WOOOO!! A whole new world of guys that I haven’t spent the past 13 years growing up with that don't know everything about me. A fresh start. I can redefine myself. I can be whoever I want to be. If something doesn’t work out, I can move on to the next one. I’m gonna find my dream guy in college! All these things are things we’ve said or thought when we came to college, but we didn’t know was the real struggle of college dating. Below are a few things about college dating and why it isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
Truth is, it’s hard to meet people.
While everyone is in the same boat of needing friends, it’s actually pretty hard to make them. Especially with the opposite sex. Our first friends in college are usually the people we live with or the people in our sororities and fraternities. These people usually being the same sex as us. Its especially hard to meet people you think are cute in your class. You know that boy in your math class that sits across the room who you'd do anything to talk to. How do you think he would feel if you just dropped him your number? YOU COULD, but we like to be a little classier than that.
Let’s talk about time in college. Free time in college is very rare, especially when you’re super involved in things. When you come to college you wanna get the “full college experience”, so you join lots of clubs and take a full class load. With all the club meetings and all the homework free time is very rare. This makes it super hard to find time to hang, and let’s be real. How much fun is it to have a boyfriend you can’t see? And homework dates get really boring REAL fast. Time is a constant factor in everything we do. When you’re super busy in college and you don’t have time to hang out with that cute guy you really like, he takes it personal. It’s not that we’re personally trying to make our lives so busy, it’s just college. College is busy and that’s that. Don’t take things personally when I say I can hang out with you 5 days from now. I’m here to get my degree not my M R S.
The "good time people."
Lets be real, this is college. Some people are just here to have a good time. They aren't looking for commitment or a relationship. They simply want to have a good time that night and continue on with their lives the next day. This is the sad truth about college. Some people are just in it for the pure enjoyment of that night. This makes dating hard because how do you know which guys truly want to stay and which guys are just in it for the night. Chances are the guy that's only around for the night is the one that knows all the right things to say and the one that would stick around is to shy to say all the right things. I'm not saying its only guys that do this, girls can ask the same way. But in general these one time call people make college dating difficult cause you have to try and decide which guys are these guys and which guys are the real ones.
Who are we?
In college lets be honest we don't know who we are. We are learning to define ourselves. We are growing and changing into the person we are going to be for the rest of our lives. This is our first chance to be away from our families and really focus on ourselves. Not knowing who we are makes the world of finding our perfect person hard. It makes it hard because we don't understand who we are and who we are going to be. This means one day we could be the happiest person and the next day we could be the most depressed person. This makes it truly hard to get to know someone. Just like when someone says "tell me about yourself," you don't know what to say cause you don't know who you are. If we don't understand who we are how can we expect someone else to know and love who we are.
What do we want?
When we get to college our dating world changes. We aren't stuck to the people we've grown up with our whole lives. We have this whole big fish bowl to choose from. We discover we don't exactly know what we want. Our "dream guy" begins to change. We begin to question if we really want a quiet guy because we met a loud one that seemed wonderful. Trying to find a life partner when you have no idea what you want is hard. Its like trying to pick a restaurant to eat it when you have no idea what you want.
Think about it when you come to college you have a goal. You want to complete your degree to help you reach your dream job, and chances are you already know where you want to live. When we meet someone they also have goals. These goals are very rarely the same. This makes things complicated because its hard to get serious with someone when you know they want to live somewhere else than you do. I know its just college and we shouldn't stress to much about the future but you don't want to get serious with someone and then get your heart broken because you both want VERY different things.
The act of dating.
In college the act of actually dating is hard. You have classes and homework and they have classes and homework. Its hard to find time to actually go out. Dating is about getting to know that person and feeling the two of you become one. Its hard to do that when your dates consist of dinning court dinners and homework. Chances are you also don't every truly have alone time with this person either, and were all a little different when we are alone.
College dating is one of the hardest things. The definition of dating isn't what it was in high school. Lots of things are different and you have to think about a lot of things. Dating in college is very serious because this is the time we look for our life time partner. If things aren't working out, you have to move on. Dating in college teaches us a lot about ourselves and helps us and our significant others to better ourselves.
Don't get serious with someone with the intent of leaving and make sure when you do start to get serious with someone you really mean it.