I Finally Came to Terms With My Abusive Relationship

I Finally Came To Terms With My Abusive Relationship And I Know That I Deserve To Be Treated Better

It took a lot of time and countless nights of nightmares, but I finally feel good enough to come out about it.

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A long time ago, I met a guy who on paper would seem like a real dreamboat. He knew everything to say to make me run back to him whenever he needed me and I spent a good portion of my life trying to make him happy because I always seemed to do so. This relationship went sour very fast and the fact that I said, "He knew everything to say to make me run back to him..." should be a real red flag to anyone that this guy was not okay.

There were nights where he would get carried away and I would wake up with bruises near my neck that I would pass off as hickeys so no one would ask me questions. I remember the nights he tried to make me feel bad for him, emotionally manipulating me into feeling like he did nothing wrong and what was happening to me was more my fault than his. Looking back, I can easily see how abusive it was, but when you're in the situation, it's hard to admit to yourself what's going on. You have hope in you that the person you first started dating is still there, so you cling onto the good times and make excuses for the bad. It's sick and it's sad, but until you go through it (and I certainly do not wish that upon anyone) you'll never understand the mental battle it really is.

I grew up with a cousin who was trapped in several abusive marriages and most of my childhood was spent trying to get her out of each marriage and hiding her and her son from her husbands in my house. I always knew that if you allow your significant other to treat you less than you deserve, it spirals out of control and unfortunately, I fell into the same trap, I just never knew how to admit it to myself.

The hardest thing I had to do was admit it to my closest friends and to my parents. I remember telling my parents which was the hardest thing I had to do. I knew I did nothing wrong and that it was all his fault, but telling the two people who love you unconditionally and raised you to realize your worth is one of the hardest hurdles I had to overcome. When I began to speak out about it, I remember my parents and my friends being there for me, reminding me that I am worth more and that it's not my fault, because, unfortunately, it's so easy to believe that you did something wrong enough to deserve it. Remember this, you didn't do anything wrong. It's a problem deep within him and believing it's in any way something wrong with you gives him the power over you that he doesn't deserve.

I hope anyone reading this who may have been in an abusive relationship knows that it's not you, you did absolutely nothing wrong. We may not know each other personally, but I believe in you and I know you are amazing just the way you are. If he couldn't treat you like the goddess you are, then save yourself for the one who comes along and will. That person is out there, but for now, work on yourself and seek a solid, small group of people (along with a professional because I know my therapist has helped me through more than I can describe) and give yourself time to heal. You can do this, I believe in you.

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32 Reasons Why I Love My Best Friend

The list stops at 32, but I could go on forever.
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My best friend is my soul mate, and I am so lucky that this crazy world brought us together.

1. She has and always will put up with my ridiculousness.

2. She has seen me cry, and I have seen her cry, and we are both ugly criers.

3. We can sit in silence for 20 minutes, and it’s not weird.

4. But most of the time we cannot shut up.

5. This includes three-hour phone and Skype calls about anything and everything.

6. I know what she’s going to say before she says it.

7. Eye contact is all that is needed to communicate sometimes. This definitely comes in handy when we have an opinion that shouldn’t be verbalized.

8. Even when she laughs at me, I still feel loved.

9. We find the dumbest things funny.

10. We have reoccurring jokes that normal people just find odd.

11. She accepts every part of me including my flaws.

12. She talks me through hard situations without fail.

13. She tells me when I’m being unreasonable, and I don’t get mad.

14. She listens to me whine about the same guy and still hasn’t given up on me.

15. But gets more excited than anyone when a guy treats me right.

16. But you have both agreed that life would be easier if we could just marry each other.

17. What’s mine is hers, and what’s hers is mine.

18. This includes, but is not limited to clothes AND food (and that is a big deal for me).

19. She knows exactly how to cheer me up. Most of the time cupcakes do the trick but if they don't, somehow she make me feel better with insides jokes or just plain silence.

