Now, before any hardcore fans attack me, hear me out. Full House was my favorite show as a kid. I was born during the seventh season, so my appreciation for it came nearly a decade after its end when 9-year-old me got a TV in my room and stayed up late to watch it on Nick @ Nite. Now at the ripe age of 22, the show has become background noise whenever I’m doing homework. “The X-Files” takes too much of my attention, “Parks and Recreation” is distractingly genius, and I’ve seen enough “House Hunters” to become a real estate agent. Over 13 years, I’ve probably wasted nearly 100,000 hours watching “Full House.” I know so much about the Tanner family I might as well become one. So, you can imagine the 9-year-old me was excited to see where the Tanners are now...and truthfully, I was disappointed.

For some reason we can’t seem to let go of our childhood television relics. After FOX brought back “The X-Files” for a short time, and the countless reunions of casts such as “Friends,” “Lizzie McGuire,” and now Disney Channel is (finally) giving us “High School Musical 4”...it’s apparent this nostalgic period has only taken off.

The original “Full House” packed more cheese in a half hour than any Domino’s pizza I’ve ordered in my lifetime--how is it possible that “Fuller House” got cheesier? The meta humor was acceptable for maybe the cringe-y first episode, but I don’t think a 34-year-old Stephanie would recoin her phrase “how rude!” when she barely said past age 10. Just when I thought it would end there, the first episode threw an unbelievable amount of shade toward the Olsen twins who confirmed they were not interested in participating (good call, girls). Danny explained to DJ that Michelle “sends her love” but was too busy running a fashion empire (I WONDER WHO ELSE DOES THAT?), and then the whole family proceeded to break the fourth wall for an uncomfortable amount of time.

The characters have hardly changed: Danny and Aunt Becky are still on TV, and have moved to Los Angeles to star in the conveniently named “Wake Up, USA!”? Uncle Jesse is the musical supervisor for “General Hospital”...an obvious nod to John Stamos’s tenure on the show pre-“Full House?” Nicky and Alex grew up to be douche-y Californians who can’t seem to graduate college? Kimmy found success with her business yet maintained her loud wardrobe and smelly feet, but added the stereotypical Latin lover coupled with a perpetually annoyed 13-year-old daughter? Stephanie is randomly a world-famous DJ, appropriately named “DJ Tanner?” Joey is still making woodchuck puns? DJ and Steve are still friends?

It’s maintained the same kitschiness that surprisingly kept the original on for eight years, but it’s almost become a parody of itself. Badly written jokes, awkward insertions of swearing and references to sex/partying/drinking, a gender-bent main cast, and a “Bachelorette”-style finale comprised what could have been a chance to improve the show we loved on ABC’s “TGIF” lineup...but, hey, at least they sprinkled some Donald Trump jokes on top of this large, extra cheese pie of a show; they were spicy and I got a chuckle out of them.

Yet, in episode 11, the writers ruined everything by including an appropriated “Indian theme” party. “Full House” was never a diverse show, and I’m sure the writers weren’t intending on offending anyone. But, if they think “Where’d you get that, Turban Outfitters?” and white people doing Bollywood-style is hilarious and not blatantly racist, they’re not very good writers. At least the original had two black friends for Michelle.

“Fuller House” has now been confirmed for a second season. I’ll probably still watch it, but I believe they need to take this opportunity to turn this meta mess into less of a self-deprecating parody and into its own show with its own nuances. Could it be a better show? Yes. Do I still love this hot mess? You got it, dude.