Now, I should start this off by stating that I’m not sure how many of you receive your revelations in life, but I know mine typically comes at the most random times. It’s often when rolling over in bed, or driving that I have a “aha” moment in terms of something that I’ve been trying to struggling to mentally (and even sometimes verbally) process. As for the more internal matters I often find some sense of clarity while reading or watching some profound (that’s not really profound at all) movie. Although it varies the point of it all remains the same, and the point I’m trying to make is that socially we make connections everyday that strengthen our bond to our sense of humanity, bring about a sense of clarity to what’s been troubling us the most, and just simply make us feel less alone.

Rather it’s via television or a long-talk with a friend our dots are typically connected… and sometimes we just don’t really know that it’s happening. At least I didn’t know that one of the facets I just mentioned would occur, when I decided to visit one of my closest friends. However, through organic conversation we began to discuss her upcoming accomplishments and entry into full-time adulthood, in which she remarked her thoughts regarding my more recent journey of ‘discovery’.

In her remarks, she praised me for the ‘strides’ that I’ve been recently making. Through her observations she mentioned that I’ve been taking some time to strengthen my morals and develop myself daily.

Now of course, I gave my gratitude for her warm words and more importantly her attentiveness. But… my internal wheel began to churn as I wondered about these ‘strides’ that were perhaps more obvious to others than myself. As typical to who I am, I pondered the next day about these ‘strides’ and not only what such looked like but moreso what my end goal was.

I couldn’t really wrap my mind around my purpose for this aggressive pursuit of ‘self-development’, I wasn’t sure if the specific end-goals I originally had were still holding up, or if I was trying so hard to change because I figured if I chose to ‘grow up’ then I wouldn’t be running from the same issues. I don’t think it was until I sat at my desktop deciding to comb through the back issues of the Fader rather than work, that the revelation began to unveil itself.

I guess, in Alex Frank’s “Adult Emotions” a story around an interview with the brilliant Hayley Williams, I found some solace and resolution. Williams dropped many gems when asked to share her ideas pertaining to ‘growing up’ and processing ‘adult emotions’ how she’s dealt with angst and hopeless as well as challenged herself to continue to strive.With what I’d assume was strong inner conviction presented in a casual manner she said “Man I was just taught to be nice. I’m going to be gone one day, and I have to accept that tomorrow isn’t promised. Am I OK with how I’m living today? It’s the only thing I can help. If I don’t have another one, what have I done with all my todays? Am I doing a good job? How do you wanna leave?”

Like a punch to the gut, I kid you not I felt myself trying to breathe, and it wasn’t because my anxiety was kicking in but because I was reading a two-fold challenge. The folds being first a question and then a challenge?

1. Do you know how you want to leave?
2. What the heck are you doing about it?

I mean as morbid as it sounds to even consider death in my early twenties, the violence and sense of hopelessness that our communities and society as a whole is spewing makes me think it isn’t really morbid afterall.

So as a result, I’ve been thinking less of who I want to be and moreso “how I want to leave” because reality is who I want to be is subjected to change with the different seasons of my life. However, how and really what I want to leave is eternal… at least in my mind. It’s legendary because when I’m dead and gone it’s what they’ll speak of when they mention me post my funeral.

So, as we exit out of the melancholy, I’ll share some of my more recent ‘revelations’ and discoveries. One being that I hope to leave others feeling better having encountered me, than before.

I know it sounds grand but it really isn’t! It’s simply just giving someone the best version of yourself that you can. It’s not cutting a stranger off in the line, but smiling and wishing them on their way. It’s not being impetuous with your words to cut but perhaps more strategic to clarify and savor what reality hasn’t bruised. It’s giving others and yourself the opportunity to connect, even if just for a moment… a chance to glean and realize that the version of yourself that you are when processing ‘adult emotions’ really isn’t alone.

It’s realizing that we are all racing up stairs to only have to walk down the same spiral case again, only this time wishing that we had a little bit more empathy the first go-round to walk alongside of someone rather than rushing to find the very truths that we already knew, and perhaps always have known… that kindness is the only thing that really matters because it’s a direct manifestation of love.

It’s simple.

It’s understanding yourself as you learn to understand others.

That’s how I hope to leave, full of understanding and enough genuine love to cover what my mind can’t possibly fathom. An exit with enough empathy to ignite everyone I’ve encountered to hope and love a little better than they did yesterday.

And while, these are just my thoughts regarding the purpose behind my self-development and the fuel for relentlessly climbing the stairs of evolution when everything in me is screaming to be left stagnate, I hope you find your own.

Your path and your reasons.

For more of Alex Frank’s “Adult Emotions” click the link below: http://www.thefader.com/2017/06/29/paramore-hayley...