Rule Your Kingdom Like An Egyptian Queen
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Politics and Activism

Rule Your Kingdom Like An Egyptian Queen

Take a note from Cleopatra VII's on how to be the BOSS (at least in ancient Egyptian times)

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Rule Your Kingdom Like An Egyptian Queen
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Have you recently turned eighteen years of age? Were you born out of incest between two royal siblings? Is your kingdom in desperate need of a new ruler?

Then you are in luck. You could be just like Cleopatra, who married her ten-year-old sibling and ruled the Egyptian world.

A wedding between you and your younger brother will assure that the royal line is kept clean and pure. Sure, you’re eighteen and he’s only ten. And yes, he’s your brother. But, incest is the basis for most happy, royal Egyptian weddings. You wouldn’t want to have an unhappy marriage now would you? So, marry your brother. He knows you best.

In case the whole wedding thing with your sibling doesn’t play out so well, and he suddenly decides to exile you to Syria, just raise an army and dethrone him. Cleopatra did just that and it turned out fine, well, for a little while at least.

If possible, also lure a powerful Roman ruler to your bedchambers. By forming a liaison with Julius Caesar, Cleopatra attained sufficient support to confront her brother, thus assuring her attainment of power. If you were to do the same, you’d probably also end up with an heir, whom you could name after your lover, just as Cleopatra did.

After making sure that your brother/husband has drowned in the Nile, you may then seek a new legal partner. For instance, Cleopatra married Ptolemy XIV right after her first husband’s death. And yes, Ptolemy was her much younger sibling. It’s not weird, okay? They were royals, not peasants.

Don’t worry, you may also keep your Roman ruler as a lover. Cleopatra never got rid of Julius Caesar and everyone just kind of accepted it. Well, the Romans weren’t too chipper knowing that their ruler was always away on “business trips” to Egypt, but, Caesar’s friends took care of that little problem. They assassinated him. A bunch of backstabbers they were.

In any case, if your new husband is struggling to accept your illegitimate child as the future king, treat him with a dose of the best form of persuasion there is. Poison. Ptolemy faced the same issue, but, Cleopatra solved the problem with a lethal dose of aconite and then everything was fine.

Once both your husband and lover have been murdered make sure to acquire a new cunning partner to keep you company, preferably another Roman ruler. Cleopatra found Mark Antony, who ditched his responsibilities to stay beside her. Sure, his co-ruler- Octavian- then decided to attack the Egyptian forces, but, at least Antony loved Cleo, right?

Finally, after learning that your kingdom has been defeated in battle and realizing that your new lover has been killed, proceed to end your life in glory and allow a lethal cobra to poison you to death. That ought to teach those Romans not to mess with an Egyptian queen!

Long Live Egypt, Long Live the Queen! (I hope Octavian doesn’t read this.)

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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