College Dating

College Dating

College is a whole new world, don't lose yourself.
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WOOOO!! A whole new world of guys that I haven’t spent the past 13 years growing up with that don't know everything about me. A fresh start. I can redefine myself. I can be whoever I want to be. If something doesn’t work out, I can move on to the next one. I’m gonna find my dream guy in college! All these things are things we’ve said or thought when we came to college, but we didn’t know was the real struggle of college dating. Below are a few things about college dating and why it isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

Truth is, it’s hard to meet people.

While everyone is in the same boat of needing friends, it’s actually pretty hard to make them. Especially with the opposite sex. Our first friends in college are usually the people we live with or the people in our sororities and fraternities. These people usually being the same sex as us. Its especially hard to meet people you think are cute in your class. You know that boy in your math class that sits across the room who you'd do anything to talk to. How do you think he would feel if you just dropped him your number? YOU COULD, but we like to be a little classier than that.

Time.

Let’s talk about time in college. Free time in college is very rare, especially when you’re super involved in things. When you come to college you wanna get the “full college experience”, so you join lots of clubs and take a full class load. With all the club meetings and all the homework free time is very rare. This makes it super hard to find time to hang, and let’s be real. How much fun is it to have a boyfriend you can’t see? And homework dates get really boring REAL fast. Time is a constant factor in everything we do. When you’re super busy in college and you don’t have time to hang out with that cute guy you really like, he takes it personal. It’s not that we’re personally trying to make our lives so busy, it’s just college. College is busy and that’s that. Don’t take things personally when I say I can hang out with you 5 days from now. I’m here to get my degree not my M R S.

The "good time people."

Lets be real, this is college. Some people are just here to have a good time. They aren't looking for commitment or a relationship. They simply want to have a good time that night and continue on with their lives the next day. This is the sad truth about college. Some people are just in it for the pure enjoyment of that night. This makes dating hard because how do you know which guys truly want to stay and which guys are just in it for the night. Chances are the guy that's only around for the night is the one that knows all the right things to say and the one that would stick around is to shy to say all the right things. I'm not saying its only guys that do this, girls can ask the same way. But in general these one time call people make college dating difficult cause you have to try and decide which guys are these guys and which guys are the real ones.

Who are we?

In college lets be honest we don't know who we are. We are learning to define ourselves. We are growing and changing into the person we are going to be for the rest of our lives. This is our first chance to be away from our families and really focus on ourselves. Not knowing who we are makes the world of finding our perfect person hard. It makes it hard because we don't understand who we are and who we are going to be. This means one day we could be the happiest person and the next day we could be the most depressed person. This makes it truly hard to get to know someone. Just like when someone says "tell me about yourself," you don't know what to say cause you don't know who you are. If we don't understand who we are how can we expect someone else to know and love who we are.

What do we want?

When we get to college our dating world changes. We aren't stuck to the people we've grown up with our whole lives. We have this whole big fish bowl to choose from. We discover we don't exactly know what we want. Our "dream guy" begins to change. We begin to question if we really want a quiet guy because we met a loud one that seemed wonderful. Trying to find a life partner when you have no idea what you want is hard. Its like trying to pick a restaurant to eat it when you have no idea what you want.

Goals.

Think about it when you come to college you have a goal. You want to complete your degree to help you reach your dream job, and chances are you already know where you want to live. When we meet someone they also have goals. These goals are very rarely the same. This makes things complicated because its hard to get serious with someone when you know they want to live somewhere else than you do. I know its just college and we shouldn't stress to much about the future but you don't want to get serious with someone and then get your heart broken because you both want VERY different things.

The act of dating.

In college the act of actually dating is hard. You have classes and homework and they have classes and homework. Its hard to find time to actually go out. Dating is about getting to know that person and feeling the two of you become one. Its hard to do that when your dates consist of dinning court dinners and homework. Chances are you also don't every truly have alone time with this person either, and were all a little different when we are alone.


College dating is one of the hardest things. The definition of dating isn't what it was in high school. Lots of things are different and you have to think about a lot of things. Dating in college is very serious because this is the time we look for our life time partner. If things aren't working out, you have to move on. Dating in college teaches us a lot about ourselves and helps us and our significant others to better ourselves.

Don't get serious with someone with the intent of leaving and make sure when you do start to get serious with someone you really mean it.

Just go for it. It doesn't matter if it turns out good or bad. Its a life experience and it taught you a lesson.

