I Finally Came To Terms With My Abusive Relationship And I Know That I Deserve To Be Treated Better

I Finally Came To Terms With My Abusive Relationship And I Know That I Deserve To Be Treated Better

It took a lot of time and countless nights of nightmares, but I finally feel good enough to come out about it.

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A long time ago, I met a guy who on paper would seem like a real dreamboat. He knew everything to say to make me run back to him whenever he needed me and I spent a good portion of my life trying to make him happy because I always seemed to do so. This relationship went sour very fast and the fact that I said, "He knew everything to say to make me run back to him..." should be a real red flag to anyone that this guy was not okay.

There were nights where he would get carried away and I would wake up with bruises near my neck that I would pass off as hickeys so no one would ask me questions. I remember the nights he tried to make me feel bad for him, emotionally manipulating me into feeling like he did nothing wrong and what was happening to me was more my fault than his. Looking back, I can easily see how abusive it was, but when you're in the situation, it's hard to admit to yourself what's going on. You have hope in you that the person you first started dating is still there, so you cling onto the good times and make excuses for the bad. It's sick and it's sad, but until you go through it (and I certainly do not wish that upon anyone) you'll never understand the mental battle it really is.

I grew up with a cousin who was trapped in several abusive marriages and most of my childhood was spent trying to get her out of each marriage and hiding her and her son from her husbands in my house. I always knew that if you allow your significant other to treat you less than you deserve, it spirals out of control and unfortunately, I fell into the same trap, I just never knew how to admit it to myself.

The hardest thing I had to do was admit it to my closest friends and to my parents. I remember telling my parents which was the hardest thing I had to do. I knew I did nothing wrong and that it was all his fault, but telling the two people who love you unconditionally and raised you to realize your worth is one of the hardest hurdles I had to overcome. When I began to speak out about it, I remember my parents and my friends being there for me, reminding me that I am worth more and that it's not my fault, because, unfortunately, it's so easy to believe that you did something wrong enough to deserve it. Remember this, you didn't do anything wrong. It's a problem deep within him and believing it's in any way something wrong with you gives him the power over you that he doesn't deserve.

I hope anyone reading this who may have been in an abusive relationship knows that it's not you, you did absolutely nothing wrong. We may not know each other personally, but I believe in you and I know you are amazing just the way you are. If he couldn't treat you like the goddess you are, then save yourself for the one who comes along and will. That person is out there, but for now, work on yourself and seek a solid, small group of people (along with a professional because I know my therapist has helped me through more than I can describe) and give yourself time to heal. You can do this, I believe in you.

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Cutting Ties With Your Ex Is Everything You Need To Get Through This Breakup

It's not about their feelings. It's about your healing.

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The hardest part of a break-up is the change in your routine. It's letting go of the countless hours you have spent making someone a part of your life and having to find someone new to share your day with and watch your favorite shows with.

Breakups can get so blurry along the way and you desperately want to keep in touch and still have them in your life. It's hard to find that balance though. It's hard to find the role that ex-boyfriend/girlfriend should play and how much of a presence they should really have in your life.

We've all been there. I have SO been there. I have had messy breakups where we quit speaking and I have had quiet, peaceful breakups where neither of us could really figure out what to do next. Either way, whether it's a peaceful one, or heart wrenching and mean, the best thing to do for yourself is to not look back.

You have to make it a clean break. If only for a year, but you have to do it. No texts, no calls, no emails. No social media. Avoid Instagram, no Snapchat, no Facebook. You have to turn off the desire to check on them because you're only going to hurt yourself.

So give yourself some time. Delete them from your friends list, not to be mean, but to spare yourself. You probably need to temporarily block them too, if you're someone who will still look up their page.

This is about YOUR healing. It's not about their feelings. It's about taking care of yourself and giving your heart the room to heal, and the best way to do that is to put them in your rearview and keep moving forward, and the BEST way to do that is to cut off all contact. I have had different breakups for different reasons and the ones I always healed from faster were the ones where I couldn't see them or speak to them.

With my last breakup, my ex didn't have social media at all.

He had no Facebook or Instagram to stalk and I was forever grateful for that fact. There was absolutely nothing for me to see. No page to pull up and stare at. No images of him and a new girl in my face. No what-ifs playing in my mind as he goes on about his life. It's as if his life stopped for me completely.

I have no idea what he's doing now, and I am OK with that. I NEED to be OK with that.

You cannot expect your heart to heal if you're constantly feeding it jagged edges of once was. You can't keep cutting yourself over and over again and expect the wounds to heal.

So darling, please, with this breakup, put it all away. Give it some time. Maybe you will truly be friends later on. But not today. Definitely not today. Give yourself some room to breathe and remember that you WILL come out on top.

You always do. You always, always do.

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6 Ways For Men To Understand Women

The introduction. Let's face it, there's WAY more than 6.

