Recently, I stumbled upon an article with a headline that read, “He Wants You For Your Body, And You’re Letting Him.”

In the article, the author discusses the frustrations of her female friends and others, who want romantic relationships with men, that are only interested in them for sex. She claims that these women only have themselves to blame, because of the way they dress and act, especially when combined with binge-drinking.

This notion is incredibly problematic and hauntingly similar to victim-blaming rhetoric that is used to dismiss claims of sexual assault and rape. It paints men as beasts of desire, incapable of cognitive reasoning, acting solely on primitive impulses, forcing women to bear the brunt of responsibility for the actions of men.

This idea is deeply ingrained in our culture. It begins with grade-school dress codes that shame young girls for being “distracting” to their male peers. It follows them to college, where a skirt and a sweater is an invitation to be left behind a dumpster.

No one shames the boys for not paying attention to their schoolwork. A young man may get jail time for what he’s done, but, especially if he’s white and wealthy, it will be a laughably short sentence that he’ll serve half of. The woman, meanwhile, must live with what happened to her for the rest of her life.

Granted, the encounters alluded to in Schneider’s article were consensual, however, the idea that the women were entirely to blame for the poor behavior and judgment of men were nearly identical. I am not trying to suggest that Schneider herself feels that it is the victim’s fault if they are assaulted.

I only want her, and others that think along the same lines, to reflect, and ask themselves if they would feel that way if the circumstances were different, if it were more serious than a failed relationship.

Ultimately, in the encounters described in Schneider’s piece, it was the fault of miscommunication on both parties.

Neither her friend nor the man in question made it clear, what they wanted out of the relationship. In the future, we would all be better off if we were honest and open with each other about what we wanted from our relationships with others, even if that means more disappointment initially. It would save us time and heartache in the long run.