A few days ago, while babysitting, I sat at the playground I visited so many times as a kid. Down the hill sits a soccer field I used to have soccer games on. Every day, I pass my elementary, middle and high schools and all I can seem to think about is the time thats passed. All the familiar sights and smells of different parts of my life.
All those years ago, while life was still so simple and my biggest problem was that mom wasn't letting me have ice cream before dinner, I never thought I would miss it. Miss being little. Miss not knowing things I know now.
As I am about to embark on possibly the biggest change of my life, all I have been thinking lately is how much I am going to miss the little moments. Going out with high school friends will soon become a challenge, having to call my parents instead of seeing them every day, even not sleeping with my cat every night gets me in my feels.
Don't get me wrong -- I can't wait to get to school and "find myself" as an adult. I have so many years ahead of me, so many milestones left to hit. But I'm starting to get annoyed with all these people telling me "change is necessary and good."
I'm sorry, but change does NOT feel good when your going through it.
In fact, it feels the opposite. It's hard, scary and unsettling to know your whole world is changing, what once was your daily routine will no longer be. At 18 years old, here I am feeling like I want to be a kid again more than ever. It's the hardest thing to accept -- to think you won't get a moment back.
I'm sure if you talk to me in a month, I'll be in love with this new life and have gotten down a routine. But as for right now, all I feel like doing is reminiscing about the times I won't get back. I am so thankful for all of the memories-the good and the terrible -- because I realize if these didn't happen, I wouldn't in the place I am in life right now.
So for those of you who are feeling pretty close to how I am feeling, remember this: be thankful for the times you have had in the past. It's OK to be scared for the future. But 20 years from now, when we are going through yet another change, we will reminisce on these upcoming years. So make sure you just aren't too scared to live your life how you want to.
