Next month, I turn nineteen-years-old.

Excuse me...what?

It feels like just yesterday that I was writing my letter for Santa, preparing my Christmas list, watching Christmas movies non-stop, and having Christmas parties at school during this time of the year.

Now, I'm finishing up my first semester of college, studying for finals, and attempting to scrap together enough money for half decent Christmas presents.

Needless to say, I would go back to a Christmas of my childhood in a heartbeat. In fact, I wish there are things I could go back and tell my smaller self that I am painfully reminded of with each passing Christmas season. These are a few of them:

3. Enjoy the "fun" Christmas lists while you can.

I've learned that I'm growing older solely through what I ask for for Christmas. When you're younger, you ask for thousands of useless toys you'll grow out of in a few years, and your Christmas list is a mile long. Once you reach the age of around fifteen or sixteen, you find yourself asking for all of things you DID NOT want as a kid. This can include things such as socks, clothes, and maybe even a toothbrush and bag of makeup wipes. The list evolves into stuff you NEED, instead of WANT. Coming to this conclusion can be extremely depressing, so I try to avoid thinking about it as much as possible.

2. Believe in Santa Claus for as long as you possibly can.

We all knew that one kid in our second grade class that tried to convince everyone that Santa was not real. Personally, I always hated this kid. Okay, maybe hate is a strong word, but nonetheless--why ruin the fun for everyone else? Just because you found out he wasn't real does not mean you have to terrorize the rest of us with your horrible lies. I believed in Santa until I was eleven-years-old, and my heart was completely shattered when my parents told me he wasn't real and that annoying kid in my second grade class was right after all. I've now lived through almost seven Christmases without believing in Santa, and while I try to keep that spirit alive as much as I can, nothing will ever compare to the Christmases when Santa was real. This is the reason I cry at the end of "Elf" when Santa flies over New York City with Buddy--because I know I'll never be able to witness something that magical in person. (I'm sorry this got so dark, and also if you still believed in Santa and you're reading this...I'm sorry for that too.)

1. Cherish time with family.

From my own experience, it has been a rough year family-wise. I've experienced a lot of family drama over my eighteen years of life, but this is the most intense I've ever been directly involved in. Of course, I'm not going to get into the details, but I'll keep it to the point. Traditionally, my parents and I (I'm an only child) always travel over to my cousins' house for Christmas. It's been this way for as long as I can remember, with the exception of a few years in which someone was sick. Due to the drama this year, we will no longer be having Christmas over their house. While I'm excited that our options are now open and we can do something different, I'm also feeling reflective, nostalgic, and even a little sad. I'm reflecting on my Christmases of the past, the ones I view in home movies. I wore a red dress, white tights, and my hair was pulled into two big, blonde pig tails on each side of my head. I looked ridiculous, but when you're little you can get away with looks like that. Me and my cousins played with our new toys we received from Santa, my grandma forced us to get pictures together, and there was no tension between us. Everything was simple. Now, everything is drastically different. Even a year ago, if you told me I would be writing this paragraph right now about my current situation, I wouldn't have believed you.

I guess my point is...please, please, please, cherish your childhood Christmases.

And if your childhood Christmases weren't good, and your Christmases still aren't good, I'm so sorry.

Maybe we can spend Christmas together this year, I'm still looking for plans!