20. She has seen me at my worst and still loves me.

21. She will see movies meant for 8-year-olds with me and we will, no doubt, laugh the loudest.

22. She will watch"The Bachelor" with me and will secretly love it. Don’t worry ... No judgment from this side.

23. She will teach me the art of taking a good picture.

24. She gets me out of my comfort zone and makes me do things that I am iffy about at first.

25. But hanging out in our pajamas and talking all-night isn’t abnormal either.

26. Being apart for a long time is no biggie because when we are reunited it’s like nothing had separated us!

27. We plan on traveling the world together.

28. We plan on being roommates in the future.

29. I love her family and she loves mine.

30. We fight like sisters and then we apologize and get over it.

31. We talk about the craziness we will participate in together when we are 80.

32. I can’t imagine my life without her.

Cover Image Credit: brokenbutfree.org

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If You THINK You're Too Dependent On Your Boyfriend, You Probably Are

Depend on yourself before you depend on him.

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Don't get me wrong, having a boyfriend and being in love is an incredible feeling. But when you depend on your boyfriend for everything and forget how to do things on your own, it becomes a major problem. You might not see it but your family and friends do. Yes he's your boyfriend and of course, you want to spend every single second with him but you can't carry him around in the back of your pocket for the rest of your life. So here's to the girls who are too dependent on your boyfriends, I think you girls might want to hear this.

First and foremost, I completely understand what it's like to be in love and want to spend every second with your boyfriend. I get that he is one of your best friends, one of the people you can trust the most, one of the sources of your happiness, one of your stress relievers, one of the things that brings you comfort, one of the people you can rant to for anything, one of the people that you can cry to about anything, one of the people that you want to make memories with, one of the people that you want to spend the rest of your life with and so much more.

Did you notice I said one of, for all that? He is just one of the people you can go to for all of that, not the only one. You have friends and family who can do all of that too. And trust me, we want to. While yes you might prefer him to those other people, it's still important to keep your friends and family in the loop of what's going on in your life and it's even more important just to keep them in your life.

When you choose your boyfriend over your friends and family for everything, you're slowly pushing them out of your life. I, and everyone else who's been where I have been, completely understand if you already have plans with your boyfriend, or if something is going on you want to spend time with him. But to blow off your friends every single time for him is a slap in the face to us. Or to invite him to everything we do is another slap in the face. Of course as friends and family, we want to spend time with your boyfriend but it gets awkward third wheeling.

Go out with your family and friends without him sometimes and make tons of memories, as you did before. Rant and cry to friends and family sometimes instead, we care about you and your feelings, just as much as he does... maybe, even more, when you guys are fighting. When you don't talk to or see your friends and family without him there, you're pretty much telling us that you don't like being around us and that by bringing him, it makes it more bearable for you.

With that being said, you have to let him do the same. You have to let him have time for his family and friends without you. It looks super weird that you follow him around like a lost little puppy dog. Let him have time with the guys, without you being there or showing up at some point. To tag along to every little thing he does isn't healthy. Tagging along to everything thing your boyfriend does, probably makes his friends, a little uncomfortable, especially when they want their guy time and you're the only girl and they don't want you to feel awkward or left out. Or his family wants to spend time with just him and catch up.

Do things apart from each other, so when you are together you have stories to tell and pictures to show them.

Speaking of doing things apart from each other. Don't let an amazing opportunity slip away because you have to spend time away from your boyfriend. Did I leave my boyfriend to do the Disney College Program, hell yes I did. Am I going to apply again in August or maybe January? Hell yes, I am. Don't be afraid to explore things without him, even if it makes you uncomfortable, because you never know when you might get a great opportunity again.

Learning to do things alone is scary, I get it. But don't base your schedule around his, I've seen so many girls do this and it just back fries in the end. Unless you have kids, you do not plan your schedules around him or know where he is at every single second.

You never know, one day he might not be there anymore, and if you're always with your boyfriend and forgetting about friends and family, you might not have them either. And then what? Who do you depend on?

I wish you all would learn to depend on yourself before you depend completely on your boyfriend for everything. You are capable of so many things alone. You might feel like your boyfriend completes you and makes you whole, but in reality, you were already complete without him. He's just an added bonus. Don't give up your friends, family, and life because you want to be attached at the hip. You might lose more than you gain by doing that.

This goes for couples who have been dating for all lengths of time. It could be six months or six years.

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