If I'm lucky enough, my half birthday falls on Thanksgiving, and l can act like all the amazing food was made just for the occasion (lol, not really, but it is an upside).
I always enjoy using my half birthday as a reflection of my year thus far and to set goals for the other half that is to come. Every birthday that I can remember, I have made goals for myself for the year to come. Some realistic, others not.
However, in the past few years, another year would pass and goals would remain unmet. Instead of being happy to have lived another year, I would feel bad for not accomplishing the things that younger me had wanted.
This year, I've come to realize how unrealistic my goals in the past were. So when my birthday came around, I had one simple goal for my 20th year: Make a new best memory.
You see, I have one memory ––one day–– that comes to mind when people ask me about the best day I've ever had. It occurred in 2015... over two years ago at this point. And while I still love it for what it was, I want a new "favorite day." I figured that that was a simple, realistic goal for my 20th year.
Well, I was wrong. I'm 6 months in and I haven't made a new best memory. Even more, I think that it was a stupid goal to have. I retract it completely. Why? Because when trying to think of a best memory, I looked back at all the great times that I've had so far and downgraded them because they weren't as good as the 2015 one.
So getting my first real job and earning good grades because I studied my butt off? All those late Cookout runs with friends and staying up way too late bonding with housemates? Getting close to people I never thought I would? Not good enough. Not worthy of being the best. But you know what, all of those memories were, and always will be, epic. My search for the best made me downgrade so many of my great memories and feats that I've had these past six months.
It makes me sad to think of all the amazing things that I've experienced and thought to myself, "This is just okay. It's not better than this other memory." Like how stupid was I? Every memory is unique. Whether something as small as having housemates bring you ice cream after a bad day or as big as going 110mph down a little back road, every memory is mine. Every memory is a piece of me.
The six-month countdown to 21 is on, and with my old goal out the window, I simply want to live and enjoy every moment. Big, small, good, bad, they are all making up the person I am and the person I am becoming.
Sure, maybe one of those memories will stand out as being the best one day, but I'm sure even if it does, I won't be thinking that as it happens. I need to live in the moment and not get caught up in comparing it to other things that have happened. I need to live as though every moment has the potential of being the best, and even if it's not, that's okay.
Cheers to 20.5 years. I can't wait to see what the next 6 months bring.