JordynL
JordynL
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We know we're confusing, but hopefully this helps you understand us a little better.

1. "I have nothing to wear"

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We realize that we have a ton of clothes in our closets to choose from. We know that some things are super similar. We know that there are some things we wear all the time and other things that we NEVER wear. Regardless of the Go-Tos or "I'm saving this for a 'special occasion'" (which will probably never happen), there's always an excuse. When we say we have nothing to wear, it means that we don't have anything that we WANT to wear.

This contributes to us taking SO long to get ready. Whether it's a date, a night out with the girls, hanging out with a group, or just another Tuesday, we never have anything to wear. We try to dress to match our mood, but that's still not a guarantee. It never is. If we try something on, thinking that it'll work, there's always something wrong with it SO it goes in the reject pile. As the pile grows, we reach the "I have nothing to wear" stage.

And just to make things more complicated and annoying, we go back to the first outfit we tried on and call it good -OR resort to the Go-Tos that we wear WAY too much- (at least I normally do). We waste all that time and effort and there's usually no way to get around it.

2. Periods

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Guys, let me explain to you how a period works.

Every month, our Uterus starts decorating a nursery. "Just wanted to let you know I have everything prepared for the baby! The nursery looks great and I picked out this pretty wallpaper and I'm gonna read stories to it every night!"

Then we come around and say "Oh.. There's not going to be a baby this month.."

Uterus: ......

Us: "Oh god, please no"

Uterus: .... *trashes everything* *rips off the wallpaper* *screams like an angry baboon*

THIS gentlemen, is what we have to go through. Every time we get a cramp, it's basically our uterus stabbing us with broken pieces of the crib and twisting it. This is why we double over. This is why some (maybe most) women cry during their periods. Our uterus throws a freaking temper tantrum when we don't get pregnant.

By the time the uterus gets tired and forgives us, it goes back to setting up a new nursery with upmost excitement. And when we don't get pregnant, the cycle repeats.

Wanna know what to do? Don't make us do anything. Pamper us. Most women like to eat chocolate, so do that (for some reason, that doesn't work for me, but oh well). Have the heating pad ready to go. Ice cream. Even while we look disgusting, reassure us. The uterus' temper tantrum makes us question everything so be ready for that.

But God help you if you say the wrong thing. Most of the time, we don't know what that wrong thing will be, so tread lightly. Just do NOT say ANYTHING about PMSing. Our uterus will hear that and give us some of that hateful energy to rip you apart.

You have been warned.

3. Unsolicited dick pics

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Just don't. Despite what you think, they are NOT aesthetically pleasing.

When a girl actually asks for them and/or agrees to swap nudes, that's the only time it's okay. But if they're anything like me, the pictures still won't do anything for them. I guess it's to make y'all feel wanted and appreciated? I don't know.

If you send unsolicited dick pics, there's a pretty good chance that her girlfriends will see the pictures so be warned.

4. Hoodie Theft

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Sorry guys, there's no way to get around this one. If your girl takes your hoodie, you probably won't get it back.

And if you try to out-smart us by getting two of the exact same hoodie so both of us have one, that won't work either. You foolish mortals think we won't take the second-twinning hoodie too? HA.

5. You: "Where do you want to eat?' Her: "I don't know"

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I HAVE YOUR SOLUTION.

Instead of asking your girl where she wants to eat, MAKE HER GUESS where you're taking her. Her first guess is where y'all are going.

The code has been cracked and most girls don't even realize this sneaky trick (unless they've seen the Twitter meme).

6. The silent treatment

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Honestly... when we're giving you the silent treatment, USUALLY it's because we want you to figure out what you did wrong for yourselves. But it makes this difficult because sometimes we don't even know the reason. Stupid? I know. But we're girls. What do you expect?

We're waiting for you to come up with a solution to whatever problem we think you caused. Because we're right. Even when we're wrong, we're right.

You've probably found with personal experience that you've always found a way to screw it up and you don't even know how. She freaks out for almost no reason and usually never shares why she's so pissed off.

If you don't wanna take the chance on finding the solution because of even the slightest fear of making it worse SOMEHOW, just chill. Spend time with her, don't do anything stupid on your phone, don't play games online with the guys- just spend time with her. It'll let her know that even though she's freaking out for probably no reason, that you still care. Because what'll happen if you leave? "OH SO YOU'RE JUST GONNA GET UP AND LEAVE?"

You guys are honestly in a lose-lose situation and I feel for y'all so much. If you know her well enough to leave and let her calm down, then go for it- at your own risk. Just handle the situation calmly and be like "if you need anything, just call or text me. I'll be there."

DO NOT TELL HER TO CALM DOWN, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

Just give her space SOMEHOW and let her chill. She'll more than likely be over it the next day.

I know this whole thing is giving you mixed messages on what to do, but honestly we don't really know what we want you guys to do, so there you go.

This may help, this may not, but it's a decent start. :)

JordynL
JordynL

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