Just like almost everyone else, the 2016 presidential election has often left me feeling extremely disappointed and even disgusted.

As an 18-year-old, this will be my first election, something I have been counting down to for years, and I couldn’t be more disenchanted with the whole thing.

In 2008, my sister and I played will.i.am’s “Yes We Can” song constantly, recording videos of us dancing and singing to it. My mom bought an original Shepard Fairey print of Obama the moment it became available. I remember feeling jealous of Malia and Sasha Obama as I read about the hidden passageways in the White House and how they were preparing to make a new life there. My friends still remember me giddily jumping around as we watched Obama’s first inauguration in my fifth grade class.

I feel nowhere near that level of excitement this time around. I’m not even sure Donald Trump supporters feel that level of excitement.

I was practically destined to be a Democrat. The first five years of my life were spent on a diverse college campus. My step-grandfather and my uncle are black. My first best friend was Mormon. My uncle and grandfather are gay. I learned acceptance early on, and never thought that there was anything different about my family.

That is, until I moved to a small red town in a blue state.

All throughout elementary and middle school, my mom insisted that I keep the fact that I had a few gay family members a secret. Eventually, I found a group of peers who had similar views as me, but there was still an abundance of Confederate flag merch that would decorate my peers and their cars.

But even the liberals at my school were—respectfully—divided. Some talked of voting for Bernie, others Hillary, and still others Green Party candidate Jill Stein.

I still don’t know where I stand in all of this, and part of me doesn’t care to find out. I have taken numerous quizzes and have found my views to line up quite closely with all three of the above candidates, but I still don’t feel like I can get behind any of them. I voted for Bernie in the primaries, but he didn’t win my state and although he’s trying, it’s unlikely he’ll go much further as he prepares to endorse Hillary.

The results of this election are likely to be catastrophic no matter how America decides to vote. Apathy is one of our biggest problems in this election, and it seems like even the candidates themselves don’t care about the results or their policies. Trump’s goal is to win the election, but no one said anything about being president.

If America is anything like my little hometown clad in Trump lawn signs, then the next four years are likely to see even more partisan issues than we’ve already been plagued with in this land of extremes.

For me at this point, it’s really just about keeping a misogynistic, racist, homophobic man out of office while somehow adhering to my values.