College kids. What a weird species. To the observing eye, we are fascinating creatures. Somehow we can be the hardest-working, laziest, coffee-habituated, food-scarfing, sleep-addicted specimens in the entire human race. As a college student, I can attest to the weird things that I have seen in my past three collegiate years.

1. We have the ability to live on no sleep whatsoever

Papers are due, friends to see, tests to study for, Netflix to watch, there are so many more things I could do in a day without sleeping. Who needs it? Not college kids. When we don't want to sleep, It becomes a completely unnecessary bodily process. As a college student, there is an energy source that I can tap into that'll keep me going for days.

2. We have the ability to sleep more than a newborn

Papers are due, friends to see, tests to study for, Netflix to watch, there are so many things that require my attention. I’m overwhelmed, baby it’s cold outside, all my clothes are dirty, who needs sleep? College kids. When we really want to sleep, no one does it better. When we decide to take a T.K.O status, good luck finding us for a couple days…

3. Coffee addiction spikes from "yes, I want cream and sugar" to "does your coffee come in an IV?"

Before college, coffee was probably not even in our vocabulary. From the first time we engage in college studying and schoolwork, coffee enters our arena. It starts innocent with creamer and sugar, but then we slide down that slippery slope of negating all the add-ins and fru-fru flavors until we go to the dark side. “One Coffee. Black. Like my soul.”

4. We have the power of spontaneous remembering

You know spidey-senses? Yeah we have something similar to that. We can go about living our care-free lives and then at 8pm on a Sunday our spidey senses will tingle and BOOM, we recall the due date of an essay at midnight. You think we forgot that ONE embarrassing thing you did freshman year? HA NO. Something as small as a TV commercial will trigger memories you wish were buried.

5. Our social skills can be flipped like a light switch

Flipped on, we can and will talk the ears off of any human, animal, or object in our path. We got stuff to say. We can be by far the most social creatures on earth. We can talk, sing, chant, snapchat, text, call, Facebook, Tweet, DM, Send you a Pin, FaceTIme, all within the span of two minutes. Be afraid, be very afraid. Flipped off, we can be mutes. We can nod, SMH, make faces, move our eyebrows, shrug our shoulders, stay completely frozen, all to avoid having to communicate or worst case scenario actually being involved in a conversation that requires more than a yes or no response. When our social switch is off and you need something from us, I’m sorry, try again later.

6. The idea of three meals a day is laughable

You’ll catch us college kids in one of two eating habits. And this could vary from day depending on schedules, schoolwork, general interest in the task, etc. One habit is laughing at three meals a day thinking “ain’t nobody got time for that!”. We are busy! We are going from one thing to the next, we are lucky to eat twice in a day, let alone three! The second habit is laughing at three meals a day saying “I eat three meals before noon….” We are stressed and always running around, which means we need fuel! We have access to all the food, and no one to tell us no! We can eat all day. We can put down some food, do not doubt our capacity to hold nourishment.

7. Our trust issues are at an all-time low

This is a direct onset from our professors. Right out of the gate we are presented with lies and false hope. “The reading isn’t that long” *assigns chapters 1-12*. “The quiz will be only one or two questions” *Question 1 has 17 parts to it*. “The exam will be extremely similar to the review” *review covers chapter 3, exam tests you on the author’s blood type*. Lies. All the lies. Our trust is extinct.

8. If you have privacy it is a rarity, not a privilege or a right

This one could correlate with spontaneous remembering powers. With our ability to be the most sociable creatures combined with our spontaneous remembering, there is no secrets to be kept in college. We know all, and if we know all, everyone knows all. Skeletons in your closet are set free and we are all there the add it to our SnapChat stories and we sure don’t forget to save it and add a geofilter to remember the exact location of it.

9. Our professional typing skills are a positive correlation to due dates

You think we are a bunch of ignoramuses that can’t formulate words beyond LOL,WYD, IDK, or what’s up? You obviously have not seen us write a college essay the night before it’s due. Typing skills go from beginner to advanced real quick and in an attempt to make us feel good about this essay, we dig way down deep to those middle school adjective lessons (spontaneous remembering) and find every other word to say beside good and bad. As deadlines approach closer and closer, we suddenly become the quickest, most efficient, most literate writers you’ve ever seen.

10. The notion of "New Year, New Me", can (and will) be restated everyday

We can be a new us every day if we want. Who knows who you’ll get when we get up in the morning? Half the time, we don’t know either… it’s college kid roulette. May the odds be ever inn your favor.

11. We speak many languages

We speak body language fluently. Why’s he standing like that? Why’s she doing that? Why is she sitting that way? Why is he acting like that? We speak hidden text message messages. Why did he type it like that? What’s the tone? Why did she use that emoji? Why is she waiting so long to reply? We speak Snapchat. Why did she send a black screen? Why did he only send that to me? Why did she put that on her story? Why did he replay that snap? We also speak sarcasm, fully convincible confidence, elaborate excuses, and are fully fluent in distraction-ese as if it were our native tongue.