Cover Image Credit: Kendall Gatewood

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To The Girl Who's Still Crying Over the Guy She Never Dated

We've all been there, you never really dated but you might as well have...
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We’ve all been there. Every single one of us. Whether we want to admit it or not, we all have been where you are; so let me just say, you’re not alone. No matter if your friends are the best people in the world, I’m sure they’ve had enough of your sadness over a boy who you were never really with. But that’s what’s scary, it feels like you were together. No matter the amount of time, maybe a month, maybe a year, no matter what, you had enough time to gain feelings for another person and be vulnerable; and that in itself is a tough pill to swallow. Now, the one person you thought would never hurt you, did just what they promised they wouldn’t do, and now you’re left putting the pieces of your life back together.

Enough of the sappy stuff. Let me tell you that life goes on. Whether over a boy, or a grade, or whatever it is, I have always told my friends, “You’re going to make it to tomorrow.” And although it seems like the hardest feat you’ve ever endured, you are going to make it to tomorrow. And then, you’re going to make it to the next day. So it may seem that the day you end things with the boy you thought you were going to be with, is the worst day in the world, you are going to make it to tomorrow.

But even though you are going to make it to tomorrow, that doesn’t mean the situation doesn’t suck. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t cry. It doesn’t mean that you won’t be afraid or feel weird going to the bar you once loved, or the restaurant you guys would go to a lot, or the most common place to study on campus, in fear of seeing him. All of those feelings of uncertainty are totally normal, and in time, it will fade.

My friend once told me, this too shall pass.

So while you’re sad, or crying, or complaining about this boy, your friends might be telling you, “Get over it, you were never really together.” But I promise, it may take a while (seemingly forever), and as hard as it may be to believe right now, you will make it to tomorrow, and this too shall pass. Remember that.

With love from,

The girl who knows what it's like to have to get over the boy she never dated

Cover Image Credit: onehdwallpaper

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4 Signs That You Might Be A Pushover In Your Relationship

There's a fine line between being considerate and overly-accommodating in a relationship, here are some signs to help you determine which side of the line you're on.

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While most of us consider ourselves independent individuals who are secure enough to maintain our own values while respecting someone else's, the difference between being flexible and completely bending to a romantic partner's will can be a slippery slope.

Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean that everything the two of you disagree on suddenly disappears. There are times when you'll have to occasionally make concessions in order to reach a solution, but you should never be the one to relent every on every issue. If you're not sure about how you stand in your relationship here are few signs that you may be a dating pushover.

1. You let them set the pace of the relationship

It can be hard to know if things are moving at a normal speed, especially if you're new to relationships. If you feel like things are moving too quickly or like the two of you aren't on the same page and choose to ignore it because the other person is content with where you are, then you're not giving your own feelings enough consideration. A relationship is not just about one person's emotions, disregarding the ones you're unsure about to avoid making waves doesn't make you peacekeeper, it makes you a pushover.

2. Your lack of an opinion is replaced by theirs

It's okay not to have an opinion on every issue plaguing our society at the moment, but it's not okay to allow your partner to declare a stance for you. If you're having a conversation with friends and politics are being broached and your S/O prefaces their statement with "We think," -knowing darn well that you don't have anything to say about Trump's administration and they think he's the best thing since Netflix started streaming "Friends"- and you don't interject with your true feelings, then you've just let them know that their preferences are more important than yours.

3. You conform to the way they see you

People are multifaceted and complex beings. While Tinder may ask you to describe yourself by a handful of defining characteristics to better match you with a mate, you are more than just "quiet" and "indoorsy". If you find yourself with someone who reduces you to labels that complement them, chances are that the more you're around them the more you'll start to only identify yourself by those labels as well. When you conform to the 2-dimensional image that someone else has of you, you lose parts of your identity and become a social chameleon.

4. You alter your dreams to fit into theirs

It's exciting to picture your life with someone you care and are serious about. Of course, you have to make some configurations in order for things to work for the both of you, but there has to be an equal amount of compromise for it to be healthy. If you're working towards a degree that would open doors for you to meet new people and have new experiences but your S/O has dreams to get settled sooner rather than later and makes you feel like you're overreaching in your life, don't abandon your vision for something that would fit into theirs.

Being a pushover does not mean you're a weak person. I don't think anyone sets out with the intent to be a chameleon dater. Sometimes it happens gradually, two people start off in a relationship thinking that they're compatible and then one person grows more comfortable and their will and opinions turn out to be stronger than the other persons'. Other times, you just make a poor judgment call and try to make things work with someone that wasn't meant for you.

If you find yourself to be a pushover in your relationship and you're unhappy about it, you can change. Take some time to learn about yourself and figure out what you want and who you want to be. You can't choose someone who really loves you and values your mind if you don't know how you need to be loved and understood. Whether you need a to step away from the dating scene, have a conversation with your romantic partner or even take a break from them, understanding yourself will strengthen all of your relationships in the long run.

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