College is seen by many as a time in a person's life where they grow and mature, where they find themselves and start to form the ideas and abilities that make them a unique and individual person. But what if you feel college isn't for you?

Currently, I am ending my second year here at the University of North Texas, and while things certainly are clearer than they were at the end of my first year here, I'm far from knowing what it is that I truly want in life. Growing up, I had always said that I never wanted the basic 9-5 job. I wanted freedom and the ability to use my creativity and make something in this world. I naturally gravitated towards writing and music, as they seemed to come naturally for me. I would look at different career after career and see that my goals and dream jobs had little to nothing to do with a degree. As I got older, I saw college as a machine that pushed out college kids for the basic jobs done by boring people. It was safe to say that by the time that I was a senior in high school, I wasn't too keen on the idea of myself in college. I saw college as an unnecessary step between me and my goals. I wanted to be a writer or a musician, not a college kid paying thousands for a degree that I would never need or use.

Nevertheless, my mother pushed me to go. We made a deal, that if I truly hated college and didn't have to be here after year number one, I wouldn't have to come back for year two. Well, year one came and went, I got good grades, made some friends, and grew as a person. My mom always said that college isn't about the degree; it's about growing and maturing, being comfortable with pseudo-adulthood.

She was so very right. Looking back, I am now at the end of yet another year in college, my grades are still good, and the friends are still here. But I'm still not sure it's for me. Sure I am doing well, and heck, I'm even having a great time! I just don't know if it's worth it. I've found myself writing more, and putting more time into music this year and I always wonder a huge what if. What if I put all of my effort into the writing or the music? What if I gave it all that I have and put it all on the line?

I guess that's truly why I don't feel as though I belong in college, because I think of all the things I could be doing instead. That brings up the biggest 'what if' of all. What if I pour my heart and soul into the music and the writing and I fail? See, for me, college is the safety net. I pay tuition and housing to have a fallback plan and to avoid potentially failing at my dream.

That's what it boils down to -- a fear of failure. I have loved college so far and I am really excited for my time left here at the University of North Texas. I just want something to show for it.