We all have told someone at some point ‘I’ll always be there for you’, but is there really intention and truth behind it? So often I feel as if this common statement has become overused and has transformed into a comforting lie. It’s only in rare cases that the people who say this actually mean it and stick to it, but most of the time, though they say it, they often don’t act on it
I have fallen accustom to believing this when someone says it to me… and each time it adds to the hurt when the disappointment prevails when their promise ‘to always be there’ ends up holding no truth. I know I’m not the only one who struggles with trusting this statement and I know I’m not the only one who keeps believing it may be different each time, that maybe when someone says they’ll be there they might actually REALLY be there. I hang onto this hope because that’s the type of person I am, the girl who means what they say. So when I tell someone I’ll be there, I’m going to be there for them… even if it means I end up letting them take advantage of me…
This has become a reoccurring pattern in my life. I form friendships with people thinking it's going well…they ask for things such as favors or to borrow stuff, they come to me when they need advice or honestly anything and I try my very best to be there for them. But then they begin to fade away once they get what they want… leaving me in the dust amongst my confusion and their words that still linger in my mind, ‘I’ll always be there for you’... Were those conversations simply a waste of my breath? Did you ever care? If I couldn’t provide for you would you have shown interest in a friendship? Did you mean it when you said those words? This phrase holds so much power and tells others that you care, but what happens when someone says it… but doesn’t act on it or show it, did they really ever mean it?
Do you ever feel like an inconvenience towards the ones you’re always there for? As if you feel like a bug that they want to just get rid of? Sometimes it’s hard not to believe the lies, that I’m not worthy of anyone’s attention, but I can’t help but believe them at times especially when someone seems to only come to you when they want something or seem to be getting something out of it through the use of you... But you continue being there for them because deep down you care and love for that person despite how much hurt it causes you. Despite the swirling questions of self-doubt and worth going through your mind.
It’s as if this sentence, ‘I’ll always be there’, holds some sort of magic power to pull people in. As if it automatically just opens the floodgates of trust and acceptance… yet behind it all, it can lead to the destruction of trust and the thought of worthlessness if not used in the right context or with purpose.
Each of us craves to be accepted, to know were worth some value to someone and this is why this phrase pulls us in because it reveals to us that that person cares about you and values you, and when that acceptance and trust is established between the two of you, you expect it to work both ways…some often it doesn’t though. I can’t say ‘no’ to them, to their wants and needs, to the favors they ask to be done; because I made that commitment to be there for them.
Yet I have come to learn over the years it just leads to being taken advantage of and people manipulate you. I give and give and give until I hit my breaking point. Hitting the floor in complete sorrow and frustration, feeling like no one cares about me. It might sound selfish to say, but just like these people asking, sometimes just sometimes I want someone to reach out to me. Show me that they really do care. That I’m not just an afterthought, that I’m more than a personal provider of people’s needs.
Why is it when I feel like I'm sinking and try to reach out to those who say they'll be there yet somehow they push what I'm saying to the wayside and once again redirect the conversation on themselves and their wants and their needs that I can help 'fulfill'. And once again, me being me, I fall into their clutches... Trying to please them and be there for them.
It’s funny how you can be surrounded by hundreds of people yet so rarely do they take a moment to reach out to you, leaving you wondering 'what’s wrong with me!?'. 'Am I not desirable as a friend or even a person?', 'Is my only purpose to be there for others while I'm wasting away?', 'can anyone see me or hear me?
Is it so wrong to hold onto the desire and hope of someone staying true to their words? Is it so wrong to hope that those people will take the time to check in on you and really be there for you? Well, it’s not. It’s not wrong at all, we are all humans, all with the same NEED of support and love from others. So next time you’re thinking of saying those short few words, remember how much of an impact they can have on someone. Remember that once something is said it’s hard to take it back, that it’s how you act on those words that make the difference.
"Words are containers for power, you choose what kind of power they carry" - Joyce Meyer
"Be mindful when it comes to your words. A string of some that don't mean much to you may stick with someone for a lifetime" - Rachel Wolchin