for what would seem to be the answers to all my problems.

My next university, located in my hometown, I was able to produce better grades but I was still in a rut. I was holding on to my old ideas of what life should look like until my knuckles were white. I was in a campus separated by the “outside world”, but with minimal campus culture and a miniscule student population. So I did not assimilate very well, I did not want to get involved, I didn’t necessarily want close friends from there. All this due to my preconceived notions of how my life needed to look. The “outside world”, or surrounding city, took a bigger role in my life. I prioritized my part-time jobs over any student involvement. While internally, I was playing tug of war between my old ideas of myself and the truth. In this time, I felt like I truly lost myself. What I didn’t understand was what was actually happening. Occurring was the crumbling of my misconceptions of self and the getting to the bare bones of who I am, truly.

From there, I took a semester off. I stopped partying, worked less hours and I dabbled in hobbies. Taking a semester off, once again, was originally seen as a failure on my part. But I’ve changed my view on that, I view it as time necessary for my mental health. A time to recenter and be able to make thought out choices, when before I made rash ones with motives often skewed. Accepting my plan as not bulletproof to life was a major realization. There is no point in fighting against the ebbs and flows of life in order to “prove” something or someone, when ultimately the fight is the sacrificing of new growth.

With my head cleared and better understanding of myself, I’ve landed at the school I am currently enrolled in. One that, after trial and error, better fits what I’m going for. The downtown atmosphere and the diverse student body may be a more daunting environment in comparison to my cradle before, but now being a stronger individual with growing self awareness makes this challenge all the more liberating. I’ve also come to realize that “normal” is “abnormal”. Hundreds of thousands of college students deal with upsets in their plans due to many internal and external reasonings. Some may wear it better than others to the outside world, but that doesn’t make them less present. Life throws curveballs to everyone’s master plans, so if college has proven more difficult, don’t be fearful to throw your old thoughts behind. Tackle what has been placed in front of you and discover something new. Don’t view things as moments of failure when they don’t fit to your plan accordingly, because those moments are the best opportunities to grow. Also, consider yourself lucky, many don’t experience this until a much later time. So possibly, you are just ahead of the game. My final advice, is to definitely set a plan and goal, but do so in pencil. That way, you are able to hand life the eraser.