There is a very typical script that is followed by the boys who eat, live, and breathe to stand in dirty basements with a solo cup in their hand in an attempt to attract girls who they believe are incapable of having better judgement. They seem to think that they have the system completely figured out and that it's completely fool-proof. Well, I'm here to let all of you "quality" gentlemen know that you couldn't be more wrong. There is no set formula or equation to get a girl's attention, at least, there's not one that works universally for the entire female gender. What may make one girl fall hopelessly in love with you can make another so nauseous and repulsed that she's forced to vacate the premises. So, being the generous person that I am, I'm here to help you with some likes and dislikes of the college female population. You're welcome.

1. No, she doesn't want to see your room.

2. She also doesn't want to see your bathroom or any other miscellaneous room in your filthy downtown apartment.

3. The terrible pick up lines may make her laugh, but don't believe for a second that that's enough to make her spend the night.

4. Think twice before trying to grind with her like you're at a middle school dance. That sh*t is not cute.

5. Save the tonsil hockey for another time. The whole party doesn't need to watch your attempt at finding her soul with your tongue.

6. Put the cigarettes away, it's hard to converse when you can hardly breathe.

7. Stop trying to act as if talking to you is a prize and privilege. If you can get "any girl," feel free to consider yourself dismissed from her presence to do so.

For any of you who are incredibly committed to your lifestyle, you can totally continue this incredibly poor behavior. However, if you choose to do so, all that I have to say is: