1. If you have burnt Easy Mac in the microwave, you might be a college idiot.

I know that not having your parents around to make you dinner can be intimidating, but following instructions on microwavable food is a basic skill. Trust me, the smell of burnt Easy Mac will haunt you for the rest of your dorm days. Open the microwave two weeks later? Burnt Easy Mac. Turn on the heater once the weather gets cold? Burnt Easy Mac. Ready to snuggle into bed for a deep slumber? BURNT EASY MAC.

2. If you voluntarily schedule an 8 a.m., you might be a college idiot.

You will regret it. That is all.

3. If you get too drunk to make the two-minute walk home, you might be a college idiot.

Granted, everyone has a bad night. Totally understandable. However, if you feel yourself getting to this point, turn back, and put yourself to rest my sweet prince. Going on a (two-minute walk) adventure to your friends' dorm, only to walk in and fall asleep on the bathroom floor will most likely leave you regretting your evening's decisions in the morning.

4. If you wait to write your 10-page term paper until the night before its due, you might be a college idiot.

I repeat: You will regret it.

5. If you don't love 2 a.m. trips for fries, you might be a college idiot.

Whether it's a victory trip after finishing that term paper or your drunk friends have demanded McDonalds, late night fries are never a bad idea.