It seems like I have always journalled, wrote letters, and silly poems. However, it turned into something completely different in the spring of 2018.
I was at the doctor's office. Sitting in a leather chair across from my doctor with his large messing desk between us. I heard his words, my diagnosis, my prognosis, and felt...nothing.
My children were optimistic. My mother was determined to make me well. My brother was unreadable.
Me? I felt nothing. Numb. I didn't not care other than in the logical sense of making plans for my youngest.
I stayed with my mother for a few months.
My mother nurtured me and avoided all talk about anything negative. We certainly did not confront my decision not to have surgery. Mom pumped me full of vitamins, minerals, honey, organic whole foods, concoctions made up of turmeric, seeds, teas, and other unknown things.
I was grateful and love my mom, my family, my friends but a part of me was still numb.
It wasn't until a follow up appointment where my doctor told me he was disappointed with my latest bloodwork. The the treatment was not working and I had to consider the surgery sooner rather than later.
I left his office as numb as ever. I ignored all calls and texts the rest of the day. I went straight home and was in my jamas by three in the afternoon. I did the only thing I could do, I just started writing.
Before I knew it the sun was going down.
I realized I had been writing for hours and no longer numb. I felt sad, angry, but most of all for the first time in my life I felt lonely.
I went to bed and cried, what seemed to be endless tears. I couldn't make the tears stop.
And they did not stop, not for days. I literally woke up crying, cried through out the day, and fell asleep crying. I think the gravity of it all hit me at once. The past three years hit me at once. I felt an enormous weight just pressing on my chest knowing so much is not yet done. However, I felt as if I was being released from a prison of my own doing. The endless crying was a emotional and physical cleansing.
I began to organize my journal entries by names, roads, streets, etc.
I focused. My work focused on a meaningful and impactful project, my son was on a faster track to getting settled, the poisonous malignant tumor con man and court was over, and I was writing twice daily.
My world changed and with it I changed. The person I was or thought I was changed too. This was the first time in my life I started to feel free.
That old saying sums up exactly how I feel - "Freedom is another word for nothing left to lose."
I realized- not only do I have nothing to lose but everything I was fearful of losing was a facade and/or not worth holding on to.
The operative word here is fearful. I promised myself then that I would be truly fearless.
Just putting that promise to myself in practice brought me back to life again.
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"I haven't been able to get out of the 'talking phase' with anyone."
The reality is, there's no part of life the pandemic hasn't affected. Whether it's your work life, your home life, your social life, or your love life, coronavirus (COVID-19) is wreaking havoc on just about everything — not to mention people's health.
When it comes to romance, in particular, people are all handling things differently and there's no "right way" of making it through, regardless of your relationship status (single, taken, married, divorced, you name it). So, some of Swoon's creators sought out to hear from various individuals on how exactly their love lives have been affected since quarantine began.
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Bombshell news coming from Bachelor Nation today, Tayshia Adams is replacing Clare Crawley as the bachelorette!
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Their skills and looks make them a solid A+.
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In the midst of all of the amazing statistics and records that these players are breaking, though, we also just love the NBA because well, there are some pretty good looking guys out there. Here are the 19 hottest NBA players (in no particular order) you would totally let slam dunk on you now that the NBA has returned.
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It replaces nearly three steps in my hair routine.
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- I started using the Raincry's Condition Boar Bristle Brush several months ago, and while I noticed that my hair had been softer, silkier, and shinier than it had ever been, I didn't make the connection because I never thought a simple hairbrush could make any difference in my hair texture.
- I will be the first to admit that I thought it was ridiculous to spend nearly a hundred dollars on a hairbrush, but this one eliminates the need for me to use any heat tools or styling products on it.
- I put some oil or a serum in my hair when it's wet, brush my hair with the boar bristle brush once it's dry, and end up with the lowest maintenance, shiniest hair I've had since I was 8 years old.
These movies are always there for us when we need them.
Bingeing a romantic comedy is always a good idea, and during this pandemic, these movies bring us one of the only elements of romance we can get. Through all the break-ups, obstacles, and struggles in our love lives, romantic comedies have always been there to make us laugh and keep us company while we cry.
While we love these movies for the beyond gorgeous male love interests, the female protagonists are still the ones we always remember. Although rom-coms are far from reality, it is always fun to imagine what our life would be like if a cinematic studio was behind our love life. So what does your favorite romantic comedies say about your dream guy?
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Whether you're in an unhealthy relationship currently, you know someone who is, or you just want to have these numbers saved just in case it could one day save someone's life (if not your own), this article is for you. Here are three numbers to save in your contacts ASAP so you can always be safe, both physically and mentally, in every relationship.
I am impatiently waiting for a US drop date.
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Get ready to be flexible.
If you're anything like me, you're probably anxious about going back to college. The uncertainty of nearly everything is stressful and makes it difficult to prepare for going back to campus. Take it one step at a time and remain calm! If nothing else, take a look at this list of six essentials for living on campus during the COVID-19 pandemic! You got this!
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