Although I’ve only had two “Facebook-official” relationships in my lifetime, I’ve been involved in various less serious relationships, and additionally, I’ve played the field and I know the game well. Through it all, I’ve maintained friendships with many of the guys I’ve been involved with. But, each friendship has its own degree and many are still undercut by romantic feelings — or even just the chemistry that hasn’t quite died down yet.
From my experience, a good relationship is founded on a deep friendship between both parties. Sometimes this friendship comes before the romance and sometimes it comes after. Regardless, there are always feelings of mutual respect, equality and deep, binding affection. While a friendship can take time to develop, some degree of chemistry is almost always instantaneous. And most of the time, it’s either there or it isn’t.
How do we get past something so natural as the chemistry between two individuals to become something so neutral as friendship? Sometimes we don’t…we can’t. In the end, most times, only time will tell whether or not feelings will fade or grow.
With those we have been in love with, we fall in love with who they are and will therefore, always care about them in some respect -- whether or not we love them as friends, family or something more. In this instance, it's better to give each other space at first and let the feelings die down before attempting to pursue a friendship. Once you allow yourself the much needed space to establish yourself as your own person once again, there will be less of a chance that jealousy and past feelings will get in the way of being involved in a true, uncomplicated friendship.
The easiest way to ensure you and your ex are just friends is when you know in your heart that you shouldn't be with them because that is what is in your best interest. This realization is somewhat freeing and it negates any romantic feelings you had.
I found myself to be lucky when my boyfriend of three years and I called it quits this past winter. He and I both knew that what we were doing wasn't right for either of us anymore, and this made it easy for both of us to move on and become just friends. He and I still maintain a friendship where we check in on each other and wish the best for each other in our endeavors. I believe this type of relationship is possible because our friendship is undercut by the familial love we developed during our relationship. We want the best for one another because we care about each other. This may not always be the case for everyone who has had a long-term relationship, but luckily he and I ended on a note that was conducive of a successful friendship.
