I Finally Came To Terms With My Abusive Relationship And I Know That I Deserve To Be Treated Better

I Finally Came To Terms With My Abusive Relationship And I Know That I Deserve To Be Treated Better

It took a lot of time and countless nights of nightmares, but I finally feel good enough to come out about it.


A long time ago, I met a guy who on paper would seem like a real dreamboat. He knew everything to say to make me run back to him whenever he needed me and I spent a good portion of my life trying to make him happy because I always seemed to do so. This relationship went sour very fast and the fact that I said, "He knew everything to say to make me run back to him..." should be a real red flag to anyone that this guy was not okay.

There were nights where he would get carried away and I would wake up with bruises near my neck that I would pass off as hickeys so no one would ask me questions. I remember the nights he tried to make me feel bad for him, emotionally manipulating me into feeling like he did nothing wrong and what was happening to me was more my fault than his. Looking back, I can easily see how abusive it was, but when you're in the situation, it's hard to admit to yourself what's going on. You have hope in you that the person you first started dating is still there, so you cling onto the good times and make excuses for the bad. It's sick and it's sad, but until you go through it (and I certainly do not wish that upon anyone) you'll never understand the mental battle it really is.

I grew up with a cousin who was trapped in several abusive marriages and most of my childhood was spent trying to get her out of each marriage and hiding her and her son from her husbands in my house. I always knew that if you allow your significant other to treat you less than you deserve, it spirals out of control and unfortunately, I fell into the same trap, I just never knew how to admit it to myself.

The hardest thing I had to do was admit it to my closest friends and to my parents. I remember telling my parents which was the hardest thing I had to do. I knew I did nothing wrong and that it was all his fault, but telling the two people who love you unconditionally and raised you to realize your worth is one of the hardest hurdles I had to overcome. When I began to speak out about it, I remember my parents and my friends being there for me, reminding me that I am worth more and that it's not my fault, because, unfortunately, it's so easy to believe that you did something wrong enough to deserve it. Remember this, you didn't do anything wrong. It's a problem deep within him and believing it's in any way something wrong with you gives him the power over you that he doesn't deserve.

I hope anyone reading this who may have been in an abusive relationship knows that it's not you, you did absolutely nothing wrong. We may not know each other personally, but I believe in you and I know you are amazing just the way you are. If he couldn't treat you like the goddess you are, then save yourself for the one who comes along and will. That person is out there, but for now, work on yourself and seek a solid, small group of people (along with a professional because I know my therapist has helped me through more than I can describe) and give yourself time to heal. You can do this, I believe in you.

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I'm Still Friends With My High School Besties As A Senior In College, And I'm So Thankful For That

New friends are silver but the old ones are gold.


As you near the end of high school, it seems like everyone is telling you, "enjoy spending time with your friends now, because once you start college you'll drift apart." At the time, no one wants to believe it, but I will say there definitely is some truth in that. There were 800 people in my high school graduating class, but there's only a handful of those people who I've actually hung out with since our graduation parties. However, it's certainly not true about all friends. I'm now a senior in college, and I'm still friends with my high school best friends.

While things have definitely been different since we've been in college, our friendship hasn't changed. In high school we bonded over the French classes that we took together and our love for dance. Although we don't see each other every day in class anymore or after school at dance practice, that's only made me more appreciative of the time that we do get to spend all together. I always look forward to that time, whether it's spent going on adventures, laughing together at a coffee shop or even just sitting at home and watching a movie.

I've made a lot of amazing friends in college, but there's still something comforting about having friends who knew you as an awkward 14-year-old who you can turn to and reminisce about the past with. We may not talk to each other every day and we often go months without all three of us being together, but when we are together again we pick up right where we left off. No matter how far apart we are physically, I know they'll be there for me in an instant, whenever I need them (even if FaceTime is the best we can do).

I know I'm not the only person to stay friends with their high school best friends, but I also know that many people don't. So I'm so thankful that this friendship has continued on past our four years of high school. As we get ready to head into the next chapter of our lives in a few months, a lot is going to change all over again. I don't know if we'll ever live out our high school dream of living together in the city or even when the next time we'll all be living in the same state will be, but our friendship has made it this far and I know it won't end here.

Caitlin and Andrea, thanks for sticking by my side for the past four years. Here's to all the memories we have yet to make together.

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A Message To All Of The Boys Who Have Had A Piece Of My Heart, Thank You

I am the woman I am today thanks to you.


Young love. It's such a powerful thing, and each person feels it in their own unique way. It's the first glimpse into what loving someone wholeheartedly can be like, because when we are young, we don't know the capacity at which we can love someone, but we can start to see the impact that the love we already have can have on those we choose to give it to. With love though, comes heartbreak. At one point or another in everyone's life, they will have their heart broken. It's a very hard feeling and it can alter the way you think about love.

I have been lucky enough to love and be loved. And yes, I have also had my heart broken by the boys I chose to give my heart to. And to the boys who have broken my heart, I must tell you thank you. Thank you for helping me become the woman I am today. I have learned so much from you and our relationships, and I have learned what I want from a significant other and what I should expect to uphold of myself.

To my first boyfriend, thank you for teaching me the impact of a breakup and the friendships involved in that relationship. Though I wasn't in love with you, I loved you, and I learned what a breakup could do to a friendship. We lost our friendship when we became boyfriend and girlfriend, and you taught me that to have a healthy relationship, I need to keep that friendship alive because you want your significant other to be your best friend. You also taught me that just because I break up with someone, doesn't mean I have to stop being friends with the people I have met through and because of them.

To the boy who I thought I loved, but who ended up playing with my feelings, thank you for teaching me that not everyone who is interested in me is interested in me for me. While I've forgiven you, I have also taken the lessons I have learned from our time together and made sure to never let a boy play with my heart the way you did. I lost myself for a bit because of you. I looked down upon myself and thought so low of myself because I felt that I wasn't good enough for you and that the reason you treated me the way you did was because I was only worthy of that. Thank you for teaching me that I need someone who is supportive and loving, and who treats me the way I deserve.

To my first love, thank you for showing me what real love is. I loved you and I was loved by you. I learned what real love is because of you. I learned what love feels like, and how being loved by someone can change you for the better. I learned self-worth and self-love from you because you taught me to see myself that way. You always made sure to make it known how beautiful you thought I was, even if I was in my glasses, leggings, an oversized t-shirt, a messy bun, and no makeup. You taught me that my opinions matter and that even when I don't feel like it, I am important and I have value.

You also taught me what things that I want in my future significant other. You had so many qualities about you that made me fall for you and made you an amazing significant other. And finally, thank you for teaching me that even though something doesn't work out, for reasons that were out of both of our controls, be thankful that I had the chance to love and be loved. I look back on our time with nothing but appreciation and love for you as a person, and I can only wait for the day that I feel that kind of love again, and I have hope for that because of you.

So to all of the boys that have had a piece of my heart, thank you. Thank you for teaching me about love and about what I want from love. Most of all, thank you for helping me to become the woman I am today.


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