When I was in high school, I was extremely quiet and reserved. I kept a lot of thoughts to myself, stuck with the same group of friends I'd done everything with since elementary school, and avoided as much drama as possible. I'd like to think that part of the reason I was so introverted was because I didn't like to stand out in a crowd, but in reality, there was something else holding me back.
In 7th grade, I started to experience severe abdominal pain nearly 24/7. It became so debilitating and frequent that I would miss consecutive days of school at a time and spent most of my time after school in doctor's appointments. It wasn't until I was 15, however, that I finally got the diagnosis for what was causing all of my symptoms. A laparoscopic surgery confirmed the suspicion that I had Endometriosis, a chronic pain condition caused by the tissue that typically lines my uterus growing to other areas of my body, including my bowel, liver, and ovaries.
When I was first diagnosed with Endometriosis, I was embarrassed to tell anyone about my condition because I didn't want people to think there was actually something wrong with me. When I would miss school because the pain was too unbearable to even get out of bed or I had to have another surgery to remove the tissue that kept growing back, I would just make up excuses and tell my friends I was sick with the flu or had a family emergency. I knew the moment I graduated and left for college that everything would change and that I'd have to own up to my illness.
The summer leading up to my freshman year of college, someone very important to me encouraged me to "come out" about my illness. She told me how freeing it could actually be and that I would be amazed at the amount of support I'd receive from my friends and family. After being ashamed of the condition tied to me for so many years, I didn't know if I could do it— but what I did know was that college had to be a fresh start for me, and opening up about my illness was the first thing I'd have to do before moving away.
I was so incredibly surprised by all the love and messages of support I'd received in the days following my first public post about my Endometriosis. Knowing I had such a huge support system back home encouraged me, even more, to push myself towards going away to school. Of course, I knew it'd be difficult, especially the fact that I wouldn't have my mom to take care of me when I was having a bad pain day. The first few weeks at Penn State took a lot of re-adjustments and learning my limits with my illness. For the first time in my life, I had to refill my own prescriptions, go to doctor's appointments all by myself, and somehow find the courage to tell all of my new friends the reason why I sometimes had to skip going out on a Friday night or why I couldn't eat certain foods. What started out as a challenge that seemed nearly impossible became easier and easier, and I soon found myself loving every aspect of college, despite the chronic pain still always being a factor.
Months before graduating high school, I wasn't even sure if I could actually make it all the way to Penn State and live on my own with an illness that tested every ounce of strength I had. When I got to school, there were nights where I would lie in bed, crying and hugging my pillow and wishing I could be in my own bed at home and that the pain would just end. And now, I'm already a junior in college, and I think I've proven to myself that not even a chronic illness can stop me from pursuing my dreams.
This disease has taught me a lot about perseverance and persistence. I'm constantly being knocked down by the pain, and so many times it's like my body is telling me I can't push on, but I will never let it stop me from pursuing my dreams and trying my best to live a normal life. If anything, I'm actually grateful for the illness residing in me. It's given me the strength to overcome things most people my age don't experience until they're much further off in life, it's taught me to be resilient and to never stop taking chances, and most importantly, it helped me find who I really was, and how to learn to love myself. Flaws, surgery scars, and all.