Changing Your Name Won't Help

Changing Your Name Won't Help

Change yourself instead.

College is a huge identity crisis to begin with. You start to realize things that never crossed your mind before. You start to become your own person. You're able to stand back and see those people from your past who have never fit in right. You go through a lot of self discovery. You might even start to become uncomfortable in your own shoes, or in this case, your own name.

For the past two years, I've been playing around with the idea of changing my last name. I didn't know where to begin, so after a self-discovery and a quick Google search, I changed all of my social media to a different last name, got a new email address, and made sure that my friends and family all used this different name. I thought this was the first step: the first step to a new life away from the name that, in my mind, has been holding me back my entire life. This would be how I ran away from him once and for all. I was wrong.

Until the legal part came around, I felt free. I felt like I was finally starting over with the name that I should have been given at birth. I used to blame everyone else for giving me that wrong last name that belonged to a group of people who didn't care too much about my existence. I grew up and realized that this was never anyone's intention and no one is a future teller.

Changing your last name is not only expensive, but it's confusing to everyone. Especially if this change is happening when you're already an adult, already go to college, and have already made a new name for yourself. A new name that doesn't care about what your last one is.

After realizing the cost of the process, feeling the confusion on everyone's faces, and mixing my own last name up on some important documents; something clicked in my mind. This wasn't the answer. Changing my last name wasn't going to help run away. I began to think to myself: What was I even running from?

I was starting to feel like this turned into a game, an unspoken game between myself and him. This game was starting to control my life, much more than he ever had. I started feeling like if I would change my name that he would win. It would be a forfeit on my side that I couldn't handle the stress he's put on me, and I was giving in. I couldn't have that. I wasn't going to lose, especially to him.

I now have turned this sick game into motivation for me to be who I really am. This is my motivation to not be like him. This is my motivation to be a good person, to wake up every morning with a smile on my face and know that I am different. I know that my last name doesn't define who I am. I know that as long as I've made a stronger, better, newer name for myself then the legal one won't hold me back.

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30 Things I'd Rather Be Than 'Pretty'

Because "pretty" is so overrated.

Nowadays, we put so much emphasis on our looks. We focus so much on the outside that we forget to really focus on what matters. I was inspired by a list that I found online of "Things I Would Rather Be Called Instead Of Pretty," so I made my own version. Here is a list of things that I would rather be than "pretty."

1. Captivating

I want one glance at me to completely steal your breath away.

2. Magnetic

I want people to feel drawn to me. I want something to be different about me that people recognize at first glance.

3. Raw

I want to be real. Vulnerable. Completely, genuinely myself.

4. Intoxicating

..and I want you addicted.

5. Humble

I want to recognize my abilities, but not be boastful or proud.

6. Exemplary

I want to stand out.

7. Loyal

I want to pride myself on sticking out the storm.

8. Fascinating

I want you to be hanging on every word I say.

9. Empathetic

I want to be able to feel your pain, so that I can help you heal.

10. Vivacious

I want to be the life of the party.

11. Reckless

I want to be crazy. Thrilling. Unpredictable. I want to keep you guessing, keep your heart pounding, and your blood rushing.

12. Philanthropic

I want to give.

13. Philosophical

I want to ask the tough questions that get you thinking about the purpose of our beating hearts.

14. Loving

When my name is spoken, I want my tenderness to come to mind.

15. Quaintrelle

I want my passion to ooze out of me.

16. Belesprit

I want to be quick. Witty. Always on my toes.

17. Conscientious

I want to always be thinking of others.

18. Passionate

...and I want people to know what my passions are.

19. Alluring

I want to be a woman who draws people in.

20. Kind

Simply put, I want to be pleasant and kind.

21. Selcouth

Even if you've known me your whole life, I want strange, yet marvelous. Rare and wondrous.

22. Pierian

From the way I move to the way I speak, I want to be poetic.

23. Esoteric

Do not mistake this. I do not want to be misunderstood. But rather I'd like to keep my circle small and close. I don't want to be an average, everyday person.

24. Authentic

I don't want anyone to ever question whether I am being genuine or telling the truth.

25. Novaturient

..about my own life. I never want to settle for good enough. Instead I always want to seek to make a positive change.

26. Observant

I want to take all of life in.

27. Peart

I want to be honestly in good spirits at all times.

28. Romantic

Sure, I want to be a little old school in this sense.

29. Elysian

I want to give you the same feeling that you get in paradise.

30. Curious

And I never want to stop searching for answers.
Cover Image Credit: Favim

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To My Nephew

Aunt life is the best life.


When I think of pure joy, the first face that comes to my mind is the face of my nephew. I have never seen a human being have as much joy as my sweet sweet nephew. This baby can make anyone's day better, his joy is so contagious. I have never adored another human being so much in my life. From the moment I was told he was on the way until now, he has changed my life. He has had his entire family wrapped around his finger, since the day he was born.

Being an aunt, is not something you grow up thinking about. As girls grow up they have being a mom on their minds. That is what they think about the most. I did not think about being an aunt until my brothers got married. Once they were married, I started to think of the precious bundles of joy they would one day bring into the world. I could not wait for that day. When the day finally came, it was a feeling like no other. I wish I could describe the love and joy that entered my heart seeing my nephew for the first time. I have never experienced that before. I know one day it will be multiplied for my babies, but right now it is all focused on my nephew. I also felt an immense happiness and proudness of my brother and sister-in-law. They did so well and brought a true miracle into this world.

One day my nephew might stumble upon this article, and I want him to know a few things. To my precious nephew, first of all you are so loved. There is no one in your family who does not love you more than words could ever say. We all would do anything for you. You are the sweetest, most joyous, and cutest baby there ever was. (Okay I might be bias; but I'm an aunt I'm allowed.) You are a gift from God and one of his masterpieces, I pray you never believe you are not. The world is a better place because you are in it, you have changed so many lives. You have made all of our lives better and happier. You truly have great parents who clearly love you with all of their hearts. You are everything and more to them. They are lucky to have you, but always remember you are also lucky to have them.

Lastly, your aunt loves you more than she could ever describe. You can always come to me any time and I will spoil you, love on you, and I will always be here for you. You my sweet nephew have changed my world for the better. I love you so much.

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