The holidays should be filled with joy and happiness. But sometimes they are much different, depending on who you are and what has happened in your life. No one told me that the last Christmas with you would be the last Christmas with you. Did I call you that last Christmas you were alive? Did I even see you?

Now I sit in front of friends and family wondering what would this be like if you were still here. Do people know how I feel about you being gone? Do they even think about the fact that you are gone? I suppose they wouldn’t because it was my loss more than theirs.

Christmas day has arrived, I don’t come downstairs to see your smiling face as I am about to open presents. Instead, I see the smiling faces of everyone else. The presents don’t even matter anymore, I would trade every present to have you back in our lives. I am grateful for who I see standing in front of me, but there is always one person missing.

I know you are looking down on us, smiling and wishing us the merriest of Christmas’s. It sucks but we can’t skip Christmas just because you are gone. We celebrate even when we are sad.

Words cannot describe how we feel without you here. We will continue to share stories and remember you for the person that you were. We will imagine your smiling face as we celebrate Christmas.

The holiday’s are not the same without you and we wish we could change that. But God has a plan and his plan was to take you too soon. I am thankful for what I have this holiday season, I am thankful for the support that my family and friends give me when I am troubled. I am thankful for the memories that we shared together and will cherish them forever.